(Clearwisdom.net)
As I recall my experience of appealing in Beijing, my illegal detention, my labor camp "re-education," and my being "reformed," after solemnly judging these experiences against Teacher's articles, I can see how the mentality of leaving things to chance had been affecting me throughout the entire ordeal.
I knew that those who detained me and beat me were wrong. I should have wholeheartedly stepped forward with dignity to rectify all that was abnormal, but instead I only did it halfheartedly. Certainly the attachment of fear was a factor, but deeply rooted in my conscience was an even worse thought: that I could only do so much (i.e. I was unwilling to wholeheartedly step forward when the time was right), and was waiting for Teacher to resolve the rest.
I knew that Dafa was good and to break with Dafa was wrong. I also thought about how one's body and soul would become extinct if one went against Dafa. However, how could I contemplate such things with a human mind? How could cultivation practice be done without a serious attitude? Isn't that a manifestation of the most irresponsible behavior towards Teacher, Dafa, ourselves, and all sentient beings? However, there was a deeply hidden mentality of leaving things to chance. I thought, Could it really be that serious? (to sign statements to stop practicing). Even though I did not conduct myself well, I never betrayed Dafa in my belief (another distorted thought, too). Teacher would recognize this and would continue to take care of me, wouldn't he? Even if I was wrong, there were many others who signed the statements, too! Some were even more muddled than I was, and they were even worse than me. What dirty thoughts these were! Such an unbelievably unscrupulous mentality!
The attachment of leaving things to chance would seek every possible way to excuse itself, cover itself up, and put more covers on top of its old cover up.
Sometimes we would encounter an attachment that simply had to be eradicated. If our own righteous thoughts were not powerful enough, then the attachment of leaving things to chance would find every possible excuse to let us bypass the attachment, put it in the back of our minds, and forget about it.
For example, when I was planning to go to Beijing and was having some struggles in my mind, the attachment of leaving things to chance would tell me, "Doing work for Dafa in other areas without going to Beijing is equally effective. Just do more of what you have been doing; it's all the same." It would even misinterpret Teacher's words and use evil enlightenment to sway my righteous thoughts and my motivation to cultivate diligently.
When I was homeless for a while and felt it was time to return home with dignity, again the attachment of leaving things to chance would tell me, "Why go back? What if something happens to you? It is quite convenient to work when living outside, etc."
The attachment of leaving things to chance often conspired with the pursuit of comfort, thus prompting me to take the easy way out. When I was determined to catch the attachment of leaving things to chance and exterminate it, it would find excuses to escape. Just when I was going to write this article so I could face my own conduct, it said to me, "Why write it? Just make sure you are aware of your faults and do better next time. It was quite a shameful experience of yours." But this time I did not give in. I needed to write about my experience, expose this attachment, and eradicate it.
The meaning of "leaving things to chance" is "Wishing to obtain what one does not deserve." Such a mentality is bad even for a human, let alone a divine being. Cultivation practice is not child's play, and must be taken seriously and followed through thoroughly. However much we give, that is how much we will receive. The attachment of leaving things to chance can only deceive humans, but never Buddhas, Taos, and Gods.
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