(Minghui.org) I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for more than 20 years but I had difficulty maintaining a peaceful mindset, let alone having compassion. I felt depressed for six months. The other practitioners said when I meditated I did not look serene—I frowned. I tried to relax and look peaceful. However, it was on the surface—it was not from my heart. I studied the Fa more, and looked inward.
Ms. Feng came to see me a few days ago and asked to read the Fa with me. She didn’t live in our area. She was here to look after her mother, but she didn’t have anyone to read the Fa with. I thought her coming to see me wasn’t a coincidence so I stopped going to the Fa-study group I usually go to, and I read with Ms. Fang.
She has few attachments and is very straightforward. When she saw my shortcomings, she reminded me immediately, saying that my tone was off when I spoke to my husband, who is also a practitioner. I thanked her. I wouldn’t have realized it if she hadn’t pointed this out. I looked down on my husband, and I complained that he did everything slowly. I also imposed my insights on him. For example, I always told him the Fa principles that I enlightened to, and I wanted to correct him. I also had a strong attachment to sentimentality. After I identified these attachments and eliminated them, I felt much lighter. I understood that Master saw I had trouble improving myself, so he arranged for me to interact with Ms. Feng.
I thought about Ms. Wen. I knew her for more than a decade and she had some illnesses. I truly wanted to help her. However, she often had temper tantrums when I tried to help her, and she said I looked down on her. I hurt her so much that she didn’t want to have anything to do with me and even got angry when she saw me. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was. Because of our tense relationship, we had very little contact for the past six months.
After Master’s article “Critical Times Reveal One’s Spiritual State” was published, I understood that practitioners should form one body, and not distance themselves from each other. Because we didn’t cultivate well, Master had to buy us time so we could continue cultivating. Master already endured so much for us. I decided to find her to eliminate the issue that separated Ms. Wen and I.
I invited her to my home to study the Fa. When she saw Ms. Fang, she complained to her about how I hurt her in the past. When she kept saying the same thing, I realized she was trying to help me improve. I decided not to let it move my heart. After she finished, I suggested we study the Fa. So the three of us studied one lecture of the Fa before she headed home.
After she left, I said to Ms. Fang, “You saw her behavior. She was fine when I went to see her, but she acted up as soon as she came here. She’s been like this for over two years. She’s often controlled by her demon nature. Can she still practice?”
Ms. Fang replied, “Both of you have strong sentimentality. You should pay attention to your tone when you talk to her. Don’t say negative things.”
Her words caught me off guard. When Ms. Wen vented her anger, I appeared calm and I didn’t argue with her, however, I thought: “She doesn’t know how to look inward. When she has a temper tantrum, she’s controlled by her hatred. Is she a practitioner?” Since I had such a negative thought toward her, didn’t I end up adding bad substances to her? How could she change?
When I calmly examined myself, I realized Ms. Wen and I had sentimentality. The purity and sanctity that should exist between fellow practitioners was lost. We both held each other to the standards of the Fa, instead of looking inward. On the surface we wanted the other person to improve quickly, and this thought came from sentimentality. Our behavior was influenced by Chinese Communist Party culture: we criticized, complained, and looked down on others. I felt superior and I failed to put myself in others peoples’ shoes. I didn’t look inward and I lacked compassion. I always felt I was right. Wasn’t this interference? No wonder other practitioners complained about me.
I’ve cultivated for more than 20 years, and I thought I eliminated Party culture, but when I looked inward, I found I still had these attachments: belittling others to make myself look good and spreading rumors among practitioners about our conflicts. I wanted to look inward so I could improve quickly, but I was trying to find practitioners’ shortcomings to make myself look better. I had so many CCP elements, could I ever cultivate compassion? Could I have a peaceful mindset?
I was moved to tears after I realized this. I felt sorry for Master who painstakingly made these arrangements for me, as well as the sacrifices other practitioners made. As soon as I had this thought I felt a surge of immense gratitude. When I identified the CCP’s poisonous elements in me, Master helped eliminate them. Then I felt completely relaxed and developed a peaceful mind.
When I saw Ms. Wen again, she had a peaceful tone when talking. She told me that without knowing why, she wanted to have a temper tantrum with me as soon as she saw me. Even though she felt regretful afterward, she couldn’t hold it. I said to her, “That’s because I didn’t know how to look inward, so you behaved like that. You were helping me remove those bad thoughts as well as the Party’s culture that I didn’t realize. I should thank you sincerely for all the help that you’ve offered me all these years on my cultivation path. We shouldn’t have Master worry about us any more.”
She said with a smile, “Let’s cultivate diligently.” We finally eliminated the gap between us.
Let’s all remember the precious tool Master gave us—looking inward. Eliminate the Party culture in us in our every thought and action, assimilate to Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance, change ourselves from our nature, be qualified practitioners that perform solid cultivation, and not forsake Master’s benevolent saving grace!
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!