(Minghui.org) From a young age, my daughter studied the Fa and did the exercises with my husband and me. Her personality used to be lively and cheerful. However, when she was in first grade, we were persecuted for our faith in Falun Dafa. Our home was ransacked twice in a row by the police, and we were frequently harassed. Later on, my husband was arrested and illegally sentenced. During all of this, we were forced to leave home and wander about, and my daughter lost the stable, normal environment a child needs. Gradually she became withdrawn, insecure, and indifferent. She rarely smiled and barely spoke. No matter what we asked her, she would answer “whatever,” with an expression as if she had given up on life. She even thought about running away from home.
Seeing this made me anxious and heartbroken. Although all of this suffering was caused by the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution of Falun Dafa practitioners, that still cannot be an excuse for a practitioner to fail at raising a child well. Dafa carries boundless wisdom and immeasurable power. As long as we can truly follow the Fa’s requirements and cultivate ourselves well, no matter how narrow the path is, we can walk it righteously. At the same time, we can show the beauty of Dafa to the world, helping people understand the truth and be saved.
People often say that children mirror their parents. Indeed, my daughter’s problems were reflections of mine. So I calmed down, looked back on my cultivation journey, and earnestly examined my own shortcomings.
I realized that to raise my daughter well, I must first study the Fa well, cultivate myself well, and keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification.
Previously, whether I studied the Fa alone or in a group, after having read it many times, I became so familiar with the words that I could recite the next sentence as soon as I read the previous one. It became like speaking from memory, yet I was unable to truly enlighten on deeper Fa principles. Over time it became routine and sometimes I treated my study as a task. As a result, many conflicts and difficulties in daily life emerged that I could not resolve, which in turn made me anxious.
I saw fellow practitioners sharing the benefits of memorizing the Fa, so I decided to do the same. I overcame my fear of the difficulty of it and persisted in memorizing a few pages every morning, paragraph by paragraph. After finishing the first full round, I truly felt the excitement and joy, just as Master said, ““After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!”” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
During the process, I understood many Fa principles and experienced significant changes physically as well. Fellow practitioners said my complexion had improved; it became fair with a rosy glow. What struck me most was how happy I felt after each session of memorizing the Fa—it was genuine joy and contentment from deep within.
Along the way, I also learned how to guide my daughter better. Master teaches us to look within when encountering issues. When I reflected on the persecution we had faced, I found my own issues. Due to fear, when the police came to ransack our home, I did not calmly and righteously clarify the truth to them. Instead, I chose to flee and avoid confrontation. If I had remained calm, clarified the truth to them, and awakened their conscience, perhaps the persecution could have dissolved. If I had shown righteous thoughts and courage, my daughter would have been encouraged and would have had greater respect and confidence in Dafa. Instead, my fear and retreat only made her feel more afraid and pressured, and it pushed her into a depressed state.
While we were displaced, my daughter was forced to transfer from a public elementary school to a poorly run private school. Once we realized this was not the right path, we went to the education bureau and the public school to clarify the truth, asking for my daughter to return to her original public school. Eventually, the principal agreed, and she returned to a proper learning environment.
When she first went back, her grades were not very good, but we continued to guide and encourage her with Dafa’s principles. She also worked hard, and her grades steadily improved. After she entered middle school, her academic performance remained excellent and stable, and she was chosen as the leader in her class. She became strong and confident. For the high school entrance exam, she ranked first in her middle school and was admitted to a key high school in the city.
Looking within is truly a treasured tool. Whenever my daughter’s state was off, I could always find the places in myself that were not aligned with the Fa, and correct myself in time. For instance, in the past, I tried to simplify all daily tasks to make more time to do the three things, but in doing so, I sometimes neglected the necessary companionship, communication, and guidance my daughter needed. I treated her mischief or disobedience as a form of interference, grew annoyed with her, and quite frequently just pushed her aside. But in fact, we must cultivate ourselves in every aspect of life, not just the time spent studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending righteous thoughts, or clarifying the truth. As such, using Dafa’s principles to educate and guide our children, and helping them distinguish right from wrong, good from bad, righteous from evil, and calmly and wisely navigate the complexities of society, are all part of our cultivation. In the Fa-rectification period, it is not enough to just cultivate ourselves well; we also have the responsibility of helping more people understand the truth about Dafa and begin cultivating, all the more with our own children. We need to guide them onto the path of cultivation, and help them walk it steadily and righteously.
Once I corrected my understanding, I began paying more attention to my daughter’s needs. When she got home from school, I would give her some fruit and snacks, and ask about her studies, her interactions with teachers and classmates, and how she felt in general that day. On weekends and holidays, I took her to play with other children. I tried to genuinely consider things from her perspective. Little by little, the resentment in her heart dissolved, and she became willing to talk to me again.
Master teaches that when disciplining children, we must not truly lose our temper and we must stay rational. To not lose one’s temper, one must remove various human attachments. For instance, one Friday afternoon my daughter didn’t come home after school. I had prepared dinner and waited, but she still didn’t show up, and she didn’t call, either. I felt upset and angry—she was already in high school and yet still so inconsiderate. But then I reminded myself: I am a cultivator, and nothing is accidental. Perhaps I had not taught her enough about considering others. So afterward I often reminded her to think of others when doing things. She became better and better in this aspect.
In raising children, I learned the importance of respecting them, listening patiently, and communicating with them as equals. We shouldn’t assume authority simply because we are older or more experienced, and force them to accept our views. If a child doesn’t understand the reasoning, they will likely have resistance and even say harsh words. So whenever conflicts arise, I always first listen carefully to her thoughts, and then share mine. I then ask her to choose how she wants to proceed. If she accepts my reasoning, she will follow it naturally; if she chooses differently, that is fine, too, because life requires experience and tempering, and even setbacks can be valuable lessons.
For example, once, the school administered vaccinations. Her father said, “There are too many fake or problematic vaccines in China now. Don’t get it.” He used a harsh tone that left no room for discussion, and my daughter was unhappy.
I asked for her thoughts. She said she didn’t want to stand out or be criticized by the teacher. I gently explained, “We study the Fa and do the exercises every day, and our bodies are healthy, so we don’t need vaccines. Following the crowd may feel easier now, but it could bring problems later. Choosing your own path may be difficult at first, but could lead to better outcomes. Think it over. Whether to get the vaccine is up to you.” She thought about it, and quietly wrote “decline” on the returning form. The next day she happily told me two other classmates had also declined.
In China, the popular thinking is that getting into university is the sole path for young people. When my daughter becomes anxious about not getting into a good university, I share with her Master’s teachings on this, while also checking myself for attachments—did I have a strong desire for her to get into a university? Was I unconsciously imposing my own unfulfilled dreams onto her, burdening her with invisible pressure? If so, that was an ordinary person’s pursuit of fame and gain that must be removed. Everyone has their own fate and their own path, and we cannot force all children to scramble across the same narrow bridge. Only when I let go of attachments can I guide her not to cling to outcomes. Master teaches us to value the process, not the result, and this is what I tell her most often. The result is not what matters; what matters is whether she develops good character, values, mental resilience, and strong will along the way.
Exams are routine in high school, and grades inevitably rise and fall. When she did poorly, she often became discouraged, and saw herself as useless while spiraling into despair. Each time, I comforted her using Master’s teaching on mutual generation and mutual inhibition. I told her, “Doing well is not necessarily good, and doing poorly is not necessarily bad. Doing well may lead to pride and complacency, causing future failure. Doing poorly may alert you to your weaknesses, allowing you to improve and possibly do well next time. As long as you work sincerely, good results will naturally appear. Excessive worry and attachments only make things worse. Blessing and misfortune accompany each other; no one always fails or always succeeds. Success and failure are just outcomes, and they are not the most important. What matters is tempering one’s mind, learning to ‘not be arrogant in success, not be discouraged in failure.’ That is the true wealth for the future in your life. No matter how circumstances change, understanding the principles, maintaining balance, calmness, rationality, and clarity, is true wisdom and the key to remaining undefeated.”
As long as we follow Master’s teachings and continually purify ourselves through the Fa, we will receive endless wisdom from Dafa, and whatever problems arise with our children can be resolved. Now my daughter is becoming more bright, positive, and steady. She studies the Fa on her own and she takes the initiative to clarify the truth to her classmates.
Thank you, Master!