(Clearwisdom.net) Recently, I read articles from Minghui Weekly which talked about Falun Dafa practitioners who have not yet rectified the environment at home. After reading this, I felt very uncomfortable. Actually, I have continuously been suffering in this painful state and sometimes I would tell my woes in front of Teacher's picture. I thought all my suffering was caused by my family. I complained that they are too lost in ordinary society and do not understand me enough. I have never really looked within myself to resolve this and have even thought that I have done pretty well.
Teacher said at the Fa-conference in 1999 in Australia, "wherever Dafa students are, people will all say that, as a person, you're just so wonderful. This is the state that's a reflection of your cultivating while conforming to everyday people's society to the maximum extent." When conflicts occur at home, I sometimes can act according to a high xinxing [mind-heart nature, moral character] standard, but sometimes I am not very good. I like to fight and compete with my family. I thought that my understanding was correct and I would unconsciously reveal my show-off mentality. To my children, I believed that since I am older, everyone must listen to me, and I tried to force my reasoning onto others. Isn't this the result of traditional pre-conceived notions? All this showed that I did not resolve conflicts according to the Fa. I actually stopped them from obtaining the Fa and worse still, it can be considered that I brought damage to the Fa.
Previously when I clarified the truth to my family, I hoped they would quickly obtain the Fa. Due to my own attachments and sentiments, it did not work. Later I went to another extreme: due to my own inadequate truth clarifying, I thought that my family had no pre-destined relationship, so I should just let them be. As long as they do not disturb my practicing the exercises and studying the Fa at home, it is alright. This showed my selfishness and that I have no compassion.
For a period of time, the family conflicts escalated. I thought that I had elevated my cultivation level and so the standard was now higher. I told myself to tolerate it as much as possible. Once a conflict truly touched the depth of my heart, I could not tolerate it well and fully revealed my demonic side. Teacher said in the Lecture at the Assistants' Fa Conference in Changchun, "This is to say that if you want to change, you have to change yourselves from deep down within, from your very nature. Only that is true elevation and true transformation. If the nature of your xinxing doesn't change, when you encounter a problem [your attachment] will come forth abruptly--it will swell up and display itself." Teacher said in Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston, "You are cultivators, whose conduct is [supposed to be] pure and righteous. There are so many people who think you're great just by having seen how you act. If we don't pay attention to our own behavior in our daily lives, everyday people will see our actions and, since they can't get to know you at a deep level such as by studying the Fa, they will just look at how you act. And it's possible that one sentence or one action of yours will make them unsavable or create a bad impression of Dafa."
This is when I realized that I was the main reason my family environment had not been rectified. I have so many attachments which have not been eliminated. I did not pay attention to small details at home and did not display the true character of a practitioner. I have actually brought discredit to Dafa. In my heart, I feel that I have brought shame to Teacher. I have not cultivated well. This has affected my family members being saved as well. I realized that in order to rectify other people, I must first rectify myself. I must strive forward diligently and make up for my past mistakes and do well in the three things that Teacher requires of us: to study the Fa, clarify the truth about Falun Dafa and the persecution, and send forth righteous thoughts .
December 18, 2003
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