Hello, Sister:
It has been a long time since we have seen each other. I'd like to share with you some experiences and tribulations, that I have gone through, during my cultivation in jail this past month.
On April 14, the fifth day of our hunger strike, six fellow practitioners and I, who initiated the hunger strike, were separated and sent into two Lockups. Four practitioners were sent to the No. 2 Lockup, the two other practitioners and I were sent to the No. 1 Lockup. We were kept at a strictly controlled cell on the first floor. I knew we were going to have real tests and tribulations. We were really entering a "test room." There were three other female prisoners in the cell. On the third day we were there, the female guard pointed her finger at us and said, "Let me tell you, you have three days to memorize the Prison Rules, if you fail, you'll be handcuffed and shackled." At that moment I thought I was a practitioner of Falun Dafa, not a prisoner. I'd only memorize Dafa, not the prison rules. As soon as my righteous mind came out, I replied immediately, "I will not memorize the prison rules. If you want to shackle me, please do it now." Another practitioner also replied the same way. Both of us were immediately "shackled" (two hands and one foot were manacled together). That night my true spirit flew really high in grand music.
During those days when we were handcuffed and shackled, the head of the Lockup came and told us everyday, "As soon as you agree not to practice in the cell, we'll take the devices off." We behaved according to the standard of cultivators, and took the suffering and paid back the karma as joy. We refused to negotiate. On the sixth day, the torture devices were taken off, unconditionally. We passed the test. I suffered a lot physically and eliminated other karma during those days. However, since I could use Dafa to guide me at every moment, I understood this pain and suffering was all caused by the karma. When I looked back, those were nothing significant.
Somehow the guards got to know that we had Falun Dafa material. One day, after the checkup we were kept outside. A guard entered the cell and conducted a search. She messed up the cell and our belongings were scattered around. She shook her head when coming out, which meant that she had found nothing. The other guard became angry, she came to me slapping my face and pulling my hair and ordered, "Give them to me." I kept silent. Then she started to beat another practitioner. The practitioner who carried the material couldn't bear watching us being beaten; her human affection came out and she said to the guards, "Stop beating them, I have all the material." I didn't stop her while she handed the material over to the guard, thinking that this is her test and she didn't pass. Later when I looked inward, I remembered the Teacher's words that Dafa belongs to all sentient beings of the universe. Teacher also said, "Protecting Dafa with your own conduct is forever the responsibility of Dafa disciples." I realized that I didn't pass this test either. Three of us had a discussion and felt that we should not watch Dafa material being taken away. We thought of a hunger strike and stopped eating. Once the guard heard it, she came with another round of beating and cursing. While pulling my hair, she threatened "You'll be sent to the torture room tomorrow to be force-fed, to see whether you are going to eat or not." I replied firmly "I won't eat even if you force-feed me." Our hunger strike lasted two days. We had not been force-fed, nor had we been sent to the torture room. Much of our attachment to fear was also eliminated. We started to eat after several practitioners from other places were brought into our cell.
On the third day, the elderly practitioners were sent to the second floor, another practitioner and I were still kept in the strictly controlled cell. I came to realize that because my xinxing had not improved, I had stayed in tribulation for a long period of time. Probably I hadn't met the standard for keeping practice. I remembered twice when the head of the Lockup and the guard came, I didn't keep doing the exercise. Now I memorized the Teacher's words in "Big Exposure" that "upgrading to each higher level should be based on the strict observance of the criteria." One day when I was doing the fifth exercise -- Way of Strengthening Supernatural Powers, the guard came in. I realized that one more test came, my heart didn't move, and I was at ease. Without a word, she came and stepped on my hands. While she stepped on my left hand, I lifted my right hand; while she stepped on my right hand, I lifted my left hand. She kept doing it, for a while, and then got really angry. She didn't say a word, ran to the hallway and yelled, "Bring a rope and tie her up!" I calmly tidied my clothes, waiting for the punishment. To my surprise, she came back later and told me to "wrap your stuff and go upstairs." I knew I had passed the test.
I stayed with the same practitioner in a cell on the second floor. We could do the exercise and study the Fa without any interference. Another test came on the afternoon of the second day. Since the environment was rectified pretty well, we wanted to transcribe the Falun Dafa books, and had bought paper and pen. Then, the guard came suddenly and ordered us to turn in the paper and pen. In a hurry, I put the Falun Dafa material underneath my clothes and held my arms tightly around them in the chest. At the moment, seven or eight male and female guards came to our cell. I tried my best to hold the material and wanted to protect them with my life. I did not want them to take the books away. They slapped my face very hard and several people held me down on the floor. Since they had so many people, finally my clothes were lifted and the material was seized.
I cried. I didn't cry over the suffering that I had endured for months during the cultivation in jail. I cried sadly because I wasn't able to protect the Falun Dafa material. Moments later, several guards took me and sent me to a detention center.
On the first night at the detention center, my true spirit (yuanshen) flew towards the sky carrying a fellow practitioner. We flew very high and her name was "Fang Hua". I enlightened that "Fang Hua" meant "caution, slippery, don't slide down" (homonym of Fang Hua in Chinese). I understood that I should cultivate more diligently and could not stop. I had a discussion with other practitioners on the incident that the Falun Dafa material was taken away. We tried to understand and improve ourselves from Falun Dafa's point of view. The other practitioners and I decided to stop eating and drinking from the second day. We persisted for seven to nine days in this hunger strike. During two force-feedings, I purified my mind and attitude and got rid of many attachments, and truly experienced the life and death test. But looking into myself, I found that I still did not meet the requirement of Falun Dafa.
Sister, during my four months of cultivation in jail, I found there were too many things that I needed to work on. I've also experienced many tests and tribulations. This time, I've only talked about the experience in the No. 1 Lockup.
Jail is not a place to be afraid of as long as we have the courage and determination to put down life and death. We could go through the tribulations only with a strong mind. How high I could reach through is no longer important to me. The key issue is that we are related to the Fa rectification. In this grand and solemn moment of the Fa rectification by Teacher, as one of the sentient beings in the universe, I would follow the path arranged by Teacher, be in harmony with and safeguard Dafa, and leave no eternal and deep regret for myself.
I'm still working on the answer sheet. I'll hand it in to Teacher and to my future eternal life. Perhaps, I could add a story to the mythology of the future human world.
Your younger sister in jail (signature) June 1, 2000
P.S. The letter has traveled more than a thousand miles from Heilongjiang Province, and passed through many hands before it eventually reached us. It recorded only fragments of the common daily life in jail. However, four months of tribulations in jail did not shake her firm belief in Dafa, she could often times remember Teacher's words. While safeguarding Falun Dafa, she kept looking inwards all the time. We are all filled with deep respect to this fellow practitioner in jail, and have a deeper feeling of Falun Dafa's power. (Practitioners in China, June 27th, 2000)
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