By Qing Lian, a Falun Dafa practitioner in China
(Minghui.org) Last year in late autumn, I experienced severe sickness karma including a high fever, cough, weakness, dizziness, and dry mouth. I was unable to cook and I couldn’t eat for three days. I felt like crying whenever I recalled something. I was unable to read the Fa, so I listened to the recordings of Master’s lectures.
Two practitioners visited me after they realized I missed group Fa-study for several days. As soon as one started talking, I wept uncontrollably. I said, “I just want to find a place where there’s no one around and cry my heart out.” One of the practitioners said, “It’s not you who wants to cry! Don’t think about anything. Let’s read the Fa.”
We read two lectures in Zhuan Falun in the morning and two more in the afternoon. They returned that night and studied one more lecture with me. We continued like this for five days and also sent righteous thoughts. I felt better with each passing day.
Although I felt better, I hadn’t fully recovered. Every day, I looked within to find the attachments that caused the sickness karma. I felt I found them but thought there must be more. I realized I hadn’t completely let go of the resentment toward my daughter-in-law and her mother. Through studying the Fa, I finally let go of the hatred I felt for them. Master removed the bad things from me after I found the attachment.
My daughter-in-law and I lived in the same courtyard, and my son worked in another city for many years. When my husband was alive, we lived our own lives and had our own income. My oldest grandson lived with us since he was three years old, and we provided his food, clothing, and daily necessities. My husband became ill and passed away when I was 60. He left a sum of money that was enough to last for the rest of my life. Before he died, he told me, “You won’t have any income now and can’t work for a living. Don’t give this money to our children. Keep it for yourself.”
One year after my husband passed away, my daughter-in-law asked me for the money. She demanded it. When I refused, she was angry and wouldn’t talk to me. I hadn’t let go of my attachment to money at that time, but I had no choice but to give it to them. After I gave her the money, her parents visited and said they wanted to find me a new husband. I got angry and said, “Aren’t you bullying me? You got the money, and now you want to kick me out of my house!” I started hating them. When her mother came, I ignored her. My daughter-in-law was also angry with me.
The other practitioners tried to persuade me to act in accordance with the Fa and not lower myself to the two women’s levels. One said, “Your daughter-in-law is helping you cultivate. Nothing is coincidental. Everything has been arranged.” I knew this, but I failed to meet Master’s standards. The other practitioners were worried about me.
A practitioner often reminded me, “Cultivate yourself, and don’t lower yourself to your daughter-in-law’s level. You seldom interact with people outside of your family. If your daughter-in-law doesn’t create conflicts for you, how will you elevate in your cultivation?” I knew this was true. When I cultivate diligently, my daughter-in-law creates conflicts and makes me angry. I knowingly get angry and hold on to my notions. I wanted to change others but not myself. Whenever I couldn’t pass a test the other practitioners reminded me to cultivate myself.
I lengthened the time I studied the Fa as I felt there was a gap between myself and other practitioners. In the past, I read the Fa for one hour after studying one lecture at the exercise site. I was illiterate when I started practicing. So later, when I could read every word in Zhuan Falun, I studied the Fa a lot.
I asked a practitioner to copy the contents of all Master’s teachings, and I started reading them. There were many words that I didn’t recognize. I skipped over them when there was no one around to ask. I asked my grandson when he was home. I read the books in chronological order. Sometimes, I read 30 or 40 pages. At most, I read 50 pages. Gradually, I could understand the Fa principles that I hadn’t understood in the past. Unlike other practitioners, who can read a book a day, I could only read several pages a day.
Last winter, I reread all of Master’s books. The more I read them, the more I liked them. Master helped me read the words I didn’t recognize. Now, there are very few words that I don’t know. When Master published the article “How Humankind Came to Be,” I initially read it once a day. Other practitioners could read it in a few minutes, but I needed half an hour. I read like this for more than two months.
I read all the Dafa books three times in the past two years and continue to study Zhuan Falun every day. Through studying a lot of Fa, my character has improved, and I no longer feel angry when I meet my daughter-in-law. I felt uncomfortable in the past when I saw her. I’ve now changed, and so has she. She took the initiative to talk to me. I also let go of my hatred for her mother.
Why did I hate my daughter-in-law? Isn’t Master using the people around me to improve my character? Instead of improving, I pushed the chances away. I hated my daughter-in-law. Isn’t this hating Master, too? When my daughter-in-law came to my house this year, we sat and talked. The unhappiness shrouding our family disappeared after I improved.
My son has worked away from home for many years, and my daughter-in-law worked away from home for the past two years. As neither of them was at home, I helped them give gifts to our relatives and neighbors. My daughter-in-law was unwilling to give me money in the past and never bought anything for me. However, since I let go of the resentment, she buys me things and gives me money. I truly feel the happiness of being immersed in the Fa.
Although I never attended school, I know what proper etiquette is. However, I don’t like to admit defeat. Because I’m not educated, I only read Dafa books. When I saw the other practitioners hand copying Zhuan Falun and Hong Yin, I became jealous because I didn’t know how to write. I was furious when a practitioner mentioned how many pages of the Dafa books she copied by hand that day.
One day, I told a practitioner, “I really want to bite you guys for copying the books.” I didn’t think there was anything wrong with saying that. The practitioner tried to comfort me, “You can read more Fa if you don’t know how to copy the books. It’s the same.” However, I was still angry and refused to go to any practitioner’s house. Instead, I stayed home and studied more Fa.
I listened as the others read Hong Yin, but I felt very uncomfortable. I hated myself for not knowing how to read. Practitioners told me to read the book and said they would teach me the words I didn’t know. I tried reading word by word but felt sad when I stumbled over them. I sometimes got angry, but other times I cried. I was jealous of practitioners who were educated and hated my parents for not letting me attend school.
The other practitioners said they understood how I felt. One said, “You understand everything—you just didn’t attend school. Master arranged this for you. If you were educated, it might not have been easy for you to obtain this Fa.” However, no matter what they said, I was still resentful and jealous.
Through studying more Fa, I understood that resenting my parents and practitioners meant I resented Master. I should only focus on cultivation, and Master would help me. There’s a reason why I’m not educated.
I completely let go of jealousy when I saw practitioners hand-copy the Fa. When a practitioner asked, “Are you still jealous when you see us copy the Fa?” I smiled and said, “I’m no longer jealous. Because I immersed myself in the Fa every day, the Fa principles melted away my attachment. I gradually feel the extraordinary beauty of practicing Dafa.”
Although I am in my 70s, I still walk quickly. People often ask me, “You walk like a young person. How old are you?” When I tell them I’m in my 70s, they say, “You don’t look your age.” I tell them it’s because I practice Dafa and I’m free of illness.
I’m grateful to Master for teaching me how to read and for guiding me to obtain the Fa and cultivate. I must be more diligent, keep improving, do the three things well, and return home with Master.