Atlanta, Georgia, USA
Greetings fellow practitioners,
My name is Robert Calloway from Atlanta, Georgia, and I have been practicing for about 2 years and four months. Like most of you, I have gained so much from this practice, and my life has changed tremendously. I am no longer a person lost in the wilderness that we call life. Before Dafa, my life was loosely anchored in what I thought to be the truth. As a child, I did not have any occupational dreams. I just wanted to be wise, to know the truth behind the contradictions that I witnessed around me. Of course, being a child, I could not articulate this clearly, but I felt this deep in my heart. I would long and search for that one person who would come to me and say, " I see what you long for, so I will teach the secrets of this world and universe to you". Of course that did not happen to me, until I found Dafa.
A little after my first year of cultivation, I could feel that I was very different. I was becoming much more patient and calm in my mind and heart. A number of times, I could feel a pure calmness in my eyes. This calmness was with me wherever I went. My thoughts were not as random as they had been before. Basically, my heart and mind was becoming more pure and expansive. Of course, that was not the end of my cultivation, so there were many tests and tribulations to follow. Some I passed, others I failed. I guess, after awhile, I became complacent. It was time for me to take that next step. But instead, I did just enough to hold on to what I had gained.
Around April of 1999, the situation in China was beginning to escalate. With this happening, practitioners' focus began to turn to what was going on in China. I was trying to understand what was going on. I was thinking, "Wait a minute, I thought we were suppose to be focusing on reading and practicing the exercises, and raise ourselves spiritually, I do not want be a part of anything political." This was really confusing for me when things became really bad by July 22, which was my birthday. However, I decided by this time that I would support whatever decisions other practitioners made, but I still did not fully understand what was going on from the stand point of Dafa. Most of the Chinese practitioners went to Washington D.C., to talk with various politicians and diplomats. Some of them were gone for a long time. While they were gone, I felt a little lost in how to think about all of this. When the practitioners returned, I could see a difference in many of them. That is, they seemed stronger than before. Through these practitioners, I had learned that what they had done in Washington helped to eliminate various attachments. I was moved by the stories I had heard from them. Stories of dedication, diligence, and courage. Also, I began to understand that what was going on in China was not an ordinary ordeal, as it seemed on the surface. I regret that I did not let go of my human mind and heart. I lost the opportunity to upgrade myself. The Master says, "No loss, no gain". The human mind is full of contrived notions that we identify with completely. We are ready to defend them with our lives.
Around my second year of practice, I was feeling very much like an ordinary person again. I could not figure it out, "What is going on?" Finally, it came to me that I was focusing too much on myself. Each level has a criteria that we must meet. I still was not willing or did not understand what it meant to give up the human mind and heart further. While others were working hard to protect and promote Dafa, I was sitting in comfort, still not willing to make that extra effort to upgrade myself. I knew in my heart that I was not doing enough to take that extra step for Dafa, and for my cultivation. Complacency became my enemy. No one can take responsibility for our spiritual growth. No amount of wishing and waiting for those things we feel we deserve will come to us without diligently working hard.
Master says, "Action reveals what is true" those words have much meaning for me. Now I know that I must work hard to help to assist Master in spreading Dafa to others. So much had been given to me, but I was not willing to further extend myself to fully helping others. I have tried in the past to help with promoting Dafa, but my heart was not fully into it, because I still used my old human heart and mind to shield me from stepping forward to do what I knew was the right thing to do. I felt guilty when I saw others working hard for the Fa, but like many things, my guilt was associated with old notions and attachments that I was still not willing to release. The human mind goes by what it likes or dislikes doing, because it is lost in this world. When one begins to truly act as a cultivator, every selfish act is painfully noticeable and every unselfish act benefits others.
I am more determined to be a true cultivator, one who is willing to step forward, leaving behind with each step, that old and impure human mind and heart. I no longer want to make decisions based on what that old human mind wants to do or not do, which brings great suffering, and causes one to linger in a particular stage too long.
Since June of this year, I devote a lot of my time helping to expose Dafa to others at a near by park. Once I decided to do more for spreading Dafa, I went to a nearby park, that I had scouted to see if it would hold suitable for a practice site. Also, I went to one of the local libraries to see if we could give a presentation there. And of course they were quite receptive to the idea. In the evenings, at the new park location, only after one week, sometimes there are so many people coming by to learn or meet with us, that I feel a little overwhelmed. However, helping others has helped expand my focus and heart, but it can't be about me, because it is about them. I try to make sure that the environment is conducive, calm, and compassionate. Regardless of what I am feeling prior to going to the park, I adjust myself for the purpose of giving. This has helped me tremendously, as I help to spread Dafa, to those who may have a predestined relationship with Dafa, and for those who have been desperately seeking for something that fulfills their lives. I no longer feel stagnant in my cultivation. Also, with further reading of the books by Master Li and looking inwardly for my attachments, I have made that step forward in my cultivation. My mind and heart again feels much more expansive and light. I wish that I could explain how I feel now that I have gone beyond the limits of self. Once again, my mind and heart feels lighter and calm. My meditations are stronger, with a mind that is clearer and with fewer random thoughts. Different types of people have been coming to the park. I can look into their eyes and see that they are desperate for truth. They are desperate for something that will fulfill the vacancy in their hearts and minds. Some of them mention that they feel calm in this environment, and are surprised that we do not charge them for such a great practice, but we are willing to give it to them from our hearts. The power of Dafa is great. This particular park is incredibly diverse, including vagrants, children, loud people drinking alcohol, cars loudly blaring rap music as they stop at the nearby traffic lights. But it seems as though the whole environment changes after about fifteen minutes, once we begin to practice the exercises. It is as if our presence has a profound and quieting effect on those who have come to learn, as well as those who are within the park and the surrounding area.
Also on the weekends, from two until four p.m. on Saturdays, while the other practitioners are doing the five sets of exercises at Stone Mountain Park, which is a sort of amusement park, I hand out materials and answer questions for people who pass by who have questions about the activities. By doing this, various people give me the opportunity to look at my own attachments and Xinxing. Two weeks ago, I helped to host an all day gathering of Western practitioners. I turned out to be very beneficial for all those who attended. We read through and discussed "Essentials for Further Advancements." I understand more so now than ever, that there are many lost people in this world, and it makes me feel good to know that I am helping to spread Dafa, because I know it will help many of them find their way. There is no greater thing that we can give another person than the opportunity for self-salvation. Complacency, as I understand it, means that one has put what he has gained through cultivation ahead of Dafa. Dafa should always be in the forefront. I have learned that I must constantly upgrade myself to higher levels, adhering to the criteria at each level, so as to move forward. I am Master's little disciple. "Action reveals what is true".
Thank you.
Robert E. Calloway
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
