One little over a year ago, I eagerly approached our community recreation center with the intention of learning Qigong to heal illnesses. What I found was Falun Dafa, a cultivation method which can guide me towards higher levels. Little did I know my outlook on the world and my life would change so quickly.
When I arrived, I was taught the exercises. After that, we all read China Falun Gong. During the reading, my mind would not stop racing with questions. There was so much material in the first few pages. I took the book home and finished reading it within a week. While reading, my mind seemed to open so much although I couldn't retain a bit of the book. I explained my dilemma to another practitioner. He said this was a normal state for a beginner and then gave me his copy of Zhuan Falun. He also said it was very important to read this book as quickly as possible. If I didn't finish the book the first time, it would be very difficult to pick it up later on. I took his advice and read the book over the next two weeks.
After I finished reading Zhuan Falun, a practitioner suggested I read the book again. I usually don't read books twice in a row, but this book seemed good, so I read a little each day. I also started to practice the exercises every day. The first time I watched the exercise tape, I felt a flow of warm energy coming to my body from the television. It seemed unbelievable. I also noticed something else unusual. I would experience a strange pushing sensation in my forehead. I was told that this is Tianmu. Sure enough, Master Li said in Zhuan Falun, "When I was talking about Tianmu, each of you would feel it was tight in your forehead. The muscle felt like piling up together and drilling inward. As long as you genuinely put your mind to studying Falun Dafa here, everyone will have such a feeling." The more I read this book, the more I was amazed. "This is not a normal book." I told a practitioner. There were so many amazing things in this book.
By the time I had read Zhuan Falun three times, I felt I had a general understanding, however, I was still confused. I knew I needed to improve my Xinxing and give up attachments, but I didn't know why. I knew there were many dimensions and higher levels, but I didn't have a very clear understand. Because of my slow reading pace, it was very hard for me to find the answers to these questions. I often relied on other practitioners to guide my cultivation. It was not until the New York Conference in March 1999 that I overcame this hurdle. Hearing both Master Li and veteran practitioners talk about the importance of reading the book, I began to realize the magic of this book. Master Li said "All the Gong and all the Fa are in the book.", and "Doing more reading and studying the books is the key to real improvement. To make it clearer, if you read the Dafa, you are actually changing."
At the beginning of my cultivation I equated improving Xinxing with not attaching to food. As a result I would beat myself up all day long for wanting to eat certain type of food. Later, I realized that this state could also be a kind of attachment. In Zhuan Falun, Master Li said, "There are all kinds of Xinxing. However much he can comprehend, however much he will attain." After I became enlightened to this situation and realized that it didn't matter what I ate as long as I wasn't attached, everything seemed to change. That particular attachment suddenly disappeared and my understanding of Xinxing grew as well.
There were many things which strengthened my faith. One morning, as I rode up to the morning practice site, I saw large clouds of energy coming off from the practitioners' bodies while they were practicing. Other times, while reading Zhuan Falun, I would see a Falun spinning or see sparkles of light, which looked like sand. I must point out, however, at the beginning of my cultivation I became very attached to the images I saw with my Tianmu. Sometimes I would unconsciously look for these things. In addition I developed the attachment of showing off. It took me a very long and painful time to get rid of these attachments. Only once I ignored the images I saw was my mind balanced. Master Li said, "It is also difficult to practice cultivation with Tianmu opened, and it will be harder to control your Xinxing well." I found out the hard way.
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The most important lesson I learned throughout the course of my cultivation has been the importance of improving Xinxing. In Zhuan Falun Master Li said, "One's Xinxing level is as high as one's Gong level, and this is an absolute truth." Having the good fortune to be around many veteran practitioners, I could feel their strong energy field. I knew they spent more time improving Xinxing than I did, so I began to devote more energy and time to improving my own Xinxing. One line in the book helped me. Mater Li said, "The desires of ordinary people, the immoral mind, as well as the thoughts to do wrong deeds should all be disposed. As long as your realm of mind is upgraded a little, some bad things will be eliminated from your own body." Some of the time I focused too narrowly on certain issues instead of getting rid bad thoughts. I was still far away from being assimilated with Zhen, Shan, Ren. I realized I could improve my Xinxing just by monitoring my own mind and getting rid of those little things I had overlooked before.
I also noticed that, when I could make my mind as right as possible, it was very easy to adjust incorrect thoughts and to eliminate them with little suffering. At these times my mind was benevolent and quiet. On the other hand, if I pursued something, or if my mind was incorrect, I would have to suffer some sort of hardship to improve. It seemed my situation was like Master Li said, " The further you are from the Tao, the harder it is to come back through cultivation."
I decided to memorize some short articles from Essentials for Further Advancement. In the article "Realms," Master Li said, "A wicked person is obsessed with selfishness, spite caused by jealousy and complains that he is treated unfairly. A virtuous person always keeps a heart of compassion. With no discontent, hatred, he takes hardship as joy. An enlightened one has no attachment at all. He quietly watches common people being lost in illusions." From this article I realized I sometimes carry discontent or anger in my heart. From that point on, I always tried to keep a heart of compassion. With a heart of compassion it was easier to be in a non-attachement state. It was also easier to follow the course of nature. It was easier to come closer the enlightened realm described in Master Li's article.
After a certain period of cultivation, I learned how to look inside myself and find my own problems. Whenever a problem arose, I would ask myself questions like, "Is there something wrong with my own Xinxing?" or "How can I improve here?". I noticed some problems came from my mind and some came from my heart. Cultivating my heart became a physical experience for me. Sometimes when I really wanted a thing or outcome, I could feel my heart being pulled by it. This seemed like a physical sensation. At the same time not being attached gave my heart a physical thing as well. Once I could make this distinction, I could make my heart right, but it seemed physical.
Some problems came from my poor enlightenment quality. For the last several months, I have been listening to audio cassettes of Master Li' s nine day lecture while going to class, or in my spare time. So I wouldn't have to buy batteries all the time, I bought a battery charger. One morning I noticed one of the batteries had leaked. As I took the battery out, some of the battery acid flew into my eye. I went to wash my eye out. I knew the tribulation was caused by karma, and I tried to calm myself down. But later on in the day, I wasn't sure if I had completely cleaned out the eye, and began to worry. I decided to go the University Hospital and have them rinse it out. I didn't think washing my eye out would be a problem since it was just saline, not medication. After my eye was rinsed, the doctors prescribed some medicine and told me to come back the next day. I realized that this whole ordeal was a test to see if I could treat myself as a practitioner. I called another practitioner and asked for her help. She told me to read Master Li's article, "Disease Karma," and told me her understanding. I then enlightened to way karma can be set off by surface things in our dimension.
Even though I had failed this test, Master Li had given me another chance. I had to decide if I would go back to the doctor or take the medicine. I decided to calm down and let go of my attachment. If there was pain it was karmic debt. My debt needed to be paid back, so I decided to not go back the doctor. The next day when I woke up and my eye felt fine. I realized my eye was probably all right in the first place, but my pain was just caused by fear. I just had to get rid of my fear.
With my present understanding and determination, I am prepared to break through my own attachments. I am ready to get past all sorts of cultivation states, whatever they may be. I am a practitioner on a path towards higher levels. I have the wisdom and support of my fellow practitioners. The rest, however, is up to me. With Zhuan Falun as my guide, I am prepared to face the biggest challenges I've ever known. Master Li said, "... Only by observing this Dafa can one meet the genuine standard.... " I hope to truly understand Dafa with my heart and to reach perfection as soon as possible.
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Category: Improving Oneself
