I am a Falun Dafa disciple in China. I had discontinued my cultivation practice for over half a year. Inspired by the Master and Falun Dafa's great virtue, I am back in cultivation practice now. I feel the happiest ever, like a lost child who has found his way home. Once again, I have come to Beijing to safeguard the great law. Now I would like to share with you what I have experienced and learned in the hope that my fellow practitioners can draw some inspiration from it.
On July 22, 1999, I went with my wife and child to Beijing to safeguard Falun Dafa (All three of us in my family practice Falun Dafa). After we were taken back to our local public security bureau on August 1, 1999, all sorts of pressures came altogether. My mentality of ordinary people came out and I was afraid of losing my fame and self-interests. I began to vacillate in my heart. Once I wavered, demon found its way in. I found nowhere to escape from the influence of the government propaganda on newspapers and TV. Just as I wavered, the police told me: "Mr. Yang and Mr. Mu have both changed their minds already, why don't you change?" (These two people were both assistants in our assistance center. I used to admire their merits to have learned Falun Dafa well and their abilities to let go of attachments.) I could hardly believe it, so I asked to see them. When we met, they both cried. Mr. Yang said to me: "What we believed was not true..." I was totally lost, and my heart sunk to the bottom. They said, "Write, write out, all practitioners in the assistance center have written out..." I did not say anything at that time. I wrote when I got back. My heart collapsed. At that crucial moment when I was facing this major test, with one wrong thought, I lost my true nature. Instead of using the great law to guide my actions, I looked at others' behaviors, now I can't be more remorseful.
Master said: "Once one doesn't pass a test, another test will follow, it doesn't wait for you... you will not be able to pass it once it builds up to a greater amount." This is so true. Manipulated by ordinary people, I wrote statement of guarantee, statement of repentance and some materials of disclosure to be submitted to different levels of the government. I even went on TV. I did many things that were unjust to the Master and Falun Dafa in my speech and writings. My Xinxing level had dropped to a very low level. I despaired, thinking that I was unworthy of a Falun Dafa disciple, so I decided to be merely a good person among ordinary people.
However, it wasn't like what I had imagined that after a demotion in salary and rank, my life would gradually become calmer. I totally changed to an ordinary person as I thought the Master would no longer take care of me from then on. I took medicine, drank alcohol, played cards. But deep down in the bottom of my heart, I still want to be a good person. Nevertheless, it was also hard to be a good person. In the half-year period, I endured enormous pain in my heart, and I have weighed different things happened in my workplace with the principle of "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance". Nowadays, people would seek after self-interests by any means they can get. I remembered a fellow practitioner of mine who was so kind and selfless. I remembered myself to be so pure-hearted and nice in the days when I was still doing cultivation. It was the power of Falun Dafa that made people change constantly in the direction to better ones. In the book "Zhuan Falun", there were never any words guiding people to do bad deeds. It is all about guiding people in their cultivation practice. "To attain the righteous enlightenment of selflessness and altruism". Where is the "evil" in it? How could it be labeled as a cult? The great law is righteous; "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance" is righteous; it is by no means evil. Falun Dafa is righteous; it is wrong to call it an "evil religion". I was beginning to regain my conscience. Once again, I found my true nature. If a person could not distinguish right from wrong, good from evil, what is the meaning of his life? I want to learn Falun Dafa again; I want to go to Beijing; I want to tell everyone that Falun Dafa is righteous. It is the greatest law of the universe and not an evil religion. I finally came to my senses. It is the great virtue of Master Li and the great power of Falun Dafa that awakened me. I would let go of everything so as to stand by the truth. I would go to Beijing to safeguard Falun Dafa.
Once the right thought came out, Master arranged the cultivation environment for me - one of my fellow practitioners called (nobody contacted us for the past half a year). My wife and I went to exchange thoughts with them and we looked through some materials in safeguarding Falun Dafa. I was deeply touched by the firm stand of my fellow practitioners. I realized that the reason why I did not pass the test was that I did not give up fame and self-interests. I was therefore determined to let go of all my attachments of fame, self-interests and sentimentality. Consequently, I wrote a letter of declaration, which stated that all the materials for defaming the Master and Falun Dafa that I wrote or said in the past would be null and void! I handed it in to my workplace and requested to submit it to every level of the government. My workplace suspended my wife's and my work, and detained us in the house. We were confined in a small chilly room. I had a strong desire in my heart at that time: go to Beijing to safeguard Falun Dafa. Soon after the daybreak, I wanted to go to the washroom. There were no iron bars installed on the washroom windows. So I went off through the washroom window. Just as I came to the street, there came a taxi. I knew that it was arranged by the Master. I got in the taxi and went to Beijing without a hitch.
During my stay in Beijing, the Master had been removing karmas for me. He also revealed some scenes for me to see, which enhanced my belief in Falun Dafa. This is the great Buddha's Law of the Universe. I will adhere to it forever.
Fame, self-interests and sentimentality had wrapped my true nature. The Great Master revealed the truth to me. It made me understand how to be a human, how to cultivate, how to become an enlightened being, and how to return home with the Master! All of these are arranged by the Master. "The great law created the living environments for all the living beings in the Universe". Without the great law, there wouldn't be anything including you, him/her and me. As a disciple, I should tell the whole world with my experience and my heart that Falun Dafa is righteous!
"Firmly cultivate the great law with the heart unmoved.
Fundamental is the improvement of one's levels.
In front of trials, one's true nature is revealed.
The completion of cultivation leads to Buddha, Tao and God."
(Translated Mar. 26, 2000)
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Category: Improving Oneself
