(Minghui.org) I recently identified many of my attachments, such as the desire to show off, jealousy and competitiveness. These attachments often made me feel resentful and upset. I repeatedly tried to eliminate them but when I didn’t succeed, I began to feel passive and helpless.

I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for 19 years while my husband began practicing two years ago. He often imposed his understanding on me and told me what to do. He also wouldn’t allow me to meet with other practitioners to study the Fa. One morning before we began to read the Fa, he said, “You’ve improved, and we’re now at the same level.” I knew he was being ironic. He often criticized me and wouldn’t listen to my opinions. When I sighed he became upset, “I’m heading out. I don’t want to study the Fa with you when you act like this. You can turn a compliment into a bad thing and sigh, which makes me feel uncomfortable around you.” With that, he stood up and left.

I felt terrible, and looked within. I realized my attachment—I didn’t want him to look down on me. He often acted superior, and wouldn’t let me speak. Whenever I talked back, he began preaching and nagging. Sometimes, he’d even storm out and slam the door. I didn’t to say a word that day, yet he still left because I sighed.

When he ridiculed me for not cultivating well, I felt defensive and envious. His criticism made me resent him because I liked to be praised. My distress when he refused to let me share my insights revealed my attachment to showing off. My desire to act superior, just as he did, exposed my complacency.

Many of the challenges I faced in my cultivation stemmed from a desire to show off, vanity, and grandstanding. I wanted to show off that I was financially secure, highly educated, eloquent and humorous. I wanted others to notice my possessions, that I cultivated well, and how kind and accomplished I was.

Through studying the Fa I realized that many of my attachments originate from emotion and are rooted in selfishness and being self-centered. I lack what Master said, “...considers others first when taking any action...” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun), and was unable to think altruistically.

I realized I couldn’t eliminate my negative elements because I hadn’t shifted from selfishness to altruism. This mindset held me back and prevented me from improving.

Determined to eliminate my attachments to showing off, jealousy, and competitiveness, I focused on cultivating selflessness. To reinforce this, I wrote down the following, describing what I’d do in certain situations.

When my husband nags and says I don’t pay attention to safety, I’ll reassure him that I’ll be careful; when he criticizes me for being absent-minded and naive, I’ll thank him for having my best interest in mind; when he won’t stop nagging, I’ll apologize for making him worry

When he intimidated me, I realized it stemmed from my own attachment to fear; if he looked down on me, it was because he was jealous of me and I was jealous of him; when he became competitive it revealed my own tendency to show off.

When he complains that I spent too much money on my parents, I’ll sincerely apologize and say, “I’ll listen to you from now on and let you decide what to buy for them.” When he curses my parents, I’ll send righteous thoughts to eliminate the bad things behind him and remind him that he loses virtue when he curses. When he blames me for something I didn’t do, it was Master’s arrangement for me to eliminate karma and increase my level, and I need to thank him. When he orders me to help him while I’m doing the three things, I’ll stay calm and reply, “Please don’t interfere. I’ll take care of it later.”

I wrote down these thoughts while he was taking an afternoon nap. When he woke up, he said, “I enjoy hearing what you have to say, it’s comforting.” His attitude was completely different from before, even though I hadn’t done any of the things I planned to do. I wondered if, at the microscopic level, he heard what I wrote.

He meditated and after he finished, he said, “I meditated for 50 minutes and my legs don’t hurt as much. I should thank you for improving your character. I feel that the energy field is pure and good. I probably wouldn’t have been able to sit for an hour if I tried.” He smiled, and he sounded calm and joyful. Although I was amazed, my stomach hurt, and I had diarrhea. I knew bad things were being eliminated from my body. I noticed my complexion improved. I hadn’t realized that eliminating jealousy and showing off could also improve my appearance.

A test came that night. My husband went to his aunt’s home. When he returned, he told me, “My aunt [who is also a practitioner] said she didn’t want to go out to clarify the truth with you anymore because you don’t pay attention to safety. She asked that you not visit her often. She also mentioned that another practitioner and his wife said that you don’t cultivate well. I think you still have a lot of CCP culture in you and act immaturely. Instead of going to practitioners’ homes to share your experiences, do yourself a favor and cultivate well first.”

In the past I would have have argued with him, defended myself, and criticized other practitioners for not cultivating their speech. But that night I remained calm. I knew I needed to eliminate my jealousy, complacency, showing off, and not wanting to hear criticism. I realized I should also cultivate my speech, and I genuinely felt remorseful for giving other practitioners a bad impression.

I was able to sincerely discuss my attachments with my husband. I am deeply grateful to Master for helping me.

Now, I feel confident in my cultivation. When faced with conflicts, I know how to put others first and look within. I no longer struggle with not being able to eliminate attachments.