(Clearwisdom.net) My attachment to vying for supremacy and trying to outdo others was developed in my childhood. This attachment of mine was clearly exposed under the progress of Fa-Rectification and can be easily seen in all aspects while I was doing Dafa work. For example, I had to pay more than other practitioners in materials costs for Dafa. Otherwise, I would feel uncomfortable. I also begrudged other practitioners distributing more truth-clarifying materials than I had. I would develop jealousy when other practitioners had done certain Dafa work and I was not part of it. This jealousy sometimes created conflicts and misunderstanding among practitioners, which seriously impeded the progress of Dafa work. Oftentimes, I was unable to calm myself down to study the Fa and practice exercises with a tranquil mentality.
When I calmed down and seriously searched inward, I found that the attitude toward my work was actually based on "selfishness" and "egotism," and this mentality is opposite of what Teacher has taught us, which was selflessness, altruism and to consider others first. While doing Dafa work, the intention to devote oneself to Dafa is a good thing as well as letting go of the attachment of selfishness at different levels. I became enlightened to, however, the realization that the attachment of selfishness has different manifestations at different levels. The mentality of selfishness also appeared in my doing Dafa work. I needed to devote and sacrifice myself to do Dafa work to attain consummation, and I wanted to do this and that. Consequently, the mentality of "outdoing others in Dafa work" and "jealousy" emerged. Aren't all of our efforts and devotion based on "egotism?" Teacher taught us in "Further Elimination of Attachments:"
"My disciples! Teacher is very worried, but this cannot help! Why can't you abandon ordinary human attachments? Why are you so reluctant to take a step forward? Our students, including our staff, are jealous of each other even in their work for Dafa. Can you become a Buddha this way? I want to have a loose administration simply because you cannot let go of ordinary human things and so will feel uneasy in your work. Dafa belongs to the entire universe, and not to any one, insignificant individual. Whoever does the work is spreading Dafa. It is not important whether it should be done by you or by others. Are you going to bring to a paradise this attachment that you cannot let go of, and contend with Buddhas? Nobody should treat Dafa as his own exclusive thing. Get rid of that thought that you've been treated unfairly!"The mentality of vying for supremacy and trying to outdo others is a very dirty attachment, and must be completely removed in Fa-Rectification.
After I recognized this problem, when the mentality of vying for supremacy and trying to outdo others emerged, I acknowledged that these thoughts were not from my true self, but that they were the degenerated notions. I then sent forth righteous thoughts to remove those evil beings and the evil forces who wanted to control and strengthen this kind of attachment. I should always conduct myself according to strict standards, study the Fa more, and put priority on searching inwardly, and diligently cultivate myself to remove different attachments that are opposite of the characteristic of the universe. Discarding egotism in doing Dafa work, and considering Dafa work from the overall perspective, and doing my best in any Dafa work as long as it can help clarifying the truth and offering salvation to people. When fellow practitioners enthusiastically want to do some Dafa work, I will try to help out or do other Dafa work, giving fellow practitioners my support, help, understanding and encouragement, so that we can form a strong, united, formidable force to eliminate the evil and offer salvation to the people of the world. Thus we can together complete the sacred mission of "Assisting Teacher in his journey in this world." [from Teacher's poem collection, Hong Yin, unofficial translation]
These are my enlightenments at my own level. Please kindly correct my understanding if it is not proper.
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