Greetings Master, greetings fellow practitioners. My name is Noah, and I have been practicing Falun Dafa for about a year and a half. In a couple question-and-answer sessions in other cities, practitioners have asked about why they can't stop crying when they think of Master or in other situations. I always thought that was a bit silly, and only applied to Chinese old ladies. That is, until it happened to me. One day, during some hongfa activities following a conference, some practitioners and I were walking on the sidewalk when a car pulled up. Master Li leaned out of the backseat window and smiled. It seemed like he stood out from the rest of the scene, as if the whole world were black-and-white, and he was the only figure in bright, full color. His face shone with radiant compassion, and his smile seemed to take in all of us, and leave us cleansed and protected. There wasn't time to exchange many words. As the car drove off, there were tears in my eyes. Since that time, whenever I am faced with a sign of Master's great compassion, tears come to my eyes again. It's exactly as he answered those practitioners' questions: It's not something one can explain easily, it's beyond gratitude and other emotions.
Another time when Master's great benevolence was demonstrated to me involved the posters of Master Li wearing the traditional robes. Someone had brought several of these posters back from a conference, and was giving them away to practitioners who wanted them. They asked me on several occasions if I wanted one, and I kept replying, Let others have them first. But in the back of my mind, the real reason I refused was that I felt I wasn't worthy of it. I felt my cultivation was too slow, and that I wasn't up to the standard how could I have a large photo of Master in my house, when I was often even ashamed to claim the title of practitioner? Eventually, all the posters were given away to others. However, I wasn't to escape so easily. Somehow, two days later, another practitioner brought a poster of Master; this one was framed with metal and glass. She had wrapped it carefully and carried it a long distance to give to me. I was really stunned I tried in vain to refuse it, but she insisted. The practitioner said she had other posters, but this one was special, and she insisted that I take it. As I walked away, carrying the poster carefully in both hands, again tears came to my eyes from this arrangement. How many times had I come close to giving up on myself in cultivation, while Master stood firm? He arranged for me to see his photo every day, even after I did my best to refuse it.
I feel now that we must reflect this benevolence to everyone we encounter. It's our duty and our privilege to be a conduit for the principles of Zhen-Shan-Ren. If Master is willing to give someone like me a second chance (or many), how could I abandon anyone else? This has helped me be more forgiving with people in daily life, even those who are intentionally rude or mean. I only have to remember how I was before cultivation, or even last month, or last week. The standard is raised higher every day.
Rational Understanding of Cultivation
Lately I've understood a bit more about what it means to have a rational understanding of the Fa. I've noticed a trend, that in dropping attachments, there are two different phenomena. One is to use mental discipline and force, and to alter my thinking and behavior forcefully until I can let something go. The other, however, seems to be a rational understanding of what attachments are in the face of cultivation, and involves a clear-headed comprehension of why any pursuit is not part of our true self. It's very hard for me to maintain this state of mind perhaps it appears only when the enlightened side is dominant. However, during those times, attachments can be washed away like sand. The power of the Fa seems to dissolve anything negative in its path. During the rest of the time, at least it helps to remember that we all have an enlightened side, and it's a relief to remember that, no matter how awful our acquired notions are, they're not truly part of us, and therefore they can be suppressed.
Master tells us that, as practitioners, we should look within ourselves upon encountering a conflict. I noticed a gap in myself recently when I stopped looking within sincerely, and just took this as an empty routine. Yes, of course, I should look within myself, but do I really mean it? How many times have I looked within, not found anything immediately relevant, and just let it go? If we really take Master's words seriously, that any conflict is a reflection of our own shortcomings, shouldn't it concern us when we don't discover the cause? Shouldn't I instead continue looking, and look deeper? Shouldn't I truly search for the fundamental attachments, and reach an understanding where I might handle the situation differently if it were to occur again? This is how I understand looking within sincerely.
Fa Rectification
Two experiences during the Fa rectification process stand out in over the last year. One was while doing hongfa to government representatives in the US. One day I was chatting with a practitioner who had talked to many government officials before. He said something to me that really struck me. He said that his one regret, after speaking with many of them, was that he hadn't spoken from the heart. All the facts and figures and materials he had prepared could not move people's hearts, he said, and he urged me to do my best to connect sincerely with everyone I met. This surprised me, since all the advice I had gotten before was about how to say certain things, which issues to bring up, etc. I teamed up with another practitioner. As we walked on the street, a realization struck me. It became clear that each person we met was an opportunity created by Master's benevolence. Each meeting we had was a chance, for both that person to hear of the Fa and position themselves, as well as for my partner and me to step forward to validate Dafa. These precious chances are given by Master, and they benefit everyone involved. These situations are arranged, so that in this world people have a chance to elevate in the Fa. There was nothing necessary about these meetings, no real work for either person I just saw them as gifts to both of us from Master. For the rest of the day, between every appointment, tears rolled down my cheeks as I understood how priceless the chance was. We must live up to each of these opportunities, and strive forward in every chance we're given.
The other experience related to Fa rectification that changed my attitude a great deal was related to the events in Geneva earlier this month. Many practitioners from all over the world gathered there to clarify the truth about the persecution of practitioners in China before the United Nations vote. The day following the large group practice in front of the UN, the PRC set up their own ugly display of anti-Falun Gong propaganda, occupying the very same space where we had practiced. Another practitioner and I decided to visit this display of evil in order to see what they were saying. As we walked from our hotel toward the park, I had two points of view in my mind. On one side, I was keeping myself calm and trying to prepare to act from within the Fa, and reminding myself why I was there. On the other side I was secretly hoping for a confrontation, and looking forward to provoking the evil people to do something that would embarrass them. As the display of propaganda and the PRC representatives came into view, it dawned on me what Master has said: we don't take people as enemies. They were just empty shells, acting out of ignorance, and our role was clear. As we walked around the display, several female Chinese college students came up to us and started explaining how Falun Dafa is bad, etc. It was so sad to see such innocent people misled by the propaganda, and they really believed it. I stood back while the other practitioner argued with them for about 15 minutes I think they were shocked to see two western practitioners. The whole time I was trying to think of what I could say to change their minds, but I couldn't think of anything I could say that wouldn't be tainted by my own notions and intention. There didn't seem to be anything I could say without attachments, and I knew I couldn't move them with such an attitude. Even that ridiculous man from the video, the one who is bending the spoon, came up to us, making rude comments, and tried to purchase our Falun Dafa pins from us but my heart was not still, and I found myself unable to speak from the position of wuwei.
Later, as we walked back toward the hotel, I reflected on the situation there. I wondered, What would Master do? What would a Buddha do? It occurred to me that he might just tell them the plain truth, on a level they could understand it, using their own terms. Then it would be up to them if they could enlighten to it or not this is compassion. As I had this thought, I stopped in my tracks: Wasn't that just what Master has been doing for us? Isn't the Fa that he has taught, and the contents of Zhuan Falun, just exactly him telling us the plain truth, in language we can understand? Suddenly the great compassion Master has shown to humanity by teaching this Fa was right before me. My eyes filled with tears as I pondered it, and all the tireless work and suffering he has endured, just to carry out this mission. Immediately I felt regret for not having done my part to offer salvation with benevolence in the face of evil. I should not let my intentions and attachments prevent me from clarifying the truth. I should not be so attached to doing it perfectly that it keeps me from taking every opportunity to validate Dafa. After returning to the hotel, I felt dirty and contaminated by being around those evil displays. I sat down to study the Fa, and when I opened Zhuan Falun, the words jumped out at me Master's compassion was so evident in every sentence of the book, I read and wiped away the tears for quite some time.
Dropping Attachments with Help from Master
Almost everyone who knows me knows about this one big attachment I have to my camera. I've used every excuse you can think of to justify it, even saying that I needed it for Dafa work, etc. Most of the excuses I didn't even believe myself. There was something about the ability to capture an image, to magnify it and see things in great detail that was so compelling. The speed at which an image can be captured was fascinating to me. The way a camera works is that there is a mirror inside that lets the photographer see through the lens. Meanwhile, at the moment the photo is taken, the mirror flips up to let the image cast onto the film, then it flips back down again, all in a tiny fraction of a second. Does this sound familiar to anyone? One day, another practitioner pointed out that my obsession with cameras was really a disguised pursuit of tianmu. He even held my camera up to his forehead, between his eyebrows, and smiled to make fun of me. This really shocked me, and on some level I knew he was right I had been trying half-heartedly to lose this attachment for some time. But I went on with this pursuit, and one day went out taking pictures after practice instead of going straight home to study. I found myself very happy about it, improving my ability with the camera, and learning all the settings. But then, as I was lifting the camera to take another photo, the words from Zhuan Falun sounded very loudly and distinctly in my ears: When a person wants [tianmu] desperately, not only will it not open, but instead something neither black nor white will emit from his tianmu. (Lecture Two, Issue of Tianmu). Suddenly it became clear there was no way I was going to let this pursuit, or any attachment for that matter, disrupt the path of cultivation that Master has arranged for me. I even stated this out loud, and put the camera away.
At that moment, upon expressing my heart-felt wish to overcome the obstacles in cultivation and reach completion, several obstacles that had plagued me for a long time were lifted away from me: the attachment to the camera, for one, and the demon of laziness, and the demon of lust. I say they were lifted away from me because I had tried for so long to drop them on my own. Somehow, after struggling for so long, and expressing my wish to elevate, it was done but it wasn't done by me. Master says, If one is determined, the karma can be eliminated. (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6, Your Main Consciousness Must Predominate) A sudden feeling of lightness, of starting anew, and an open feeling in my heart were deeper than emotions and words can express. As with any attachments, there are many layers, and passing one level means we get to work on the next one, but this experience was a breakthrough for me. Master says that every aspect of one's xinxing must be improved in order to upgrade one's level. Even one attachment can hold us back.
Fa Study
A couple months ago, I found myself very busy with work for Dafa, and I stopped dedicating enough time to Fa study. My standards became lower and lower, and it was affecting everything I was, as Master says, just an ordinary person doing work for Dafa. At one of the weekly group study sessions, we read the section where Master reminds us to study Fa, especially for an assistant. I thought to myself, Yea, that's right... but, I'm really busy... Then, the next day, at another group study session, somehow they ended up reading the same section again. Then, a few days later, with a different group, once more again the same section! The third time I finally got the hint there is really no excuse for not studying the Fa, and nothing could be taken as higher priority.
One day I was thinking about what the title Zhuan Falun means. It means, Revolving the Law Wheel. Master says the Falun turns to offer salvation to others and to oneself. Isn't turning the law wheel the action of salvation? Isn't reading Zhuan Falun cultivation itself? Master says, in Melt into the Fa, (Essentials For Further Advancement), ...as long as you read Dafa, you are changing; as long as you read Dafa, you are elevating. I think that doing work for Dafa should be the same the standard requires that we do work for Dafa with a righteous mind, and this should fill our mind with Fa as well, not leaving room for anything else.
Many times, after struggling through a tribulation, or finally enlightening to something, we can look back and realize that it was already spelled out in Zhuan Falun. We have to assimilate what we read, or else we won't recognize the principles when we encounter them. After enlightening to something, and thinking back to how many times I read it already in Zhuan Falun but didn't understand it, I'm grateful to the countless Buddhas, Taos, and Gods that are behind the words, being so patient with me until I can reach the standard. As with the words in Zhuan Falun, the understandings of other practitioners are not always understandable when we hear them. Many times I've struggled through a tribulation or enlightened to something, only to realize that another practitioner had expressed a similar understanding long before. Now I pay closer attention to every practitioner's understanding, since there is probably something there for me to enlighten to.
I will finish with one short experience a special moment during practice. One day, during the sitting meditation, it was very difficult to keep my mind quiet, as usual. Finally I became more calm, and the running thoughts became slower and quiet. Sitting there, peacefully, suddenly a single Chinese character appeared in front of me. It was quite distinct, and I heard its sound at the same time. That character was xin, the word for heart. It left me feeling surrounded by gratitude, knowing that Master was looking after my cultivation, and pointing the way home. Thank you, Master. Thank you, everyone. Heshi.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
