Greetings! My name is Tianlun Jian. In the May of 1997, while I was working in New York, I was predestined to learn about Falun Dafa. That day, I watched Master Lis entire set of the nine-section seminar tapes, without sleep or rest. While I was watching, I rejoiced at being able to find this great master, and to learn the purpose of being a human and the principles of cultivation practice. Soon afterwards, I borrowed tapes of Master Lis various lectures and published Dafa books. Since I knew Dafa is so great; I tried to pump Dafa into my head in hope of catching up with veteran practitioners as soon as possible.
Though I had read all the Dafa books and practiced the exercises daily, I did not understand cultivation practice in daily life. In the beginning, I seldom joined the local group studies or discussions as I had read Zhuan Falun several times and thought that I understood it pretty well. Later I did participate in group discussion, and I found that I also went through some tribulations faced by other practitioners. But I had not treated the tribulation as a practitioner should, and let it go without a fuss. I did not try to understand, and was even confused. Why did other practitioners go through tribulations one after another, while I did not experience any? In fact, it was not that I did not face any tests, but was rather that I did not act according to the Dafa requirements. When faced with a tribulation, I neither examined myself for the cause nor did I accept it as an opportunity for progress. I would assess the difficulty in the manner of an ordinary person and look for a way out. Thus I missed again and again the opportunities for cultivation. Not until that day did I realize the importance of group study and group practice. In such a cultivation environment, practitioners are able to share cultivation experiences, to encourage each other and to improve together. This is especially good for getting rid of our attachments and it is the fastest way for improving ourselves. Master Li said: Let me tell you a truth: the entire human cultivation process consists of constantly giving up human attachments. From then on, I began to regularly join group Dafa study and group practices.
In the past few years, competition between long distance telephone companies has become more and more furious. They employ various means to attract customers, such as rate reduction, monthly fee waver, and even cash rewards. I also became one of their targets. Favorable terms given by one firm were bettered by another. At first, I was unwilling to switch telephone companies, because I did not want the trouble. It was also because I thought, how can I get anothers money with no good reason. Then I was told that it only takes a few minutes to switch companies, we would not only enjoy lower rates, but also would get several dozens of dollars in cash reward. At that time, I was laid-off and did not have much to do, so I wanted to give a try. After such a try, I immediately felt the benefit. It was only two to three weeks after I switched companies, and another firm called me up and gave even more favorable terms. The company representative even said, What are you worrying about? I was saying to myself: It is not I who asked for it, and this is the way they do their business; dont worry about it; they are happy and Im happy, too. So in just two months, I switched three telephone companies and felt pleased with myself. Not long afterward, the telephone bill came. I looked at it. What was going on? How could only two to three long distance calls cost three hundred dollars? The firm set a rule that if customers who switched to their firm and did not stay for a full three months not only would have to return the original cash award, but also would be charged at the highest rate! With some calculation, I found all the money that I made by switching telephone companies had to be paid out now. I suddenly realized that as Master Li says: No loss, no gains. I realized that Master Li used switching telephone companies to test me again and again to see if I covet material interest. But I did not understand and failed the test. Instead I used my De again and again in exchange for favorite benefits, and completely did not treat myself as a practitioner. I used the ordinary peoples mentality to calculate my losses and gains.
This incident greatly exposed my attachment to material interest. I still remember when I first began to learn Dafa that I had said to myself the crux of Falun Dafa cultivation is to assimilate the cosmic qualities: Truthfulness, Benevolence and Forbearance, and to rid of human attachments to fame, material interest and sentimentality. At that time, I thought that I was not keen on fame or material interest. I thought my cultivation should focus on sentimentality. It seems now the so-called not keen on fame or material interest was viewed from an ordinary persons point of view. Having learned Dafa, I must live up to a higher standard.
I used to work in New York. Due to company restructuring, many of the staff members were laid off. I also lost my job, and so returned to Boston. I had just studied Dafa for two weeks. I wasnt very unhappy, and vigorously started to look for a new job. I thought that this might just be something Master Li arranged for me. I thought that since I started late learning the Fa, such an arrangement would allow me time to catch up. From then on, everyday, I would practice the exercises, read the Fa, and watch Masters lecture videotapes.
Half a year flashed by, others had already found jobs, but I still had not settled down yet. It is not that there were no companies interested in me. In those few months, each month there were two to three job interviews. Some companies had even gone through all the procedures and were only waiting to choose a good date for me to begin the job. But for some unknown reasons, my starting date was postponed again and again. I simply could not start my new job. At the beginning, I found many objective reasons: the companies merged and so froze the pay roll; managers left the company; the plan for new hiring changed etc I experienced every one of the above. Then there came the Asian Financial Crisis, and many financial firms began massive lay offs. For me who specialized in Asian economies it was yet another blow. I considered myself to be a good person. I did not have strong attachments to fame or material interests. I did not seek after high living standards. Wherever it is, whatever it does, as long as the job utilizes my specialty, and as long as the salary is comparable to my experience and capabilities, I would be content. I did not realize, however, I was obstructed in Xinxing improvement just because of such a way of thinking. I was evaluating myself with the lower standards of the ordinary people.
One night, I received a telephone call from an executive director of a large investment firm. He said that I was recommended to fill a position analyzing the Asian economies and stocks. After we both briefly talked, I felt the job fit me very well, it could allow full play to my specialty. He was also very satisfied and prepared to offer me an interview with his associates. But as we discussed further, a conflict emerged. On discussing the topics of Asian stocks and the Asian economies, I totally forgot myself, as if I was an authority, started talking bombastically, and even started to argue with him. Each sentence was filled with the mentality of showing off and the mentality of competing. My daughter described my conversation to me: If it was written down, every word would be in bold and each sentence would have an exclamation mark !. After the telephone call had finished, my wife said: Just with your kind of talking, it would be surprising if anyone would hire you. You have had so many interviews, why are they all unsuccessful? You should look into yourself for answers. Thats right. Master Li said that when there is a conflict you should look inward, and not to seek solutions from outside. How could I have spoiled such a great opportunity? Why? Recalling the entire course of the phone interview, I found that my words were filled with the attachment to fame. I exploited every opportunity to show that I was a professional and an expert. I was jealous that others were better than I was. Facing a conflict of opinions I was arguing for my self-esteem and proved that Im right and youre wrong.
That night I thought a lot. Seeking fame, status, benefits and recognition from the society are attachments to fame that are easily detected. Through my studying the Fa, I have become less concerned about fame and material interests. But my attachment to fame has deep roots back to the days in the elementary school when I began competing in scores and competing in rankings in school. After I started working, I was seldom satisfied with my own position and always ready to switch to a better one. I always thought that I was better than others. I used every chance to flaunt my knowledge and abilities, and to let others deem myself as amazing, extraordinary. This kind of attachment to fame and material interests compared to the kind mentioned above is more concealed, and not as easily detected. It is just such an attachment to fame that puts me in conflict with the universe. That is why I used to always feel unfortunate and why I felt others didnt understand me. Only at this time did I recognize that according to the standard of Dafa, I not only did not relinquish the attachment to fame and material interests, but the attachment had begun developing since early years. Such attachments had roots deep and tight, penetrating throughout every aspect of my life. Often times, when I met a new friend or colleague, I would naturally ask which school he graduated from and the ranking of the department. Such attachments to fame also penetrate into my childs education without my notice. There seems to have a general understanding that she will not attend colleges other than Harvard University or MIT. This invisibly is generating unnecessary pressure on her mind. And thus for some time she reported only the good news and not the bad, for fear that she might get criticized as she did not meet parents expectation. Am I teaching her good or bad? I was frightened at the thought.
Thinking about this, I suddenly realized that the entire process of finding a job is in fact a best opportunity to cultivate myself. In such a process, my attachments to fame and material interests can be fully displayed to me. Through looking inward, my anger cooled. Not long afterwards, I finally got a position at a financial firm in Boston.
Master Li said: As a human being, if you can follow this universes characteristic of Zhen-Shan-Ren you are a good person. Master Li also said: As a practitioner, if you assimilate yourself with this characteristic, you are one who has obtained the Tao. It is just such a simple principle. (Zhuan Falun p. 15). After considering the three aspects: Zhen, Shan, Ren (Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance), I found that I was the worst at Forbearance. I had to work on Forbearance. But even then I didnt think carefully about why I could not forbear. I thought at that time that if someone hit me or cursed me I could probably be able to forbear because I had learned from reading the Fa that I had to forbear it. I also thought though that I may not be able to truly not be moved in my heart. I thought that I should improve step by step. Since my Xinxing did not improve, whenever a tribulation came, I would not be able to forbear. To save face, I would always grumble and talk back. It was only after the tribulation that I realized that I should have forborne. The reason why I couldnt stay unmoved in my heart and soul was that I didnt improve my Xinxing and dig to the fundamental reason why I could not forbear. After two years of cultivation I gradually realized that the reason I could not forbear was that I was still attached to the ordinary peoples fame and material interests. When I had encountered a tribulation I never looked inward but I always looked externally for reasons, trying to give myself some evidence that I was right. That was why I had to reason with others until they agreed with me. If I couldnt reach my goal then it was impossible for me to continue to forbear. Outwardly it is not being able to forbear, yet from a deeper level of understanding it is not possessing enough benevolence.
Master Li said The Great Law is round and harmonious. Each word of the three characters Zhen Shan Ren also has cosmic qualities of Zhen Shan Ren. This is because matter is composed of microscopic substances and the microscopic matter is made up of more microscopic substances, which will go on and on until there is no matter. Therefore, Zhen is formed of Zhen Shan Ren, Shan is formed of Zhen Shan Ren, and Ren is formed of Zhen Shan Ren as well. Saving ones own face manifests the attachment to fame. When one competes and fights to save his own face, or to protect his own material interests, one will not consider saving face for other people. Nor will he think of others first all the time and he wouldnt be Shan or compassionate to others. So thats why there is benevolence in forbearance, and why when not possessing a great enough benevolence I would neither be able to be broad-minded, nor be able to always forgive others mistakes, nor be able to let go of my material interests. As a practitioner I should act as Dafa directs and think more of others. Only in this way would I be able to look inward when encountering tribulations. In the process I shall upgrade my Xinxing, and remove all the human attachments, assimilate the cosmic characteristic Zhen-Shan-Ren, and quickly return to my true home.
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