I'm Keiko Liu from New Jersey. I'm 53 and have practiced Falun Dafa for about 5 months.
In spite of the goodness of my parents and six siblings, throughout my childhood, there always was a feeling of loneliness and isolation in my mind.
In my young adulthood, I was very honest and someone once warned me not to be too honest; that made me feel stupid. Since then I have struggled to improve myself not to be too honest and stupid. I gradually became "smarter" as I aged, but against my conscience, and the sense of isolation from my childhood was still there.
I came to the United States from Japan 30 years ago to marry my fiancé. I have been quite happy after marrying, at least in my private life. On the surface probably I looked normal, but I could not help feeling foreign among my Japanese coworkers and friends and had a tendency to retreat into myself and my family. After many years of striving, I started to learn how to be on my own and to follow my own conscience and judgment. I kept saying to myself "It's ok to be different." When I was about to reach 50, like most other women of similar age, I started to have a hormone imbalance that brought chaos to my health. Many of the problems could be controlled by taking herbs, but most herbs were not supposed to be taken for a prolonged period. As soon as I stopped taking them the problems came back.
About the same time, I became interested in meditation and was looking for an opportunity without success. One day someone introduced me to Falun Dafa. With a suspicion in my mind because of what I heard about it through news media, I went to their practice site. After the sitting meditation we read "Zhuan Falun." Immediately it fascinated me. After all those years I found a book that told me my conscience was right. I went back to the place again the next week. The book was telling us about tribulations this time. I thought, "This is it. Sure, there is a purpose for our sufferings." I was delighted. The truth was this book has struck me deep in my heart without any apparent reason. And whatever the reason was, I know I have found something which I had almost given up searching for. A month later I finished a nine-day seminar. When about two months had passed, I suddenly realized that I haven't taken any herbs for a long time and I was feeling fine.
I had also been through a struggle with eating. Whenever I tried to eat something, I felt like throwing up. My self-righteous eating habits did not work anymore; I was losing weight. One day while I was preparing posters for the New Jersey Falun Dafa month with other practitioners, I was served instant noodles. I had been avoiding anything instant or prepared for many years since they were not supposed to be healthy. But the noodles tasted excellent, and my appetite came back. Next day I went to the grocery store and bought some instant noodles. Mysteriously, I could not eat my healthy cooking but I could eat instant noodles. My good eating habits were turned upside down and I also started to eat junk foods unwillingly. By the time my appetite came back to normal, my eating habits had completely changed. Then I came to understand that one of my attachments had been removed.
Also to my surprise I found out that my sense of isolation was actually good for me. While I still love them, I have not grown much attachment for my family or friends; there was less attachment to remove.
When I became serious about cultivation, my desire for making it known to other people grew. I started to participate in activities whenever possible with a fear deep in my mind, the fear that I would be forced to face my greatest weakness and change it; that is, my unusual shyness and nervousness. I have lived all my life avoiding the spotlight. The thought of talking to strangers made me nervous. Master Li said "A fear is also an attachment." It was unavoidable to go through this ordeal to remove my attachment.
As the persecution in China kept getting worse, I joined other practitioners at the mall to collect signatures for a petition and to raise awareness of the persecution in China. At first I did not know how to talk to the people and I was at a loss. As a result I was not very successful in getting the signatures. With remorse I took a moment at home trying to think what was wrong with me.
Soon another trial was given to me. I was to go to the community center on Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. There was a large assembly going on, and with another practitioner I was supposed to collect signatures for the same petition. Since my partner had no experience, I was nervous again. But when the assembly was over and people came out one by one, without thinking much, the words came out of my mouth naturally. I felt my attachment become smaller.
In the past months, I have been forced to face my weaknesses and defects one by one which Master Li always helped me cope with. The tests never seem to cease coming.
Once I was supposed to do a job for someone and forgot about it. When that person called me to see if the job was done, I said, "Sure, It's ready" and as soon as I hung up on her I started to do the job. The job was done but I had a very uncomfortable feeling in my mind. I talked to myself " Was this a lie? Yeah, I think it was. But it did not harm anyone, why is it bothering me? That's because it is against the law of universe." Soon after, on a different matter I lied again and this time I immediately regretted it and thought over why I did it. It became apparent that I lied to make myself look more capable and perfect than I actually was. It was an attachment of pride. I felt ashamed. When a third trial came I swallowed my lie and apologized.
Now Falun Dafa has become my life. Where has the loneliness in my heart gone? I cannot find it anywhere. Probably Master Li took it away. Thank you Master Li, and thank you to all the practitioners who helped me attain the Fa.
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