When I decided to join the 1,000-mile ride to stop the persecution of Falun Gong practitioners in China, I knew I would face many xinxing tests and have many opportunities to grow. So far, I have not been disappointed.
I started this ride with my mind full of thoughts of helping to stop the persecution, upgrading my xinxing, and spreading Dafa, but in my heart I held many human attachments. I saw myself as a strong and experienced bicyclist -- I viewed the trip as an adventure. I thought that my camping, riding, and repair abilities would make me an asset to the bicycle team. Because I was looking at the trip from a low level, I made low-level plans. Instead of trusting Master Li to provide whatever was needed, I tried to pack and carry everything I might possibly need. I thought I knew better than the other riders who had never done bicycle touring. I was not thinking as a particle of Dafa or even as a cultivator -- I was thinking for myself, from my lowest human self.
Because my heart wasn't pure, I had many tribulations. Within the first two miles, my front brakes broke and I had a flat tire. Later on, some spokes in my back wheel broke, and I got another flat tire.
After two days of mechanical failures, I began to realize that my human abilities were worthless, and my human thinking was hurting me. I increased my efforts to focus on the higher aspects of the trip -- stopping the Persecution, spreading Dafa, and purifying my heart. I started to change, but slowly. I was looking at each tribulation separately, but was not seeing the root cause of all of them.
On the third day, we rode under thunderclouds and lighting for hours, but the rain held off until seconds after we entered our motel rooms. The next day, listening to the Nine-day Lectures while riding, I noticed that the tape would slow down every time I had an unrighteous thought, and would resume normal playing when I corrected my error. Even after all this, I kept thinking that I could control my fate -- so I continued to have mechanical problems while the others pedaled along smoothly.
I knew my problems came from poor xinxing, but I kept viewing each problem as a separate issue. My notions prevented me from seeing the larger issue.
Finally, one of the other riders shared with me some of his thoughts.
He started by saying that during Fa-Rectification, every practitioner was a particle and a representative of Dafa, thus our appearance matters. He pointed out that my bicycle was heaped with stained and ragged bags hanging every which way. He went on to mention that he knew some practitioners who viewed cultivation as a hobby, instead of enlightening to the fact that this whole life is meant for cultivation and repositioning ourselves for the future.
I realized that this was the root of many of my problems. I did not see myself as being in and of the Fa; I looked at cultivation as something I did, just as riding bicycles was something I did. I put in the time reading and doing the exercises, but I still saw Dafa as part of my life, instead of my life as part of Dafa.
With this practitioner's encouragement, I sorted through all my gear and discarded everything possible. I realized that most of what I carried, I carried because I was not fully committed to Dafa and did not trust Master Li to provide what was needed.
I realized my lack of commitment and I wanted to change myself, to commit more deeply. With this thought, I was able to leave behind a huge load of baggage, both mental and physical.
The next morning I repaired my bike completely, and it has run flawlessly since.
I still have a long way to go in committing myself fully to Dafa. Just because I saw this weakness doesn't mean that it is gone. I still have to work constantly to upgrade. However, now I am at least able to harmonize better with the bike team, and I have better energy to contribute to both the bike team and to Dafa.
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Category: Standing Up for Falun Dafa
