[Clear Wisdom] Upon writing my awakening experience, tears welled up like a fountain. I appreciate Master Li for his great compassion and giving me an opportunity to repent and correct my mistakes. My life was full of frustration and suffered many a setback. My lower back injury, which was caused by a car accident, brought me a lot of trouble. I felt that living in grief was harder than death. In 1995, I was delighted to obtain Dafa (universal law and principle.) Master Li gave me a second life. I started to make a new life and moved forward quickly in cultivation. I overcame barrier after barrier and tribulation after tribulation. I pledged to follow Master Li's teaching to return to my true self.
On July 22, 1999, a large-scale evil persecution was launched against Falun Dafa and Master Li. I did not hesitate and went to Beijing to guard Dafa along with my only daughter. I was arrested and detained illegally by the police. Later I experienced being detained at home, as well as two illegal administrative detentions, followed by one year's labor reeducation. During that period of more than one year, based on my strong faith in Dafa, I held a hunger strike five times and ran to the exercise yard to practice Falun Gong exercises and recite Dafa scriptures many times. I was beaten brutally by the criminal inmates and suffered the police hurling insults at me. No matter how large the barriers and how big the difficulties I was facing; I never had any doubt about Dafa and Master Li. However, I began to feel lost because the environment was still evil and harsh after our guarding Dafa and practicing Falun Gong exercises again and again. Why couldn't the environment be transformed? At that moment, the infamous Masanjia Transformation Group arrived at the labor camp. I was deceived by their evil lies and finally the evil force took advantage of my weakness. At that time, I thought those weaknesses were what I had enlightened to from Dafa, and that I was absolutely right. Thus, in the tribulations, I moved further away from Dafa.
Master Li said, "In the Fa, I have told you to practice cultivation while conforming to everyday people as much as possible. I have never said that you should conform to everyday people as much as possible [in and of itself]. If you are no different from an everyday person, are you still a cultivator?" However, led by the evil enlightenment to conform to everyday people, we were organized to give the transformation report in many places. The result was very bad and the evil effect was widely spread. Because of my "transformation accomplishments", I was rewarded to have a four-month reduction and released in advance.
After I arrived at home, I studied Master Li's several new articles. I was awakened from the dream and regretted my actions deeply. Why was I deceived? I did a thorough self-examination and analyzed the reasons as set forth below.
1. Self-satisfactory attachment
The tribulations and tests of over a year made me feel that I had cultivated well and had high enlightenment quality. Therefore, I believed that I reached Consummation upon hearing that XX from Masanjia said: "You have already reached Consummation. You no longer need to study and practice Dafa." Actually, "If a person doesn't have that much karma, he absolutely won't have tribulations that severe." (from Speech by Master Li Hongzhi at the Western US Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference of Falun Dafa on October 21st, 2000) Thus it does not mean much to have been arrested and sentenced to labor education.
2. I failed to realize the relationship between self-cultivation and Fa rectification with a clear mind.
(1). I had a wrong thought that the unchanged harsh environment was due to my competitive attachment, meaning that I did not conform to the Universal Principles and did not think like everyday people.
(2). I also had a wrong thought that I had broken through and could wait for Consummation by watching quietly. I treated the other practitioners' actions of guarding Dafa as the behavior of low level people. I thought that they were attached to reaching the Consummation.
Actually, "Real Buddhas are guardians of the cosmos and are responsible for all righteous elements in the cosmos." (from Speech by Master Li Hongzhi at the Western US Cultivation Experience Sharing Conference of Falun Dafa on October 21st, 2000) Therefore, no matter how high or how low the level a practitioner has reached, it is an unshirkable duty for a Dafa particle to validate and guard Dafa, and suffocate evils. It is the "selfishness" that leads to the search for quietness and non-action. Self-sacrifice, without hesitation and merging into the trend of validating Dafa are the real actions to eliminate attachments for Consummation.
When I awoke from enlightening along an evil path, the first thing I did was to help those deceived practitioners in the labor camp. I tried my best to bring Master Li's new scriptures into the camp. After studying the new scriptures, five practitioners have been made clear and one has been completely awakened. Then, I actively eliminated my bad influence through talking with the officials of the labor camp and seriously declared that I was taking back all the so-called transformation materials I wrote. I stated clearly that Falun Dafa is righteous Fa and reveals the truth of the universe.
Seeing my determination to repent of my error, Master Li's law body immediately offered me a chance to make up for it. Only one month after I was released, the Director, Vice Director, and four policemen of the local branch police station broke into my house at midnight. They looked fierce and forced me to state whether I wanted to practice Dafa or not. Both my daughter and I answered, "yes". The Director said: "If you want to practice Falun Gong, you must have Falun Gong books at home. We will make a thorough search of every corner." At that moment, I recalled Master Li's scripture, "Expounding on the Fa": "Whenever a tribulation comes, you do not see it with the side of your original nature but view it completely from your human side. Evil demons then take advantage of this point and inflict endless interference and damage, leaving practitioners in long-term tribulations. As a matter of fact, this results from an inadequate understanding of the Fa by your human side. You have humanly restrained your divine side; in other words, you have restrained the parts that have been successfully cultivated and prevented them from rectifying the Fa." My daughter spoke loudly to denounce what they were doing. I opened the door immediately and cried to my neighbors: "Kind-hearted neighbors please help us Falun Gong practitioners. We are good people. Help! Bandits have arrived! They ransacked my house three times without a search or arrest warrant. They forcibly arrest, beat and insult people. They humiliate us, orphan and widow. Please come to help us immediately!"
My shouting broke the quietness of the night. The police were struck dumb. At that moment, my neighbors came out to help us by saying that we are good people, which stopped the police's wild actions and illegal arresting. After they left, my daughter and I had all sorts of feelings in our mind. Now it is the time to actively suffocate evils and to play the role of a Dafa particle. As a deity guarding the Fa, he should act as "Ding Tian Du Zun, Qian Shou Fo Li." (the Verse recited once right before the first set of Falun Gong exercise). In the dream of the next night, I saw a branch of a red plum in bloom in the semi-transparent sky. I was delighted and shouted: "Come to see the red plum, the red plum." After I woke up, I told my daughter that Master Li encouraged us to be like the red plum, which is not afraid of the winter's cold and opens its blossoms toward the sun.
I have too many feelings. I wrote the article of my experience with my heart and tears. My biggest wish is that those practitioners, who have enlightened along an evil path like me, could wake up as early as possible after reading my experience article. "Telling the truth of Dafa more actively to recover the loss due to past mistakes." (from Master Li's article "About Drugs to Confuse Someone's Head")
A Dafa practitioner from Mainland China
December 6, 2000
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