(Minghui.org) I’d like to tell you about my experiences of cultivating myself and improving my xinxing.
I make a lot of money because I’m a designer. Since others envied and praised me, I gradually began to think I was special. I paid attention to my appearance and tried to stand out—even when I bought daily necessities, I chose unique ones.
I also commented on other people’s dress, jewelry, bags, etc., and gave them advice to show that I’m a professional. I was rewarded with their appreciation. When my peers didn’t meet my aesthetic standards, I gave them advice. I didn’t realize it, but my notions that formed over time were exposed.
One day, a family member pointed out that my front teeth were crooked. I realized that Master was enlightening me to pay attention to cultivation of speech. I looked inward to see where I deviated from the Fa, and found that I had attachments to showing off and the need to feel I was better than others. I liked to teach and comment on others, and I wanted to be recognized and looked up to.
When I dug deeper, I realized I thought I was special and had the need to validate myself. This was selfishness, which comes from the old universe. I reminded myself that I practice Falun Dafa, and Master asked us to be selfless. I should focus on validating Dafa and saving people—not validating myself. I sent forth righteous thoughts: my true self does not want these attachments, and I eliminate them.
Whenever my wife and I discussed something, we often got into loud and prolonged arguments. I reminded myself that I’m a cultivator, so nothing I encounter is accidental—maybe I needed to improve my xinxing. I calmed down and looked inward. I found that I subconsciously looked down on my wife. She was a mirror to me, and her behavior reflected my attachments.
Because my wife usually stays home, I feel she has little knowledge about society. The only information she receives comes from watching videos on her mobile phone, and I felt she didn’t think for herself. Whenever she made suggestions for my designs, I resented her comments and said she was unprofessional. I felt I was a professional and I knew more about society than she did. This mindset exposed my attachment to looking down on others and protecting myself. My competitive mentality was also not in line with Dafa’s principle of Forbearance, let alone Compassion.
I later understood that I was wrong—my wife didn’t mean to criticize me. She was not only trying help improve my work. She was also trying to help improve my cultivation. Instead of being angry I should thank her! I apologized and said, “I’m sorry. I was wrong! Thank you for helping me.”
While I was in the process of writing this article, my wife pointed out that I was arrogant. She also said that because I had a “standard,” I used it to measure others. I now understand that for a long time my dissatisfaction, impatience, complaints, accusations, competitiveness, and so on, were exposed because I felt people and things around me did not meet my standard.
I practice Falun Dafa, and Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance are the only criteria for measuring good and bad in the universe. I realized that I should stop using my “standard” which interfered with my cultivation and my ability to save people. Instead, I should assimilate to the characteristics of the universe—Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance—to correct myself and use them as the only measure from now on.
Because I was tracked by the police throughout several provinces in 2021, my fear gradually increased. This attachment bothered me and seriously affected my ability to do the three things well. I often dreamed I was followed and illegally arrested. When I went out, I waited before I came home to see if the surroundings were safe. I dared not take a plane or high-speed train on business trips, and I dared not stay in a hotel. I knew my fear and feelings of helplessness did not meet the standards of a cultivator, so I calmed down and looked inward.
I knew I had to find the root of my fear and remove it. Why was I afraid, and where did my fear come from? Was it because I had been persecuted? Was I afraid that I would be hurt again and lose my freedom, that I wouldn’t be able to bear the persecution and lose the opportunity to cultivate?
I realized that fear is a substance, and it’s alive. The old forces imposed fear into my dimensional field, and then manipulated people who did not know the truth to interfere with and persecute me, and hinder my cultivation. At the same time, they caused people to commit crimes against Dafa and Dafa practitioners in order to destroy sentient beings; isn’t this evil?
I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, and my path is arranged by Master. I’m here to cultivate myself and at the same time save others. I don’t want or acknowledge the old forces’ arrangements. I will disintegrate and eliminate them. Let Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance fill my thoughts and dimensional field! I will follow the path that Master arranged for me and not be moved by any interference.
These are my current understandings at my level. If anything I’ve written deviates from the Fa, please kindly correct me.
Thank you, Master, for your mercy and salvation!
Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your encouragement and help!