(Clearwisdom.net)
In teaching the Fa, Master wanted us to, "attain the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism" (Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature). In Purge Demon-Nature, Teacher said, "How could you achieve Consummation when you are not even able to let go of your own attachments?" "A magnificent cultivator, on the other hand, is able to let go of his Self and even all of his ordinary human thoughts amidst crucial trials." (Position) What is one's self? How does one let go of the idea of self? I was puzzled by this for a long time.
At first I thought that letting go of life and death to validate Dafa is letting go of one's self. Then I thought that eliminating selfishness at its root is letting go of one's self. However, in the process of cleaning up my thoughts, I discovered that this self is a considerably microscopic being, which hides very deeply and is very sly.
I recall in July of 2000 when I was still illegally detained in a forced labor camp, I continued to practice the exercises, but I was often overcome by fear. I therefore failed to persist to the end. I felt strange at the time. Hadn't I let go of life and death to validate Dafa? Why did I still have the attachment of fear? One night, when I was sitting on the bed doing the meditation exercise, after I quieted down, I saw my body becoming quite enormous. Yet there were two little black men, both the same size, near the heart area of this huge body. They were sitting there in meditation with their legs crossed. I knew at the time that one of them was selfishness, but I did not know what the other one was. However, I knew that these were the things that I couldn't let go of, and these were the sources of my attachment of fear.
Recently when I sent forth righteous thoughts, in the process of cleaning up my thoughts, I dug deep into the notions and thoughts that had interfered with my attaining tranquility, layer by layer. I discovered that these were produced by selfishness. As I went deeper to clean it up, I found that behind selfishness was the concept of "self," and it generated selfishness. Selfishness produced countless attachments. Just like a tree, the concept of "self" is the root. Selfishness is the trunk. Attachments are the branches and leaves. If we only got rid of attachments at the surface without getting rid of the root of this tree, the result would be the same as trimming the leaves and branches of a tree without removing the root. The leaves and branches will inevitably grow back.
This past half year, amidst painful mental conflicts, I experienced a difficult process of looking inward. First, I discovered ordinary attachments, then I discovered selfishness, then I discovered the deviated old forces in my inner self, and finally I discovered this "self." When I found it and eliminated it, first it lost a part of its being and appeared to be incomplete. I felt its presence inside my body, and it had a body with a form that was supported by a solid frameworks. I realized that eliminating this "self" is a solemn, difficult cultivation process. Therefore, I am writing this down to share with everyone.
This is just my personal understanding, and I hope fellow practitioners will compassionately point out anything inappropriate.
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