(Clearwisdom.net) I was continuously tortured both physically and mentally while detained at the Xindian Female Labor Camp in Taiyuan City, Shanxi Province. Such long-term suffering, however, could not change my determined heart. When I looked within throughout that experience, I also found many of my own attachments.
In "Towards Consummation" Teacher taught,
"Do you know that one of the biggest excuses the old evil forces use at present to persecute Dafa is that your fundamental attachments remain concealed? So in order to identify those people, the tribulations have been made more severe."
When I read this article before I was detained, the issue of "fundamental attachments" always puzzled me. I could not figure out exactly what they might be.
Now I have realized that I study the Fa with attachments. For example, I studied the Fa for the purpose of eliminating karma and in hopes of avoiding suffering in the future. I refused to denounce Falun Gong because I was afraid that I would go to the hell if I did. I realize now that all of these thoughts are attachments. "Studying the Fa" is to distinguish the righteous from the evil and to assimilate to the principle of "Truth, Compassion and Tolerance." As long as my path is righteous, I should not give in no matter how much suffering I have to bear.
I have heard some practitioners claim that they agreed to be "transformed" and give up their belief under pressure, then continue to practice after being released and do "good deeds" to make up for their mistakes. In the article "Dafa is Indestructible" Teacher said,
"And any attachment of fear is itself a barrier that prevents you from reaching Consummation..."
We have waited for tens of thousands of years just for this Fa rectification period and to save sentient beings. Why do we step back when Dafa needs us to step forward?
In the labor camp, some practitioners who have their third eyes open said that they had seen Teacher, and that He asked them to do certain things. I knew myself that what they saw were fake Fashen. Others were spreading fake articles, claiming Teacher wrote them. I only believed what I had read myself and nothing else.
My third eye is not open. But I firmly believe in Dafa.
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts."
("Drive Out Interference")
We can always see through the lies if our heart is within the Fa.
Beginning October 23, 2003, the labor camp started another round of physical and mental torture against me. I was completely deprived of sleep and forced to stand for 24 hours. I was not allowed to sit or to use the toilet. I was forced to squat. When I asked to use the toilet I was forced to insult Dafa and Teacher before I was given permission, so I always tried to prolong this need. As a result, I sometimes lost control of my bodily functions. Sometimes the police forced me to stay outside in cold weather in the middle of the night wearing only a thin layer of clothing. I was given only preserved salty vegetables and cold steamed buns, while the criminals were fed vegetables. To avoid the need to use the toilet, I ate and drank very little. After two months, my bones began to protrude from my body. Several months later, I lost the ability to walk; however, they still forced me to carry heavy loads. Even today my knees still cause me pain. One time a criminal struck me on the head, and it bled profusely. They continuously tortured me for over two months, but I never denounced Dafa and Teacher.
I recall another time when a criminal beat me up. The beating was excruciatingly painful. I was not afraid at that moment, but I was fearful later on. Then I saw Teacher in a dream. He told me, "You have been through so much. What are you afraid of?" I then realized that I still had the attachment of fear, and that this was my fundamental attachment. Studying the Fa is to assimilate to the principle of "Truth, Compassion and Tolerance" and it is unconditional. Dafa is indestructible. What was I afraid of? Gradually I got rid of my heart of fear.
When I was forced to stay out in the cold, others saw me being carried by beings in other dimensions. I just knew that I could endure anything as long as I firmly believed in Dafa. This was despite constant threats from my tormentors who said, "You will suffer forever until you are brainwashed." They even asked me, "If you know that you will not see the day come when the Fa rectifies the human world, will you still refuse to be brainwashed?" I told them that I would never be brainwashed. During those days, I often thought to myself, "Even if I were tortured every moment of my entire life, even if I lose my life, I will never be brainwashed. What am I afraid of, so long I have Teacher and the Fa in my heart?" The tribulations disappeared when these righteous thoughts came out. When they tortured me, I truly felt as if "hundreds kind of tribulations all come down" (cited from "Hongyin").
I feel incredibly fortunate to have obtained the Fa during the Fa rectification period. Although I have suffered to such an extent, I know that validating Falun Dafa is the most sacred and magnificent thing I have ever done. I have waited for millions of years for this moment.
When detained in the labor camp, every word of Teacher is precious. I suggest fellow practitioners, especially those who stay at home, learn to recite all of Teacher's articles and lectures. Let's treasure this precious opportunity and strive forward for the sake of the truth and Dafa. Our future is bright.
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