January 18, 2003
(Clearwisdom.net) My interest in literature had helped me develop a very emotional character. Reading romance novels became one of my main interests. I loved them to the point that I often felt what the characters of the novels felt.
Because of these interests my personality, before I received the Fa, was very attached to sentimentality. Every time I thought about the people, materials or locations I was familiar with, I would indulge in longing, and I always indulged in memories and fantasies that saddened and pleased me. I've always been like this with family matters, love affairs and friendships.
Literature has often praised "love" as the most valuable and best state for a human being. Therefore after much reading of such literature I became more and more like those characters from the novels. Before I attained the Fa, I still remember those painful feelings I had every time a love relationship failed. Because of my attachment, the pains I brought on myself were immense.
After I attained the Fa, I thought that I had put down the attachment of sentimentality. I thought I was over these feelings. Now when I look back I must admit that some such feelings still lingered, and the old forces have taken advantage of this. Come to think of it, my hobbies and habits from my days of youth were also an intricate arrangement of the old forces, to make me attached to love. And this human literature is itself also an arrangement of the old forces, to make us attached to love. My love to fantasize is also part of their arrangement to make me attached to love. In addition to their arrangements for my inner character and personality, they also arranged the external environment, such as the people and things that I've come in contact with. This way they can control me externally and internally through sentimentality.
Therefore, when I first started cultivating, for a period of time I didn't use my main consciousness to refuse and deny the old force's arrangements, and indulged myself in love affairs for a long time. Sometimes I thought I had successfully left this attachment behind, and then I would be under its control again. On the outside I indulged in various fantasies and memories, refusing to let go of my attachments. If I reflect deeply, my attachments are just my feelings. I've also been attached to my role, and am unwilling to let go of the feelings that this role encountered. My understanding is that no matter what we are attached to, the main reason for our attachment is "self," and not the thing that we are attached to.
I have not completely rid myself of the trap of sentimentality so I did not really want to write this article. But I found out that some people are struggling with similar attachments, so I wanted to write down my feelings to help all of us penetrate the old force's arrangements and the controls of sentimentality, and truly achieve the standard of Fa-rectification period practitioners.
These are my understandings. I hope others can point out any mistakes.
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