(Minghui.org) I’m from Yunnan, and I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2007. While I was distributing information about Falun Dafa in my community, someone who did not understand what Falun Dafa is reported me to the police, and I was detained for eight months.

On the second day following my release from detention, a family member who was also a practitioner, reminded me to write a solemn declaration. Since the police confiscated our computer it was suggested that another practitioner could help me submit it to Minghui.org.

I wrote a declaration that day and gave it to the practitioner. However, the next day, I received a message from him, saying that my declaration was not good enough. It lacked depth and detail, and the format was not consistent with the requirement of the Minghui website. I didn’t say anything, but felt uncomfortable, thinking: Why didn’t you tell me about these requirements before I wrote it?

After I returned to my hometown, I borrowed a computer to check the specific format for such a declaration before I wrote it the second time. I then asked someone to give it to a practitioner in our area and submit it. Before long, he came to me and also said that my declaration was no good, and that I should have written it like this or that.

This time I got angry and said, “Another practitioner told me to write it in a particular way, and now you are telling me to write it this way. I wrote this one after I checked it out on Minghui website. How can you say it is still no good?!” Then I thought: After all, I confess my wrongdoings to Master every day. Master and gods know my determination to practice Dafa. I don’t need to go through this formality.

A few months later, my family member and I got together again and I poured out all my grievances. I said I would not write another declaration. She said, “Look, you are complaining about others again.” A few days later, while I was reading the Fa I talked with my daughter (who is a practitioner). She asked, “What happened to you the other day? There was nothing wrong with what they said about the declaration you wrote. Why did you get so angry?” I was taken aback and thought: That’s right. Why did I get so angry? I told her, “I need to check within and see what’s really going on.”

I began to look within deeply to discover why I was so angry, and found my hidden fear. What was I was afraid of? I dug deeper and realized what was behind the fear - I knew that the so called guarantee statements are evil slander against Master Li and Dafa. Signing such statements means one is cooperating with the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) in slandering Master and smearing Dafa.

I also know that many practitioners have been sentenced, beaten, tortured, and even lost their lives because they refused to sign the “three statements.” However, I was afraid of suffering, I couldn’t let go of my attachments, and actively cooperated with the evil in the end.

Due to the regret and guilt I felt inside, and the fact that I was afraid of facing my wrongdoings, I didn’t want to put too many details in my “declaration” to expose what I did, and I treated writing a “declaration” as a superficial form of going through the motions to cover up my wrongdoings.

I suddenly understood that the other practitioners’ rejections of my “declaration” were kindly arranged by Master, so that I could truly look within and find the bad thoughts and attachments I was still holding on to. On the surface, I did those bad things due to my attachments, but when digging deeper, I realized that I signed the “guarantee statements” in exchange for earlier release from detention. It was an act of outright betrayal! What I did completely deviated from the principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance Master taught us.

I was shocked when I dug out all these awful things hidden deeply in me. On the other hand, I’m also aware that all these dirty, selfish and cunning thoughts are not my true self. They were formed through brainwashing by the poisonous Chinese Communist Party culture, and then taken advantage of by the old forces when I failed to look at things with righteous thoughts from the perspective of a Dafa practitioner. They made me feel that I did all those bad things of my own accord, making me feel guilty and deeply sorry to Master and Dafa. What I did left regrettable stains on my cultivation path. This made me feel very disappointed in myself and diminished my confidence. The goal of the old forces is to destroy people.

During those few minutes of looking inward, it felt like a battle between good and evil. I realized that writing a solemn declaration as a cultivator is not like a self-criticism among ordinary people, which is a formality. Master has given us the magic Fa tool of “looking inward” to expose and dig deep layer by layer, encouraging me to thoroughly cleanse myself in the process.

Master said,

“The very act of using human thinking to stress who’s right and who’s wrong is in itself wrong. That’s because you are then using the logic of ordinary people to evaluate yourself, and using that logic to make demands on others. As gods see it, for a cultivator to be right or wrong in the human world is not important in the least, whereas eliminating the attachments that come from human thinking is important, and it is precisely your managing to eliminate those attachments rooted in your human thinking as you cultivate that counts as important.” (“Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume X)

Through this incident, I gained a deeper understanding about the meaning of this paragraph of Master’s Fa teaching. I also understand how important it is to look at issues from the perspective of a cultivator. All the “troubles” we experience are for the cultivation of our xinxing. Only by truly looking inward and paying attention to the cultivation of every thought we have, can we cleanse ourselves bit by bit in the Fa and improve step by step.

I have had many amazing experiences since I started to practice Falun Dafa, and the numerous tribulations, big or small, turned into positive things thanks to Master’s compassionate guidance and sacrifice.

This time, I did something so wrong by signing the “guarantee statements,” which made me feel deep regret and shame. I blamed myself for a long time, and yet Master did not give up on me, and continued to arrange opportunities for me to enlighten and improve my xinxing.

Thank you Master! I am determined to study the Fa well and cultivate myself with diligence, so as to save more people and be worthy of Master’s salvation!

I am also grateful to the practitioners around me, and to those who shared their cultivation experience on the Minghui website, which helped me a lot in gaining a better understanding about what it means to cultivate solidly.

As my level is limited, please kindly point out anything improper in this sharing.