"After my mother passed away, I have been looking for explanations within the laws. But I was touched only by the principles taught in Falun Dafa" -- Author
My view of Falun Gong before the "April 25" incident
I started my education after the downfall of the "Gang of Four"(in 1976). I dearly loved my country and had many beautiful dreams. Like many other contemporary youth, I was ambitious and full of confidence in our country and the era in which we lived. I believed that through our hard work, the value of life would be carried out in terms of making our lives more wonderful. I believed that I was a dialectical materialist with a purpose in life, aspirations, and ambitions. Although there were many unhealthy tendencies in society, I had always trusted that the government would resolve them.
In 1996, some of my relatives started practicing Falun Gong. I regarded this as a way for them to keep fit and while away their time. Gradually I noticed that they often mentioned the principles taught in the book. I considered myself to be a thorough materialist and tried very hard to reason with them using what I had learned. I forced myself to read Zhuan Falun solely for the purpose of refuting them. As I read the book, I found my questions for my relatives answered, while at the same time, new questions came up and later on I found the answers to the new questions. I often had to remind myself not to believe such things. However, from that day on, a voice echoed in my head: I should not tell lies, neither should I do bad deeds. Although I still had questions, I did not reject Falun Gong and its practitioners any more. Later on, my mother started practicing Falun Gong, too. Witnessing the many benefits that she gained from it, I began to support it. After the Chinese New Year in 1999, out of selfish motives, I also began to practice the exercises. That was less than two months before the "April 25" incident happened.
During that time, I had the opportunity to attend the gatherings held spontaneously by the practitioners. When I was with them, I had such harmonious and peaceful feelings that I had never had before. There was no consideration of social status: rich or poor, old or young, or social class. The only words I could think of to describe a group of people like them was a "pure land." My soul felt as if in a heaven of peace. I never knew that it could be so harmonious among people. This was also the most harmonious period of time that my mother and I had had in the past 30 years.
After mother started her cultivation practice
My mother started cultivation practice in the Fall of 1997. She was very healthy. She did not come to practice to be healthy. She never believed in anything nor had she held any family memorial ceremonies for our ancestors. She did not believe in fortune telling, either. After my father passed away, loneliness and daily pressures made her develop a short temper. She lost her temper easily and she smoked a lot. She started practicing cultivation in order not to be annoyed by her children, to find something to rely on, and to cultivate her moral character.
At the very beginning, she regained her menstrual period after many years of menopause. She smoked less and less. She cleaned the sidewalk and the streets around our house every day. She had more control over her temper. She told us about the different sensations she had when doing the exercises every day. I was happy to see that my mother's life was full of vitality. In order to support her, I cleared out a room in our apartment to set up a practice site for them.
Our neighbor Grandpa Liang, who was suffering from all kinds of illnesses, was too sick to walk. With the help of others, he came to the practice site. Amazingly enough, he could walk with ease only after a short period of practicing and he no longer suffered from any illness. His snow-white hair and eyebrows gradually turned back to a youthful black. People in our area are relatively less educated than those in other places. Many of them started cultivation practice not because of the principles of Dafa, but because of what they actually saw -- all kinds of miracles, which could not be explained with general knowledge, happened to Falun Gong practitioners. And then, the principles of Falun Gong would explain everything clearly.
After April 25, 1999, I tried to side with the government. But I couldn't imagine that things would end up like this.
I didn't know the reason behind the "April 25" incident. But I was no longer practicing Falun Gong at that time and I was very much convinced by the government's propaganda between April 25 and July 22. Meanwhile, I started trying to convince my mother and other practitioners to give up the practice.
Starting from July 22, the overwhelming propaganda on TV had made me try to side with the government. I turned in mother's Falun Gong books and signed the agreement for her to recant the practice. After a few days, I found that what I did had brought tremendous suffering to my mother. No matter how difficult her life had been in the past, I had never seen her suffer so much, to the point as though she were about to collapse. At the same time, I started questioning the propaganda on TV: Nowhere in Zhuan Falun can you find the accused claim saying that the earth is going to explode, nor can you find any mention of not allowing people to take medicine. Moreover, none of the practitioners I knew had committed suicide, let alone killed other people.
Later, many practitioners were arrested and criticized publicly. Many practitioners' families were also under close watch. Mother was often summoned to attend re-education' sessions. Passengers on long-distance buses had to go though interrogation many times and sometimes had to curse Teacher Li to be allowed to pass. My 5-year-old child also learned that it was not allowed to mention anything about Grandma practicing Falun Gong, otherwise she would be arrested by the police. I would not force my mother to do anything, but I could make a guarantee to the government that my mother would not go to Beijing to appeal. She didn't have much income or education. Also, I figured she would get lost easily.
On December 4, I received a notice from the government asking for money. It said that my mother was detained because she had gone to Beijing to appeal, and we had to pay the fine. I "took away" mother's income. The local authorities took turns coming to my home and told us the possible consequences to my family. I felt disgusted with some government officials' forceful, sometimes close to threatening, manner. At that time, I opposed mother's appeal, but I didn't like the way the government was handling this issue, either. Maybe because I had always believed in the principles of Falun Gong, or maybe because I was moved by the unselfishness and fearlessness of some practitioners, or maybe because I believed that making an appeal is every citizen's right granted by law, I decided to let my mother do whatever she wanted. She should have her freedom. She should be respected. She had not done anything wrong.
However, shortly after, my mother was beaten to death. What I have seen and suffered since she passed away are truly unimaginable.
I started to think back and reconsider things.
Mother had not done anything wrong but she was murdered. It is definitely not Falun Gong that caused her to die. However, what was the government's propaganda telling us? I started to believe that it was the government who was deceiving us. I took a fresh look at the "July 20" and "April 25" incidents and realized that the enormous grief of the nation lies in those apathetic souls. Cultivators are truly magnificent. They have completely abandoned the nature of being enslaved and do not hesitate to risk their lives for the truth. How important it is to have beliefs. I felt the tremendous power in Teacher Li's teaching.
While I was detained, I once again began studying Zhuan Falun. Those great principles started to unfold in front of my eyes. Cultivators are indomitable. Besides slandering and condemning Falun Gong, I haven't seen any real evidence provided by the government. Meanwhile, we have found all the answers to life within the "truth of the universe." I started practicing again and it felt wonderful to be a cultivator. If everyone could handle everything with "Zhen-Shan-Ren (Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance)" and cultivate with one's heart, they would obtain things that are most wonderful and indescribable, and they would become indomitable. All the slander and persecution from the government appears pale and powerless in comparison.
In order to let people in the world and the government know the truth, we are ready to give up everything, even our lives.
Practitioners have no political agenda. Mother always gave up the chance to be voted in elections. If Teacher Li had any political agenda, immediately there would be no one practicing Falun Gong. We are not against the government. If we did anything wrong, anyone can point it out to us. Can it be true that only non-practitioners can stabilize political power and become the government's trustworthy citizens? Isn't it "twisted reasoning and fallacy" to say, "people who cultivate will threaten the government?" For all the slander and persecution, the government could not give any reasons, so we can only believe more in the principles of Dafa. No matter what happens, we are not against the government. I myself may have a little bit of hatred towards those who have abused us. However, we cannot just ignore and indulge those criminals who have abused Falun Gong practitioners, otherwise that would be the same as profaning the law in the human world. It is the duty of every citizen to defend the dignity of the law, just as it is the duty of every practitioner to protect Dafa.
If the Chinese government now decided to redress the suppression of Falun Gong
If the central government now decided to redress the suppression of Falun Gong, then at least all our local government officials that are handling Falun Gong cases would feel relieved and be extremely happy. They have exhausted their tricks and for a while have been using criminal measures to torture these goodhearted people. In order to carry out the government order to "thoroughly exterminate the 'evil,'" they have committed countless crimes and deserve to come to judgment. When some officials were forced to search practitioners' house and confiscate their property, they kept saying to practitioners' family members: "What we're doing is incorrect. We're wrong. We're unreasonable. They are all good people. We don't like confiscating your property."
Isn't "seeking truth from facts" the good working style of the ruling party? Why not discover the truth and make a correct decision? There is a saying, "one would rather suffer than lose face." We hope the leadership in the central government stops suffering on this issue.
I would still like to trust in the Chinese government, but it must be the Chinese government after it has corrected its mistakes. We are waiting for it with hope in our hearts.
With respect,
Zhang, Xueling
August 22, 2000
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