Hello, I am a Canadian practitioner who has been living in Sydney Australia for about a month. When planning to leave Canada I thought I should stop in China before going to Australia. I was planning to go to Tianamen Square and hold up a banner with Chinese practitioners. I thought, if I get arrested, because I am a westerner the whole worlds would know. And if the police beat me, I thought that this would be good. This would raise more attention of the situation in China. A very dear friend had paid for my ticket to Australia and I couldn't ask him to also pay for me to go to China, so I didn't go.
Very recently I had a discussion with some practitioners, and this practitioner asked me what I thought about China. I explained that I wanted to go to Tianamen square or Zhongnonghai and practice exercises or hold a banner with other practitioners. A practitioner said " from my understanding I would never tell anyone to go to Beijing, and I would never tell someone not to go. It is up to their heart." I thought to myself how will I go by myself? I can't speak Chinese. Who will take care of me? I realized my fear, and through discussion I felt I should not have to go with other practitioners because this is my heart. If someone will come with me, fine, but if not I would go by myself. After that decision I felt different. The only word I can think of is stronger and more grounded in the Law, without relying on anyone else. While the other practitioners discussed in Chinese I thought to myself. How will I find my way? I then said to myself " I will find my way." Then I thought I probably only have enough money to get there. What will I do? Then I said to myself " I will get there". Then I thought I will have neither food nor any money for me to buy food. What will I do? Then I said to myself " then I won't eat ". Each time my mind would try to interfere I would give up that mentality and stay determined inside. I then knew I was not ordinary person. I am cultivator of Dafa. I no longer live for myself. Instead I live for Dafa. I felt as though my heart was deeply touched by the greatness of Dafa, that it was difficult to hold back my tears. I felt so filled with the beauty of Dafa that it was coming out of my eyes. I was then determined and made up my mind. I will go to China use my Caucasian face and show the Chinese government that Dafa is enriching all people all over the world, spreading far and wide giving virtuous guidance to millions.
I thought to myself, I have to go to China. I must go to China. As we continued to have our discussion, a practitioner said if you want to go to China this is a good heart. But if you have to go or must go this is another attachment. I had not even voiced my decision to go and someone said this. I felt as though Master was using another practitioner to tell me something. I then remembered Master had said that he only looks at our hearts. During this discussion I had not even left my chair let alone travel to another country. My heart had changed tremendously and I had barely moved a muscle. This experience helped me come to a new understanding of what cultivation really is. I then remembered this is the Great Law of the universe not the great law of China. It doesn't matter where I am. I can always cultivate. Whether it is in China, Australia, Canada, it doesn't matter. All over the world there are people who don't know about Dafa yet. Then I can help Master spread Dafa anywhere.
Later on, on the same day I was having another discussion with a group of practitioners and the discussion started to become personal and I could feel some tension building. One practitioner confronted another, questioning if they were true in their heart to Dafa. Not feeling threatened the practitioner quietly gave their understanding of Dafa. This practitioner didn't react in defense. I didn't notice any personal interest arising in this practitioner. This practitioner didn't want to defend herself. The practitioner only wanted to discuss Dafa, so we could all come to a better understanding. The practitioner didn't even seem to notice the attack. It seemed to me this person had cultivated great Shan and really thought of others instead of self first. Later the next day, I reflected on the past evening and I could see that I was quite selfish in comparison. Even if someone just gave me his or her understanding about something I would create a conflict because I didn't agree. If someone were to challenge my belief in Dafa I know I would set them straight and defend myself. I now see that this is the mentality of an ordinary person. If I am in a conflict I must be afraid of losing something and these are only attachments. Master has said to love our enemies and if I am making conflict, what kind of cultivator am I. If I love my enemies, I have no enemies. Once seeing this selfishness I could no longer bear looking at myself and began to weep, I felt so humbled. I see such selflessness showed me that I am selfish and have become complacent in my cultivation of Shan. For at least a week and a half I had a nose bleed everyday. I thought this was my body changing. I thought because I would upgrade my Xinxing master had been clearing my karma. I thought the more blood the better. After a few days I said master must have been trying to show me something. I knew I needed to cultivate better but I was still doing very poorly. I thought I was doing all right but my nose continued to bleed. If a conflict took place and I was a little selfish my nose would bleed a little. If I was very selfish my nose would bleed a lot. After I stopped reacting selfishly during a conflict, my nose would still bleed and I realized that I was still selfish in my mind or heart. Master was not only giving me an opportunity to enlighten to my shortcomings but also helping me to pay back the karma I had created from being selfish. Master has explained that we will not be able to thank him enough and we will never know how to show him gratitude. For this reason and countless other reasons I now see why!
When I give up this selfishness I am able to experience Shan. This also showed me my place in life, it showed me where I stand in life. I realize that I come last, and it is everyone else who comes first. This was very humbling for me because I have always been so selfish. It is not only fellow cultivators, family or friends, which come first, but everyone, everywhere. Master has explained that through the cultivation of Shan one will have great mercy and see that people are suffering. I feel that ordinary people also come before me. Furthermore they have not have had the opportunity to obtain Dafa and this isso sad that my heart and mind can't feel or understand the entirety of the sorrow I have inside. If I am firmly cultivating Zhen-Shan-Ren others will want to know why I am such a good person, then I can say because I practice Falun Dafa. To my understanding this is the best way to spread the Law. I have difficulty putting myself last at times but the more I can give up my own mentality for Zhen-Shan-Ren the more I can really put others before myself and then everything becomes much more clear. I feel much more humble and I can feel myself getting closer and closer and closer to my original true nature.
When I look back on my decision to go to China I can see that my heart was sincere, but I was thinking using the ordinary person's mentality. If I do this, regardless of my pure intention, I will be creating conflict with China because I know if I gather with other practitioners, or practice the exercises I am breaking their laws. I don't feel that I would be viewed as a responsible and grounded young man. I must think of this because I represent the Dafa to the world when I take such an action. To think that I must go to China to help verify Dafa seems like that I had a narrow point of view. I look at the world and there are countess people who don't know anything about Dafa, and those people who have heard about it may have the wrong opinion. If I go to China people won't listen to me. But in other countries I can spread the Law and do my best to make sure Master is not going to miss even one of his students. When I realized this I remembered meeting two Members of Parliament in Australia on two separate occasions who wanted to learn more about Falun Dafa for themselves, so they could benefit from Falun Dafa. I find this to be a much greater help to Master than if I flew to China and risk being arrested. If I go to China I am like a grain of sand in a dessert, but when two others have a chance to obtain Dafa, this is incomparably precious. From my understanding the more people around the world which not only know about the Law but experience its power in their life the faster the Law can correct this level. If the world supports Falun Dafa not out of principle but from their hearts then I feel that all evils will be rectified.
Some practitioners had tried to tell me that I was selfish in my decision to go to China, but I wouldn't listen. Then I realized they were right. I was also not thinking of others first in my decision to go to China. My mother and father and some friends have been introduced to Dafa and think it is something good. But if I go to China for my beliefs they will think I have lost my mind. They may blame Falun Dafa. They could say Falun Dafa has made my son give up his life and go to China, and all my friends and family could then fear Falun Dafa. Then how could Master save them. What kind of practitioner would I be? Am I helping Master? Why risk this when there is so much good I can do to help Master right where I am. Other Government officials have advised us not to go and they would think I am foolish. Then they may think Falun Dafa made me foolish and Falun Dafa is not good. What kind of image would I be making in people's minds? Then the other governments may not try to stop China if they think Falun Gong makes people give up their life and run to China. I would not be viewed as a responsible person. How can I spread the Law when people think of me this way? This is not an explanation of my fears or self interest, it is the Law which has awakened me to a broader understanding. I see now that the image and reputation of Falun Dafa in the world is very, very important. As a practitioner it is my actions and conduct which represent Falun Dafa to the world. I feel as though my initial understanding was very sincere. But I was looking through my ordinary mentality, but when I conform to Zhen Shan Ren all my attachments become clear and then I all I have to do is just to let them go, intern having a new and deeper understanding of Master's Dafa. In the beginning I was being quite truthful but I was not conforming to Shan nor was I exercising Ren. I see my understanding was quite a shallow one. I see Dafa is not Zhen and Shan and Ren, it is Zhen-Shan-Ren. They are not separate principals, it is the sole characteristic of the Universe. It is not three separate characteristics, but the one essential characteristic of the universe. Master has said in A Brief Talk On Shan "Therefore, Zhen is formed of Zhen-Shan-Ren, Shan is formed of Zhen-Shan-Ren and Ren is formed of Zhen-Shan-Ren as well."
I feel that I must continue to read more and more and more often so that I may continue to better understand Master's Dafa, because it is too often that I am not Zhen-Shan-Ren. Master has said in Melting into the Law, "The more you are filled in mind the more rapidly you will change." I see that only through the Law will I be able to see what it is I should do. Master says in On Buddha Law, " Buddha Law can genuinely distinguish between good and evil, right and wrong, and establish the right view by eradicating all fallacies.
"Every time I am going wrong master will show me what is right and whenever I do something right Master shows me how to do even better. I will never in eternity be able to show Master my gratitude nor do I think Master wants my thanks. I do know that Master does want to save me. Since this is the case, I can say Master you will save me. I will persevere firmly in my cultivation, further and further and more sincerely every day until I reach my consummation.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
