(Clearwisdom.net) Recently my thought karma was very relentless but I have not paid much attention to it. Many times I found excuses to pardon myself. An incident that happened recently made me realize how evil the bad thoughts could be, and I should have paid attention and faced them properly.
One night around 11 pm, I thought about lying down for a while before sending forth righteous thoughts. When I just lay down, the unclean desires and thoughts of the human mind popped up, and I didn't stop them right away with a righteous mind. I continued to think about them, and when I'd just finished thinking, I saw a big patch of high-density small bright spots; about the size of a pen tip. It was so bright that I could not open my eyes but I saw them very clearly.
Once these bright spots appeared, I heard the cry of men, women and children. I knew that some accident may have happened, but when I listened carefully, I discovered that the cry was not from outside, but came from every individual cell inside my body. I immediately understood that the dirty thoughts and desires that I just had were very malicious and that the demons had found the loophole to torment sentient beings and myself.
I immediately sent forth righteous thought to eliminate them, but I could neither open my mouth, which seemed to be not my own, nor move my body. I knew that the demons were trying to control me. At once I asked Master to help me. I said, "Master, I was wrong, and in the future I will not think of those destructive things anymore. I realize now that they were malicious." Although I could not move my mouth, I silently recited the formula "The Fa rectifies the Cosmos, the Evil is completely eliminated." I tried my best to speak, but only after I'd recited it about 5 to 6 times did my mouth slowly begin to work again. All the little bright spots suddenly disappeared, but a small piece of bright light the size of coin still shone at the top right corner of my line of sight. I immediately recited Master's Fa rectification formula, and when I'd finished reciting, a small round object which looked like a small Falun circled around it, and it disappeared.
I then understood that the demons took advantage of my weakness because I had overindulged in unclean thoughts and desires. Even though I could not see the pain of the sentient beings in my corresponding universe, I could tell by their woeful cries that they had suffered greatly, and some had even lost their lives.
When I understood all this, I felt much pain and regret. The sentient beings had suffered because I did not get rid of my attachment. As a cultivator, in order to save sentient beings, every thought and desire has to be pure and should gradually become even more and more pure.
This is what I have enlightened to. Fellow practitioners, please point out mistakes.
2004-4-1
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