Shared at the 2004 New York Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference
(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings Master!
Greetings fellow practitioners!
In mythology, when the heavenly bird Phoenix is about to be reborn, it will first fly into a gigantic blazing fire and be consumed by the flames. Three days later, a new Phoenix emerges from the ashes. The Gods say it's a renewal of life and a magnificent rebirth, and this is what I feel Falun Dafa has given me.
* * *
The first time I heard the music "Pu Du" was after a group study. When the notes from the solo Chinese flute slowly flowed out, my tears flowed instantly. It seemed like a voice saying to me: It's been a long, long time. You're far, far away. You've been wandering lost and helpless for too long. It's time to go home...
During the first two years of my cultivation, I really wanted very much to cultivate myself, but on the other hand, I really didn't know how to cultivate. My cultivation was very painful. I always felt that my attachments didn't go away no matter how hard I tried. It was very rare for me to get any higher enlightenment while reading Zhuan Falun. What I feared most was that fellow practitioners would tell me that I had attachments again.
That's the way it was for me until the beginning of the persecution in 1999. One day after work, I sat in the lab where I worked and tried to decide whether I should go to an academic conference that was out of town. One minute I thought I should go because it would be beneficial to my work. The next minute I worried that I would miss an important Fa-rectification activity that weekend and so maybe I shouldn't go. While I was caught in this endless back and forth condition, I suddenly realized that actually my whole cultivation so far had been in this kind of state, worrying about loss and gain and weighing one against the other. The starting point of everything was to evaluate how much I could gain without losing anything. Amidst all kinds of truth-clarification events, I had this unconscious mentality of not wanting to be left behind or miss out on anything good.
Right at that moment I thought of Master, and then the entire two years of my cultivation process appeared before my eyes. I couldn't help bursting into tears. Wasn't it true that in the years of cultivation and under the care of Master, everything I obtained was the most beautiful and wonderful--the elevation of my soul? And everything I lost was the dirtiest and filthiest--my attachments and karma. What else should I be worried about? Hadn't I found my heart's destiny? At that moment, I felt a piece of thick shell dissolve away. I truly and vividly experienced Master's grand compassion. Later I realized that a very fundamental attachment in my life had been melted by Master's compassion.
Master told us in the article "Towards Consummation," (from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
"Studying the Fa with attachments is not true cultivation. Yet during the course of cultivation a person may gradually become aware of his fundamental attachments, rid himself of them, and thus meet the standard for a cultivator. What's a fundamental attachment, then? Human beings acquire many notions in this world and are, as a consequence, driven by these notions to pursue what they yearn for. But when a person comes to this world, it is karmic arrangements that determine his course of life and what will be gained and lost in it. How could a person's notions determine each stage of his life? So those so-called 'beautiful dreams and wishes' become pursuits that can never be realized, despite painful attachments."
At a young age, I had developed a deep feeling of insecurity and personal crisis due to the fact that I attended pre-school and kindergarten away from home and was separated from my family for long periods of time. However, with the passage of time, and as I grew older, I couldn't recognize these feelings, as they got covered up by layers and layers of my life experiences and social development. This underlying feeling of insecurity had become a notion that controlled all aspects of my life and the entire process of my development. From childhood to adulthood, it didn't matter if I was in school, at work, traveling abroad, getting married, or even cultivating -- I pursued what I thought was good, because it made me feel secure. In the dog-eat-dog world, in order to protect my selfish self, my brain was trained to be extremely speedy in calculating my personal loss and gain in any situation. I was not about to put myself in any insecure state by any chance. Later I heard the word "sneaky" in one of Master's lectures. It was really like that!
Because of this fundamental attachment, I was unconsciously pursuing what I thought was good in the Fa, which greatly hindered my complete melting into the Fa, and a solid belief in Master and the Fa. That was why I couldn't see much of the higher-level Fa while studying the book -- my true self was masked by my post-natal notions, and I couldn't embrace the Fa whole-heartedly. From then on, I realized that whenever we can't see the Fa's higher principles, we should not go to Master to pursue them; instead, we should ask ourselves if it's because we didn't improve our xinxing. Without the elevation of our xinxing and our realms, the Buddhas, Daos and Gods behind the words of the Book won't give us any hints of the higher content.
As a result of this experience in the lab that day after work, I changed dramatically. It was so apparent that fellow practitioners told me that I seemed to be another person. When I held the book to read it again, I felt every word and sentence was a manifestation of Master's compassion. I felt my life full of happiness from the microcosmic to the macrocosmic, and from the inside out. Happiness and joy flowed in me like a fountain, continually gushing out from the bottom of my heart. I remembered a story from Buddhism: One of Buddha Sakyamuni's disciples was a Prince before his cultivation. One night he sang in the Royal Garden by himself. The guard went up to ask him what was going on. He said, "Previously I was as noble as a Prince. I had a crown, a great fortune, and beauty. I owned everything, but I was very afraid in my heart. I was afraid of being deprived of my crown, fortune, and beauty -- that someone else would take it. Now I'm cultivating Buddhahood. In my heart I have the Law, so I have nothing to be afraid of. That's why I started singing."
I understood the point of this story as I deeply experienced the feeling that my heart was full of brightness even if I was buried by layers and layers of darkness. Those who cultivate Dafa are the most joyful people! And from then on, I knew that as long as I had Master and Dafa, no matter what might arise in front of me in the future, I could stride over it. I also realized that the genuine meaning of life is to assimilate our lives with the principles of "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance."
Cultivation is no longer an empty word to me. Instead it manifests in great detail in every corner of my daily life. Master told us in Lecture One of Zhuan Falun:
"To tell you the truth, the entire cultivation process for a practitioner is one of constantly giving up human attachments."
My understanding is that as long as we are still cultivating, we should constantly let go of our attachments and strive closer to "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance." The current Fa-rectification period is different from self-cultivation--my understanding of the difference is that we have larger responsibilities to shoulder. We should clarify the truth and save sentient beings, which is not just about personal consummation and returning. We cannot lower our standards for improving xinxing and eliminating attachments in the Fa-rectification.
When I was doing TV work, I was involved in a big conflict with another practitioner. The focal point of the conflict was the different understandings we had about the direction of the local TV team in clarifying the truth. Although things seem very simple to me now, I was really attached to my position at that time. I even thought that the other practitioner's understanding was a kind of interference. The more I thought about it, the more I felt I was right. I convinced myself that I was really thinking about the well-being of the TV station. After a while, I got busy with other projects and stepped back from the TV team. Gradually I began to see that the other team members were doing a good job clarifying the truth according to the direction suggested by the other practitioner. I realized that the other practitioner's understanding was also right. One day when I was reading Zhuan Falun Lecture Two, "The Issue of the Celestial Eye," I came across this paragraph:
"A practitioner whose cultivation has reached a particular level can only see manifestations at that level. He is unable to see the truth beyond that level, and neither will he believe it. Therefore, he only regards what he sees at his level as correct."
I found that this passage was talking about my problem, and indeed both our understandings were correct. We just saw two different aspects of the same matter. If we really want to do a good job of something, we should do all aspects well. But why was I so attached to my understanding earlier? Fundamentally it was an issue of selfishness. I took my thoughts, my arrangements, and my whole set of working directions too seriously. All those are impurities to be eliminated while doing the sacred Fa-rectification work. Many times I found that we use Fa-rectification as an excuse to cover up our attachments that we don't want to let go of, which causes disharmony among practitioners. This experience gave me a chance to see the importance of mutual harmony amongst ourselves. No matter how good one practitioner's understanding is, it can only represent one cosmic body, and the relative wisdom is linear and one-dimensional. If everyone can fully utilize what he enlightens to in the Fa, the wisdom will be multi-dimensional. That will be the harmony of the whole universe, which I understand to be what Master wants.
Master has told us about the principle of "Formation, Stasis, Degeneration and Destruction," and has given us renewal and recovery instead of "Destruction." My understanding is that Master has given us the mechanism to ensure harmony, recovery, and renewal. The key, however, is that we must constantly compare ourselves with the universal principle to find out where we deviate, and then eliminate these things. Many times, if my cultivation state is good, I can reach the state of looking inside unconditionally. Sometimes, it can become automatic, like a mechanism. When there's a problem, I don't look at others. I only focus on the distance between me and "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance" to find my problem and eliminate it. Sometimes when I feel uneasy with somebody or something, I immediately ask what's wrong with me. As soon as my thoughts go in that direction, I can see my problem immediately. The uneasiness disappears and I can feel my realm improve. It's just as fast as that. With this kind of mechanism, you can feel the continuous changes every month and every day.
In Fa-rectification cultivation, it's not just while doing Fa-rectification work that we need to improve xinxing. The requirement exists for cultivation in every aspect of ordinary society. Many times I found when I needed to improve my xinxing, a similar problem in my regular job would arise. My job was being used to give me hints. For example at one point in Fa-rectification work, I often complained that other practitioners working on other projects didn't cooperate, and one body could not be formed. At that same time, at work, my department had to work closely with another department. And whenever the experiment did not go smoothly, people in that other department complained that our samples were not good. In return, we told them that it was their system that was problematic. Their problematic system caused our good samples to be bad. It kept going back and forth like this continually. And then I realized that we were one body. We should understand each other and cooperate well. Sometimes we also needed to supplement each other. This was exactly my problem in cultivation, but I couldn't see it until it manifested at work. Also there was a time when I just wanted to do big things in the Fa-rectification, the bigger the better. Best if it's a world-class achievement. And right then, of course, I was assigned a big project at work. Everything was very smooth, and I had reached the end of the project. When I was about to sit back and enjoy the feeling of achievement, my boss asked me to transfer the project to another colleague and gave a very valid reason for it. When this happened, I thought a bit. ...Yes, we can't be attached to anything.
Master said in "Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003,"
"But no matter how trying it is, your goal is clear: in difficult situations we are able to save sentient beings and to succeed in cultivating ourselves; in this cultivation process we're able to temper ourselves and become purer and purer and more and more able to meet higher standards..."
I think many of us practitioners have had the experience of our hearts becoming more transparent and peaceful while cultivating. Meanwhile, Dafa also opens up greater wisdom in us and bestows us with supreme capabilities.
I would like to share a story about writing an article. Last year two local practitioners on the TV team went to report on an anti-SARS fund-raising concert in the Chinese community. Because the Chinese Consul General in New York attended, the two were refused entry. Later the organizers even called the police to escort them to leave. Due to the propaganda from the Jiang regime, many local Chinese didn't understand us and unknowingly contributed to the persecution. Many local practitioners went to clarify the truth to the local Chinese community leaders, and it was very touching.
At that time I had one thought in my heart--to write an article and publish it in the local newspaper so more Chinese people would understand. I wanted them to know about the "grand compassion and tolerance" that practitioners had manifested over the four years of persecution for the well-being of the Chinese people, and how bad it would be for them to discriminate against or hate Falun Gong practitioners. I wrote very quickly, and knew I didn't write it with my ordinary skills. It was the wisdom that Dafa bestowed on me, because I knew there was no way I could have finished it with my ordinary skills. I sent the article to other practitioners for comments and soon received feedback. I carefully looked at every one of the comments. If it made sense, I changed my wording accordingly. If not, I explained my reason. If this had occurred earlier in my cultivation, I would not have been so open to the comments and would want to leave things as is. However, I felt very different this time. What I saw was that every practitioner tried to help sincerely and from the heart to achieve the best vehicle for truth-clarification. Everyone was using the wisdom they cultivated at their level to supplement the parts where I was lacking. From beginning to end, there were around 30 comments and suggestions, and I treated each of them carefully, making changes where necessary. I worked through them all very quickly and efficiently. In the end, one practitioner suggested to change the title of the article. As soon as I caught myself wondering whether that would change the whole subject of the article, I said to myself, "why not just try it." When I followed the practitioner's suggestion to change the title, it was indeed better than my own. It was very inspiring and enlightening. In the Fa-rectification, if I do something well, it's not because I'm magnificent; instead, it's the Fa that is magnificent.
When my heart is in the Fa, the power of the Fa shows through me. It's just as simple as that. In writing that article, my role was to set up the structure and put the necessary parts together. When other practitioners saw that the surface was rough, they smoothed it out and helped to improve it. When others saw something confusing or messed up, they clarified it or replaced text. The whole process was one of cultivation, in which everyone harmonized for the best results. If we cultivate well, our cooperation will be harmonious; the power will be great and we'll save more sentient beings.
As Master mentioned in the Lecture at the First Conference in North America,
"Since such an immense Fa is being taught in human society, think about how remarkably easy it is to assimilate one person. Let me draw a most simple analogy: If a piece of sawdust drops into a furnace of molten steel, it will vanish in a twinkling. It would be effortless for an immense Fa such as ours to assimilate a person like you, to eliminate your karma, to remove your improper thoughts, and so forth."
My understanding is that cultivation is not difficult. The most important aspect is whether we would like to jump into the molten steel without any reservation and to change our lives, which have been carrying a lot of marks from the old cosmos, according to the principle of "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance."
Master also said in the article of "In Reference to a Prophecy," (from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
"The process of Master's Fa-rectification among humans is, as Gods see it, just like a process of resurrection."
As beings in the old cosmos, we came to the three realms with "heavenly courage." With the greatest pleasure, we're participating in the Fa-rectification with Master and cultivating in the Fa-rectification. Our lives and the lives of countless cosmic bodies have been reborn -- all because of Master's immense compassion. In the Fa-rectification, the process of eliminating all barriers in the human world with the guidance of "Truthfulness, Benevolence, Forbearance" and elevating to the realms of magnificent enlightened beings is the true practice by which hundreds of millions are validating the magnificence of the universal law.
I know my presentation is so tiny in the boundless Buddha Fa and under the infinite grace of Master. But it's the song of my heart. The purpose of singing it out is to sing the praises of Master and Dafa. Thank you Master, from the bottom of my heart. And thank you, fellow practitioners.
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