July 1999
I am 26-years-old and learned about Falun Dafa more than a year ago from my sister's classmate. At that time I was very critical of Dafa. It took another good three months until I decided to give it a try. The energy coming from Dafa reminds me daily of my thoughts I had then. I simply could not get it out of my mind.
Perhaps I could not believe that something as good as Dafa has come my way. During my search for the meaning of life and for the origin of life I encountered many negative experiences. It seemed too simplistic to me that one could return to the truth and the origin merely with the aid of a book and five cultivation exercises.
Even as a small child I enjoyed going out by myself in the evening. I would sit all by myself in the dark and sense a longing and ache in my heart. I wanted to go somewhere, but did not know the way. The world seemed shallow and full of contradictions. But yet, deep down inside of me I always knew what was right and what was wrong. That helped me to always be rational. But society was different. On one hand I always desired to be diligent, polite and unassuming, didn't want to stand out and had not much desire for material things. On the other hand, I always compared myself to others. What they had, I also wanted. What they knew how to do, I also wanted to be able to accomplish. So I began to aspire to go after personal advantages and recognition. In school I wanted to be the best, but somehow that was not enough anymore. I also wanted many friends and to be popular. Then, that was no longer enough. I wanted excitement, wanted to collect experiences and to become worldly wise and travel. I lived in constant restlessness, unsatisfied with myself, and was not able to handle my lot in life. In the end I took it one step further and began taking drugs. In the beginning, my family and friends worried about me and about my future, but then they gave up and we lost contact.
Since I have found Dafa, the restlessness and uncertainty no longer plague me. I have become stable and feel more balanced. I am presently studying to become a teacher, to teach special education students. This is something important for me, because I can see a purpose in it. I see my tasks in this world and am firmly committed to go my way, and have nothing interfere with my cultivation or deter me from it. I found that which gives me strength to handle my feelings and tribulations and has answered all my questions. I no longer need to feel sorry for myself when I encounter a difficulty, nor do I need to run away from my problems. I now know how to handle my problems and also know that the problems that I encounter are a way for me to pay back some of my debts. All of a sudden, things have become light, simple and natural.
I no longer have to chase after luck, health, love or knowledge. Everything I need to become happy, to reach the ultimate lucky state, is in the book Zhuan Falun. Everything that is destined to come into my life will come. I don't have to pursue anything. Everything will come by itself.
I am busy with my studies. I don't always take the easy road, but study what is pertinent and interesting and what seems to be important. I want to do a good job because doing it this way I found out makes me more content. I am also no longer as impatient as before. My thoughts are not preoccupied with wanting to have my own way when I have to complete a joint task. It turns out that I don't have to sacrifice my own ideas. It so happens that I always get a chance to include my own ideas. I am in a much better position to listen to my opponent and achieve harmonious cooperation. I can almost feel how Compassion and Forbearance are taking root my heart.
Thanks to Falun Dafa, my family situation has also changed for the better. Before I obtained Dafa, my sister, brother, and parents all lived in different parts of the city of Hamburg. Except for my sister and I, the rest of the family seldom met in a family circle. Somehow, everyone lived their own lives. Part of the reason for that was the problematic relationship with my father. We simply could not communicate. Routinely the visits would end in a verbal battle. My father would no longer acknowledge me as his daughter and throw me out of the house. I could not take that and avoided him. Strangely enough, my siblings did not have these problems with him. Since I could not resolve this problem, I chalked up his angry outbursts to his mental illness from which he suffered and in the process of this reasoning brought the rest of the family over to my side, so that I could assert my own will anytime I needed something.
Since I have practiced Falun Dafa, our relationship has totally changed. Now that I am willing to endure the fights with him, necessary as a great chance to improve my xinxing, we seldom have fights anymore. For the first time I sense that I see him as the person he really is. I don't see his illness any longer. When he starts yelling at me out of the blue, it does not bother me anymore and I manage to remain calm. This allows me to see his sorrow, fear and suffering. Our relationship has improved to the point where he has invited me to move back in with them. At first I was reluctant to give up my freedom and was afraid to become dependent. But then I changed my mind and did move back in with my parents. It cannot be by chance that he made me this offer. I see it as a great opportunity to advance on my road of cultivation. Besides that, I am glad that I don't have to burden my parents financially by having them pay for my separate housing, and I enjoy being with them. This arrangement eases many things in my life. When I told my brother of my decision to move back home, he could understand me right away. Then he ventured on his own that it would be best if our sister would move in with him, a good solution for us, since then we would all be physically much closer to each other. It would also shorten my sister's commute to school. We were all very touched, because under no circumstances did he want to have a sister living with him before. He had highly valued his freedom and independence. In the meantime, both of us sisters moved; I to my parents' home, and my sister moved in with my brother. That was a big relief for us. My sister helps our brother with his household and both of us sisters are giving our mother a hand with the housework. We take most meals with our parents. When there is time, we do the exercises together or read. That seems to make everything easier. We are all quite happy, in spite of the daily squabbles. My father, for the first time in his life, seems to blossom and is happy to have his children back. He is the only one among us who does not practice Falun Gong. That does not matter, though, because he allows us to practice in peace and quiet and trusts us. That alone shows me what positive results Falun Gong can have.
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Category: Beginning Cultivation
