(Clearwidom.net) At the end of October 2000, I went to Beijing to appeal. Later on, the Shanghai City Liaison Office in Beijing sent me directly back to the Kangjian Police Station located in the Xuhui District, Shanghai Province.

The police there started to question me. They did not allow me to sleep and I could not even close my eyes for a minute. They also found three members of the Joint Defense Team to watch me. Whenever I closed my eyes, they would wake me up. Every night, they asked me a lot of questions. For example, when did I learn about Falun Dafa and through whom? At that time, I felt such information did not mean anything and just told them. During the first two days, they repeatedly asked me if I would still practice Falun Dafa. I said yes. The authorities tried to manipulate me by playing against the affection I had for my family members. They said, "Look at the situation you're in. Your family members must feel so worried!" I still would not renounce my belief. They also said, "If you continue like this, you will lose your job and we will cancel your registered permanent residency in Shanghai."
Even those threats could not shake me. Before dawn on the third day, they threatened to strip off my cloths and make me stand barefoot in front of the gate of the police station while only wearing my underwear. I said to them, "You are persecuting me." They finally gave up when they saw I how steadfast I was toward my belief in Falun Dafa.

A policeman said they discovered a suitcase of truth-clarifying materials in the house rented in my name where a fellow practitioner and I lived together. He constantly asked me the source of the materials. I said I did not know that there was a bag of materials. He asked if I brought materials to Beijing and if I distributed materials in Beijing and Shanghai. I said no. After that, he asked me if the fellow practitioner I lived with before ever distributed materials. I said I did not know and I was not sure about what he did since I worked regular hours.

On the third afternoon, a young policeman rushed in and forced me to stand in one place for several hours. He asked me if I knew why I was being punished. I replied that I did not. He accused me of lying. I told him that I did not lie to him. After that, he said the fellow practitioner already told them that I knew about the materials. I felt bewildered. I thought, "Could it be that the fellow practitioner told them everything?" Then, the policemen also told me, "I'll give you one more chance. If you do not tell us the truth, you will have no more chances." He also continued to manipulate the situation by claiming, "The fellow practitioner told us everything and shifted all of the responsibility to you. If you still do not tell us the truth, you will have to bear all the responsibility." At that time, I lost my sense of reason and wondered how a fellow practitioner could treat me in such a way. Later, I told them I knew there was a bag of materials in my home but I did not know where it came from.

After that, personnel from the "610 Office" (1) came and asked me when the bag of materials was delivered to my home and who delivered it. I told them the delivery time but I said I did not know the person and had not seen him before. Then, they asked me to recall the person's name. I said I was not sure. Later on, the personnel from the "610 Office" brought the fellow practitioner's address book that they took from our home and demanded that I identify it. I said I did not know whose it was. They dug out a name and asked if he was the delivery person. I saw the name and felt they might know everything. I said that it probably was him but I was not sure.

When I calmed down I realized that I had swallowed the bait they had put in front of me. I had been deceived by a whole set of tricks and manipulation that the police had used. By this time, however, I had already made the mistake and there was nothing I could do to take it back.

Feeling depressed by my judgment error, I gradually lost my righteous thoughts. My human side took more and more control. In spirit, I felt I could not bear any more and I only wanted to sleep. The member of the Joint Defense Team also said hypocritically, "Just answer these questions clearly first and then you can go to the detention center early. At least, you can have a good sleep so as not to be agonized like this." I accepted such words. Later, the "610 Office" asked me to be cooperative and write a list of the practitioners in the Shanghai Transportation University. I followed their orders. I also wrote down the practitioners I once contacted, which caused a practitioner who was not exposed originally to be put under watch. Last year, after I came overseas, I found out from other fellow practitioners that the fellow practitioner I exposed was sentenced to one and a half years' at a forced labor camp in August 2001, just because he shared cultivation experiences with other practitioners.

The "610 Office" personnel also asked me in a leading way if that fellow practitioner pushed me to go to Beijing to appeal, trying to get me to agree to their agenda. I said no and that it was me, alone, who decided to go. However, they changed their manner of questioning and asked me if my appeal was done under his influence. I clearly knew that the purpose of such an interrogation was to shift all responsibility on to that fellow practitioner. Even so, I shamefully went along with it.

During the 30 days in the detention center, the police detained me with condemned criminals, drug addicts, swindlers, thieves, and robbers. Because my righteous thoughts almost did not stand out and my human side was going strong, I felt I really could not bear any more in my heart and just thought about getting out early. The guard had the lead prisoner pressure me and demand that I write the guarantee not to practice Falun Dafa. He said I would be sentenced to forced labor if I did not write the statement and I would be released if I did. At that time, I really did not want to stay there for another day. At that time, I thought, if I write a false one and play a word game, it won't matter, because after I get out I will still practice. Later, I wrote the guarantee that I absolutely should not have written.

On every Friday, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian from the "610 Office" of the Shanghai National Security Bureau Xuhui Branch came to interrogate me. They are the main people who persecute Dafa practitioners in the Xuhui District. They handled the case of that fellow practitioner and me. Later, the fellow practitioner was sentenced to two years of forced labor. Ten months later, in August 2001, the fellow practitioner mentioned that the practitioner I exposed was sentenced to one and a half years of forced labor.

Chen and Qiu constantly pressured me. During the second interrogation, they demanded that I work as a special agent for them and betray other practitioners after being released. I struggled agonizingly for a week. I agreed shamefully at the next interrogation. I still struggled to salvage a thread of my conscience. I said to them, I could only help them to find out the mental state of practitioners, in other words, if they still firmly believed in Falun Gong, but I absolutely would not do things like help to persuade and brainwash other practitioners, luring some practitioners out to distribute materials and then cause them to get arrested and sentenced because I knew that I absolutely could not serve as a special agent. Betraying practitioners is committing a sin. If practitioners were sentenced to imprisonment or forced labor because of my betrayal, I would bring even more karma on to myself. What I thought at that time was, "I will just consent perfunctorily first. After I'm released, I will decline if I can. I will not serve as a special agent if I am able. If I really cannot evade their demands, I will just make up some stories or select some unimportant information to tell them."

Since I could not bear the pressure and compromised with the evil, I was released. When Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian interrogated me for one last time, they extorted 20,000 yuan from me (2). At that time, I started to get a bit of my reason back and knew it was not a legitimate fee, but a trick to steal money from me. I just insisted that for the life of me I did not have any money. They said they might not release me if I did not pay the money and then they would have to send me to a forced labor camp. In the end I agreed to work as a special agent. Afterwards, I felt very sad.

After I was released, I was not allowed to live in my original home and after that, I became homeless for a while. During that period, a practitioner contacted me and gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun and Teacher's new articles. However, regrettably, I had no way to calm down and study the Fa at that time. I was in a very bad state of mind and did not want to read the book at all. In just this way, I missed a good chance to return to the path of cultivation and keep from walking closer and closer to the opposite side of Dafa.

During the first several months after I was released, the evil police tried to contact me many times. Since I had neither cell phone nor pager, they had no way to find me. Then, they put pressure on the non-practitioner friend of mine mentioned in the beginning of this article. They demanded that he tell me to contact them. My friend sent the words to me several times. I always pushed the police's demands aside. I told my friend, "If they come to you again in the future, just say that I have no relation to you and they can find me themselves."

Then one day at the end of February 2001, when the company I worked for was moving, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian found me. They were not wearing uniforms and said to me proudly, "Don't you know it's us? You want to hide from us, but you can't." Actually, I know that if I had not given a business card to a classmate who was pursuing his graduate degree when I went back to school and met him, they would have had no way to find me.

They demanded that I go into their office to see them the next afternoon. On the next day, Teacher gave me a hint again. When I arrived at the entrance to the National Security Bureau, I could not reach them by phone. I called their pager, but the person who called me back was someone else. I ran away and went to a place on the outskirts of the city. At that time, I understood it was Teacher's hint, preventing me from committing this crime against Falun Dafa. However, I did not let go of my attachment and went back by myself, so I missed another chance.

I brought the guarantee letter I wrote in advance and compromised with the evil again. Later, the police demanded that I work for them. I agreed. They decided to contact me by phone and demanded that I keep in touch with them.

Later, they came to the company where I worked to see me every several weeks. They wanted to control me and they continued trying to bully me and entice me into serving as a special agent for them. From the information they disclosed, I knew that the fellow practitioner who formerly lived with me was sentenced to two years' forced labor. Up to today, when I'm writing this article, three and a half years have gone by. However, I have still not heard from that fellow practitioner.

I told Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian I only had the phone number of the exposed fellow practitioner because of my betrayal when I was interrogated at the Kangjian Police Station at the end of 2000. I did not have any contact information for the other practitioners from the Shanghai Transportation University. Therefore, they demanded that I call other practitioners more often. They also demanded that I contact them after I called one and tell them the details of the conversation.

I evaded them many times. Finally, under pressure from Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian, I called the fellow practitioner at my company several times after March 2001. The content of the conversation was very plain. I tried my best to avoid the topic of Dafa. The fellow practitioner encouraged me with a compassionate heart and asked my situation, but I always changed the topic.

Every time, after I called the fellow practitioner, I always called Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian and told them some things I felt were unimportant at that time. Under the demands of Chen and Qiu, I asked the fellow practitioner to meet. Around one weekend in the middle of April 2001, the fellow practitioner and I met at the lawn of the university. He asked what my situation was like when I was detained. I told him I did not do well and wrote down the names of fellow practitioners. I wrote down how I contacted three practitioners after July 20, 1999, including how I contacted him. I also told him that the "610 Office" found the address book of the fellow practitioner who was arrested with me at the same time, which probably had many practitioners' names and phone numbers. The fellow practitioner asked me whether the address book was coded in numbers or in other ways. I said it was written directly by hand and had no protection measures. The fellow practitioner just sighed and said we were too careless for not encoding such an important address book. How big an effect it must have had when it fell into the evil's hands!

The fellow practitioner also said to me: "How can you not put down life and death when you come out to validate the Fa? You did not do well when you were arrested. It was just because you did not put down life and death at that time. Moreover, how can you betray other practitioners?"

I was reproached to the point where I was speechless. I just said to him, "You should pay attention to your own safety. The '610 Office' authorities in Xuhui District have noticed you. Do not call me if there is nothing important. When I call you, you should not tell me anything sensitive." I still had my attachment of fear. I was afraid that the "610 Office" personnel were able to monitor our talk, or later on, if the "610 Office" personnel found out from other practitioners that I told a fellow practitioner that they demanded that I be a special agent, they would persecute me. Therefore, at that time, I did not admit to being a special agent to my fellow practitioner.

After this meeting, I did not contact him much. Later, the police urged me to contact him. I randomly made up some information to tell them. For example, I said I called the fellow practitioner at some time in the last few days and we talked about some things relating to work. The police asked me if he contacted other practitioners. I said, "He did not. He just came back to Shanghai and did not have other practitioners' contact information."

In the middle of April 2001, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian also once demanded that I contact another female Dafa practitioner. I said, "I do not have her phone number and I am not familiar with her. If I directly ask her sensitive questions, she will not tell me and will suspect me." I then pushed this thing away. By May 2001, they gave me the female practitioner's phone number at work and demanded that I must contact her at once by phone. I dialed the number but no one answered. Later, I did not call her back.

Around March 2001, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian also demanded that I contact a female practitioner who lives in Kangjian New Village of Xuhui District, Shanghai City. They gave me her home number and demanded that I find out if she was firmly supportive of Falun Gong. After July 20, 1999, the female practitioner along with a group of several practitioners went to Beijing to appeal in August 1999. Later, she walked out of the Shanghai City Liaison Office in Beijing with righteous thoughts. She opened the window of the second floor of the liaison office and jumped out. There was an alleyway behind the building and it was not even so she broke both her legs when she hit the ground. Because of this, she was not sent to a forced labor camp and was released on bail for medical treatment. However, her home was put under watch for a long time. She was watched even when she went out. The "610 Office" personnel had no way to deal with her. She was very steadfast. Even if the "610 Office" personnel wanted to send her to a forced labor camp, the camp would not accept her because she was unable to walk from the injury to her legs.

I dialed the female practitioner's home phone number and she answered. We did not talk for long. She said it was not convenient for her to talk at that time and she would call me later. She then hung up the phone. I was relieved because we did not mention anything Dafa-related. About three weeks later, she used a public phone to call me. She told me her home phone was not safe and was monitored. She asked me not to call her home phone if there was nothing important. I also told her that the "610 Office" personnel still watched her and probably were plotting to send her to a forced labor camp or illegally sentence her. I asked her to take care of herself and not to call me. At that time, I did not have the courage to tell her that she was implicated by what I wrote in the Kangjian Police Station, even though she leaned on a crutch to walk a long way and mercifully sent me Teacher's new articles in 2000.

By the end of April 2001, the company I worked for planned to send me on a business trip to Japan. Even though I committed so many wrong doings and betrayed my fellow practitioners, Teacher still did not abandon me. My registered permanent residency was full of problems. My new company helped me to change my permanent residency from my hometown to Shanghai. The political examination of my passport did not pass through the public security departments, but I directly went to an alternative firm to get a stamp of approval. Finally, I obtained my passport without a hitch at the end of April. After I obtained the passport, the company helped me get a visa. After that, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian contacted me many times. I pushed them away, saying that I was really too busy in my work. They forced me to set a definite time. I said, "Currently, I definitely have no spare time. We can talk after June."

Later, I came to Japan for the business trip in June. I contacted the practitioners here. They gave me Dafa books and practice music tapes. Through three months of studying the Fa with a calm heart, I finally got rid of the interference and resolved not to work for the evil police after going back to China, no matter what happened.

In August 2001, I received an email that Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian sent from China. They phoned my company to find me. The people at my company told them I went to Japan for a business trip. In the email, they demanded that I collect information on Japanese Falun Gong practitioners. When I saw the email, I immediately deleted it. After I deleted it, my attachment of fear arose again. In my mind, the thought of how they would persecute me after I returned jumped out in my mind ceaselessly. At that time, I saw the articles on Clearwisdom.net that a fellow practitioner recommended to me, as well as Teacher's new articles. At the same time as studying the Fa, I also used the fellow practitioners who did very well in the articles on Clearwisdom.net to encourage me to firmly eliminate interference.

In September 2001, I went back to Shanghai. Around the end of September or the beginning of October, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian called my company to find me again. I flatly said to them, "I am not available. In the future, do not come to harass me. I will never do what you want any more. Go find someone else to do it for you." After saying those words, I hung up.

A month later, in November 2001, Chen Zhenyong and Qiu Jian called my company to find me again. When I heard their voice, I immediately said, "I am busy. Do not call me any more in the future. I do not have free time. I do not and would not do such things." They immediately said, "We just want to chat as friends. We will not talk about Falun Gong." I said, "If you regard me as a friend, can you ask a friend to do such shameful things? Moreover, if you really regard me as a friend, please do not come to bother me any more. Please respect my choice." After saying this, I hung up. Since then, the people of the "610 Office" never came to see me again, either by phone or other means.

Although I posted a solemn declaration on Clearwisdom.net immediately after I came to Japan again in 2003, my experience between October 2000 and June 2001 has already become a stain deep in my heart. It has also formed a very strong attachment.

Regarding my past experience as a special agent. I know myself that it is a shameful stain. I felt overwhelming shame for what I had done. The dark minions also took advantage of this attachment and enhanced it, which made me feel very anguished in my heart whenever I recalled what I did during that period. They did not let me think. When I broke the hard shell, and really searched inward to find the source of that pain, I found that the pain was not part of me and, actually, it was nothing. It was the dark minions that bothered me. It was a me formed by karma and bad thoughts that felt anguished. When I let go of this attachment, I really felt very calm and did not have any feeling of anguish at all.

The other day, I saw Clearwisdom.net posted Teacher's Fa taught at the 2004 New York Fa Conference. In the lecture, Teacher told us, "Today is Easter, the day of a god's resurrection!" ("Teaching the Fa at the 2004 New York Fa Conference at Easter"). I feel my genuine godly side is also resurrected today. Without Teacher's merciful help, there is no way I could have made it through to today.

1. "610 Office" an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over each level of administration in the Party and all other political and judiciary systems
2. 500 Yuan is the average monthly income for an urban worker in China