(Clearwisdom.net) Having been through that dark day, July 20, 1999, I soon realized from the lies of the propaganda that the persecutors were wrong! I will not succumb to anyone, any power; no one can alter my determined attitude toward Dafa.
Because of the blockade, it was very hard for the practitioners to see each other. Outside news couldn't be delivered here. Other than quietly studying the Fa and doing exercises, what more could we do? I felt lost. I dragged on like this until October, when the news of practitioners from other parts of the country going to Beijing to appeal and being arrested successively reached us. We discussed this matter many times; sometimes we thought it was right, that it was safeguarding the Fa, and sometimes we thought it was inappropriate.
I really can't forget the period from the end of 1999 to early 2000. As time passed by, my mental suffering became heavier and heavier. I really could neither eat much nor sleep well. Whatever I did, I didn't have the spirit to do it, and was dazed and muddleheaded all the time. What should I do, after all? I repeatedly read all Dafa books from cover to cover and pondered over and over again, and slowly I grasped the main threads: no matter what, when Dafa is being persecuted and Teacher is being slandered, it is not right for us to stay silent, and to just sit here and wait for Teacher to speak out! Falun Gong suffered persecution for no reason; we, as practitioners, have the responsibility to clarify the truth. This is not getting involved in politics, this is taking responsibility for Dafa! This is taking responsibility for mankind, for the love of our country, for the people. Let's go--we will also go to Beijing to appeal! We will use our firsthand experience to remind the government to correct its wrong behavior as soon as possible.
Did I have fear at that time? To be frank, yes I did. I thought in my heart, maybe I wouldn't come back if I go, and even if I could come back, things would be tremendously changed. However, the side of me that wholeheartedly wanted to safeguard the Fa and rectify the Fa suppressed the "fear" just in time. My heart was magnanimous and calm, I just wanted to validate Dafa to the people, to tell people that Falun Dafa is the best, and I hope the government and every single individual can cherish this opportunity that only comes once in hundreds of thousands of years. I remember that I wrote some letters and a pile of notes which stated, "kind-hearted people, please cherish Falun Dafa; treasuring Dafa is treasuring your own life, treasuring our people, and treasuring our own nation!"
Shortly after the Chinese New Year of 2000, we set off. After many difficulties and bus/train transfers, we finally arrived in Beijing.
What method should we use to safeguard the Fa? We had planned to submit appeal letters to the government appeal bureau, but after arriving in Beijing we heard that they stopped receiving Falun Gong practitioners' appeals a long time ago. What should we do then? If we mail the letter through the post office and go back home, that would be certainly easy and safe for us. But no, we came to validate Dafa, how can we go back? Then there was only the most dangerous way-- going to Tiananmen Square to validate Dafa! We all knew that going to Tiananmen Square to validate Dafa would surely be more effective, but we also clearly knew the grave danger and the unimaginable consequences. Fortunately, we didn't let the demons of "selfishness" and "fear" take the upper hand; instead, we suppressed them with "selflessness and altruism" endowed by Teacher. We decided that we would go straight ahead and never cower.
In the night we made the decision, a fellow practitioner brought a red banner that read, "Falun Dafa is good," and asked us whether we wanted it. We were dazed. "Banner?" In the eyes of the persecutors, unfurling a banner means doubly guilty. Speaking of difficulty, this was very difficult! The pressure was indeed very great, so we thought for a little bit... The clear-headed side of me plainly said, "Don't be afraid. There is Teacher and there is the Fa." As long as it's something we disciples should do, no matter how dangerous it is, even if we lose our lives, we'll still express our heartfelt wishes in order to let Teacher feel relieved and safeguard Dafa. Again we made the decision and decided--to unfurl the banner to validate Dafa in Tiananmen Square.
When we left home, we made sure our appearance was clean and respectable, and we even wore jewelry that had been put away for a long time. By then, we got rid of clothes we didn't need and left only with essentials. We each wore what we thought were the most good-looking and well dressed garments.
The solemn moment was approaching. Early that morning, we got on a bus and headed for the city. We repeatedly told each other that we must not think of anything, be clean and pure, and only think of doing well in one thing, "Fa rectification." On the way, we didn't seem to notice any scenery or people and only thought of Tiananmen.
There it is, there it is. At that moment, my heart thumped in my chest. We chose a relatively light and spacious place located on the southeast side of the Square. This is it; this is really the solemn moment. The three of us stood in place and one of us was already pulling out the banner from inside her coat. I said in a small voice, "Don't be afraid, we're doing the most sacred thing in the universe, Teacher is watching us." At that time, we didn't have the slightest fear; every single one of us was very serene and solemn. Suddenly, the banner was out. However, before we could straighten it out, as if from underground, two plainclothes police snatched the banner from behind us. Actually, they were right by us. We walked as we asked for the banner from them and promoted the Fa.
When we arrived at our destination, after threatening and scolding us for a while, they confiscated our wallets and took our money. Later, they handcuffed us. At that time we didn't have the concept of "hunger strike," but when they told us to eat, no one did. We didn't treat ourselves as the passive ones either in our minds or in our words and behavior, because we knew we were doing the most sacred thing. We were the disciples of our Teacher. We absolutely didn't say anything we shouldn't and we promoted the Fa whenever we had the opportunity. Even when we sat, we intentionally lifted our heads instead of lowering them down. We had cheerful spirits and were compassionate and kind. That is because we are Falun Dafa practitioners who are upright and dignified, no matter where we went, we wouldn't bring shame on Teacher.
As for the group attack, the deliberate harassment, and the cursing and beatings I experienced after my return, I won't mention them now.
Now, reflecting back on my "Fa rectification in Tiananmen" journey over a year ago, I don't regret it. My heart is happy and I think I did what a Dafa practitioner was supposed to do.
From that moment on, my point of view has fundamentally changed. Although the moment I stepped forward was short, the journey my heart had been through was very long. At that moment, my mind was almost empty and there were no other thoughts in my heart. Fame, interest, sentiment, fear, the consideration of consequences, selfishness and impure thoughts, life and death--they all disappeared. Their previous positions in my consciousness became blank. At that time, my main consciousness was especially sober with only one determined thought, "Teacher, disciple is here!" I think if my heart wasn't pure and couldn't let go of my personal attachments, then I couldn't have stood up firmly and calmly. Also, being able to stand up firmly and calmly will certainly further purify one's heart and that's certainly beneficial to Dafa. Strive forward, fellow practitioners.
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