(Minghui.org) I recently realized that I hadn’t cultivated my speech. I read articles about cultivating speech on the Minghui website, but I paid little attention to them because I thought it was a minor issue. I thought “cultivating speech” (paying attention to what I said and how I said it) meant not cursing, badmouthing, or criticizing. I now realize I didn’t understand the Fa well.
My colleagues often gossiped and judged others. At first, I didn’t think there was anything wrong. I later felt it wasn’t right because even a cultured person refrains from gossiping and criticizing others—don’t practitioners follow even higher standards?
I know that nothing practitioners see or hear is accidental, so why did my colleagues love to gossip? Could I say this had nothing to do with me? Absolutely not! I realized that I needed to pay attention to cultivating my speech and my xinxing in general.
I often had toothaches and mouth ulcers. They were very painful and sometimes lasted a long time. It occurred to me that this abnormal condition had to do with my failing to pay attention to what I said and how I said it.
I looked inward to discover why I liked talking about and commenting on what others were saying. What was the attachment behind my not cultivating my speech? I found I was jealous, that I wanted to meddle in other people’s affairs, and that I thought I was better than they were. I also realized that I was showing off when I expressed my opinion.
I suddenly remembered that in Hong Yin, Master talked about the requirements for practitioners in ordinary society, and I realized that I did not do what Master asked of us. I was so ashamed!
I realized the reason I hadn’t cultivated my speech was that I hadn’t cultivated my character. When attachments are eliminated, saying the right things naturally follows. However, there is always a gap between realizing something and doing it.
I decided to start by keeping quiet. When my colleagues talked about other people, I either said nothing or didn’t participate in the conversation. But breaking this long-standing habit was challenging. Sometimes, what they were discussing interested me or I agreed with, leading me to inadvertently say a few words. My emotions occasionally caused me to say more than I intended. I regretted it afterwards, realizing I’d failed to cultivate my xinxing that day.
A client started to talk about her deceased mother-in-law. For almost half an hour, she gave examples of how she’d been mistreated for over 30 years. This time, my mind was clear. Her experiences did not sway me, nor did I chime in. Instead, I understood their relationship was predestined and involved karmic retribution. I reminded myself to transcend human perspectives and not be influenced by superficial notions of right and wrong.
I managed to remain unaffected and did not comment on the grievances between them. Instead, I advised the lady to forgive her deceased mother-in-law. I believed this was the best advice I could offer. Following this experience, I understood what it meant to not be moved emotionally.
As for the issue of cultivating speech, although there are still many areas where I fall short, I’ve noticed a significant improvement in my mouth ulcers. It’s wonderful when we cultivate ourselves.
I gradually realized that there was a strong but hidden ego behind wanting to comment on everything.
A boss’s relative visited, and I served them. But when they left, they ignored me. I was hurt, insulted, and bothered.
Sometime later, the boss mentioned this relative and said she was about to get married but faced some problems. A feeling of pleasure and relief came over me. Although the thought was brief, I caught it right away. I realized that this thought was harmful and not the real me. I immediately eliminated it.
When I discovered my attachment to looking down on others, I noticed that I looked down on my practitioner family member.
I thought that she was not diligent. On the surface, she seems very busy and is good at talking about the issues. She also spent lots of time sleeping and seldom read the Fa or did the exercises—even though she has plenty of time since she does not work. I was also a little resentful because I thought she was not having a positive influence on me.
I didn’t realize that my looking down on her was wrong, but now I realize that looking outward was wrong. Looking down on others is a manifestation of demonic nature and an evil thought. I shouldn’t have had that kind of thought, and I shouldn’t have allowed that demonic nature to expand and increase. The first thing I had to fix was myself—I had no business judging others.
I also casually said things that were cold and hurtful. I realized that was not a kind thing to do. It was because I did not consider home a place where I needed to cultivate, and I casually said and did things I shouldn’t have. I understand now that cultivation is a serious matter wherever I am. I was self-centered at home and took things for granted. I later found my attachments to comfort and laziness.
Reflecting on my past behavior in the family environment, I noticed my bad attitude. I quickly became irritable. I realized that this was not just an issue of being unkind; it was demonic nature. I reminded myself to restrain it. However, breaking long-standing habits was truly challenging. I usually realized I was wrong only after I said something rude.
I once mentioned to my family member that I wanted to eat peanuts. After she bought them, I asked, “Why didn’t you buy the smaller ones? The smaller ones taste better.” As soon as I said that, I realized how rude that sounded and that I was criticizing her. This was an outcome of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) indoctrination. I should have appreciated what she did, so I immediately changed my tone and said, “These are good.”
Another time when I again started to complain, I realized my attitude was wrong. I was too loud, and my tone was unkind, but I corrected myself right away. My family member was momentarily stunned by the contrast.
While trying to cultivate myself in these everyday things, I realized I hadn’t done well in many things.
I also realized that I was influenced by the CCP indoctrination, as well as modern concepts and notions. I needed to read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party. If we don’t eliminate the influence of the CCP in ourselves, we will be hindered from understanding and assimilating in the Fa.
These are my recent cultivation experiences. I thank Master for his compassion and for allowing us to rectify ourselves. I also thank my fellow practitioners for helping me.
While writing this article, I saw many of my shortcomings. In the final moments of the Fa-rectification, I will rectify myself and move forward.