For many years I was afraid of my father. His power, sharp speech and strong character always intimidated me. When I began practicing Falun Gong he started to say bad things about the Fa. My fear was the omission that the evil took advantage of, and it stopped me from being a dignified and solid practitioner who stands up to protect the Fa. Because of my fear and insecurity, I let the evil manifest more and more in my environment. The more I ignored it the more it grew.
I kept discussing the situation with other practitioners, but dared not talk to my father. I hoped that the situation would somehow rectify itself. The more I talked about it with others the more I realized that I was not rectifying the problem. I hid away from my responsibility to safeguard the Fa. I felt I was relying on others to give me answers or to fix my problem. Maybe I could get someone else with a calmer heart or a higher understanding to talk to him for me. Otherwise, maybe I would just let it be and hope it would magically disappear. I realized that the demon of fear and my old human notions of hierarchy and insecurity stopped me from doing my duty as a Fa-rectification disciple.
As time went on his comments grew worse and still I did not respond. My feelings of resentment and frustration grew and I started to avoid him at all costs.
As I continued to study the Fa and read articles on Clearwisdom, I realized I was mainly concerned with my own selfish feelings. My environment was uncomfortable and I focused on how this situation made me feel, rather than having compassion for my father and truly understanding the situation.
I realized that it was my responsibility to stop him from damaging himself and trying to damage the Fa. I understood that the most open and aboveboard approach was to talk to him face to face.
The first time I wasn't too successful. I was afraid. I sat down and proceeded to tell him points that I thought he needed to hear. I had a pursuit to make him see my point of view, to make him see how he was hurting himself. The evil made my mind cloudy and I couldn't reply with any sort of rationality to anything he said that challenged me. I left the room and realized I didn't do such a good job. But I also realized that I had tried. I did not let the fear stop me from trying and I knew that I would try again.
The second time I could feel my strength improve. I remembered that I was there to help him and my clarity grew. I calmly brought up some points about Dafa and I sat back and listened to his reply. I didn't have any pursuit or desire for a certain outcome. I just listened. Without the heart of pursuit or desire, I was amazed at how clear and rational my responses were. He was actually silent after I challenged his notions. I could feel the evil being stung and I could see his mind start to open. I felt I was finally relating to my father from within the Fa and not from human sentimentality and emotion. I also realized that this would be a long journey and I would continue to talk to him until I succeeded.
I was no longer controlled by my old notions of fear. If it would come up I would say to myself out loud, "This fear is not me. I eliminate you. I am a Dafa Disciple. You are nothing and weak." After a while I was amazed at how much power I had over my fears. I knew I was saving my father with compassion and patience and I wasn't going to let any emotion get in my way. My father now blasts the Chinese Government and faxes me articles he sees on Falun Gong when he reads the newspaper. Recently he left a card on my desk in which he said how proud he is of me that I always think of other people first.
In "Demonic Interference From Ones Own Mind" (Zhuan Falun) Master said,
"Someone asked me: Teacher, how come you do not eliminate this problem? Please think it over. How could you possibly cultivate if we clear away all the obstacles on your way towards cultivation? It is just under the circumstance of the demonic interference that you will be tested to see if you can continue your cultivation or not, if you can truly awake to Tao or not, if you can be interfered with or not, and if you can become grounded firmly in this cultivation way or not."
In the past, every time I read this passage I thought of others that I thought had demonic interference problems. I didn't know Master was also talking to me.
I realize that any problem I see or experience or hear in my environment is my problem. I have helped create it with either my silence or my attachments. In Florida Master said,
"You need to pay attention to one issue: You are Dafa Disciples, so you should always look within whenever you run into problems. It's guaranteed that many of the problems are your problems, whether you want to look at yourself or not, or whether you think of them or not. In the future, when you see the truth, you'll realize that everything had a reason."
More and more I understand how openness and being aboveboard without pursuit helps rectify problems and strengthens my cultivation environment. It also shows me how I can become a more dignified and responsible Dafa disciple.
I thank Master for every test. These situations really are truly precious and hard to come by.
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Category: Journeys of Cultivation
