(Minghui.org) Master Li said in Zhuan Falun,

“There was a person who was walking on the street with my book in his hand, yelling, “With Teacher Li’s protection, I’m not afraid of being hit by a car.” That was undermining Dafa. This type of person will not be protected. Actually, a true cultivator would not do such a thing.”(“Lecture Three,” Zhuan Falun)

I was shocked the first time I read these words, and thought, “Who would do that?” I thought I would never be like this person, so what Master said did not apply to me. However, with further Fa study and cultivation, I noticed that I indeed had such inappropriate notions.

One day, I saw an unusual hair growing on my body. I didn’t like the look of it, so I dug it out. A small piece of skin was also torn off. When I saw the damaged skin, I thought, “Why is it that I don’t care about picking out the hair and damaging my skin?”

Looking within, I realized that even though it appeared to be a small thing, it showed I had unrighteous thoughts similar to the man Master talked about. I thought that Falun Dafa practitioners’ bodies were extraordinary. They would not get sick or infected—that’s why I picked at my skin so casually.

I was shocked to realize that I actually had this wrong thought. Digging even deeper, I found that I had a wrong mindset, thinking that since I had Master and Dafa protecting me, nothing dangerous or bad would happen to me. As a result, I felt I could do anything I wanted without worrying about the consequences. Such a wrong attitude is no different than acting wantonly while thinking that Master and Dafa would protect me. I was actually using Master’s and Dafa’s protection as an excuse to indulge my selfishness and demon nature. This mindset goes directly against the characteristics of the universe.

I also recalled some incidents in the past when I dared to do things that could lead to injuries. I held the same mentality, thinking that nothing would happen to me. Master is protecting me, so even if something bad happened, it would not be serious. I also ate a lot of cold food or stayed up really late. I was not afraid of anything because I had Master’s protection.

Due to my wrong thinking and actions, I experienced some health issues. Still, I didn’t realize my problem and wondered why my health was affected. Shouldn’t I be free from all this? In my heart, I began to waver and had some doubts about the Fa.

Searching my inner self even deeper, I realized that I was holding onto the thought that Master would protect me under any circumstances. When things didn’t turn out the way I thought they should, I complained and wonder why Master didn’t protect me. I began to doubt the power of Dafa. If I continued thinking that way, I would be showing disrespect to Master and the Fa.

I remember when my body felt itchy, or I was bitten by a mosquito, or my ears itched, I would scratch as hard as I could. I behaved that way because even though I studied the Fa, I didn’t truly understand the Fa principles and didn’t know how to cultivate myself. As a result, I still held onto resentment and had very little forbearance. When I felt itchy, I scratched as hard as I could, as if doing that was getting rid of my resentment. My behavior was also a manifestation of my demon nature. My wrong understanding of Master’s protection made my venting my hatred even more amoral.

With such a wrong mindset, my health was damaged. Even though I was aware of Master’s hints, I still failed to rectify my wrong thoughts, thinking that I would regain my health regardless.

When things didn’t happen the way I hoped they would, and when I began having hearing problems, instead of elevating my understanding based on the Fa principles, I began to think like an everyday person. Even though I didn’t dare to hold any disrespectful thoughts toward Master and Dafa on the surface, I developed many bad thoughts. I’m happy that I now realize my hidden attachments before I slipped into an even more dangerous state.

After digging deeper, I realized that I have been treating Master’s compassion and the power of Dafa as a shield, under which I can do anything I want to do without having to worry about the consequences. When my selfish actions were not protected as I expected they would be, I started to feel unbalanced and began harboring resentment, as if Master and Dafa owed me something. I realized that behind my thinking was selfishness, and I was trying to use Master and Dafa to satisfy my selfish desires. This extremely wicked thinking showed that I deviated from the Fa.

Now that I have dug out this attachment, I see it in my other behavior. There are no small matters in cultivation, and behind these small things, are significant loopholes, which must be let go of through xinxing cultivation. I failed to do so for a long time. I was in the wrong, and I failed to live up to Master’s expectations. I’m determined to rectify myself and let go of those bad thoughts and attachments through cultivation.