(Clearwisdom.net)
Part 1: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2004/8/1/50907.html
Part 2: http://www.clearwisdom.net/emh/articles/2004/8/13/51323.html
We know all these incidences were tests of our frame of mind. This is especially true of my mother. Whenever she felt discomfort, my father would try to release her misery with a non-practitioner's approach. She didn't refuse father's help. She also acted like a sick person unconsciously. During our experience sharing with her, she always complained about her discomforts. She even had the thought that Teacher wasn't taking care of her. We kept sharing experiences with her, sending righteous thoughts together and reading repeatedly the paragraphs in "Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference, 2003:"
"Some of our students have indeed experienced situations that aren't right. But I'll tell you, in most cases it can be attributed to two reasons. One has to do with new students: your cultivation process is merged with your Fa-validation process, and in order for you to catch up, your personal cultivation accompanies your validating the Fa, and both of them progress simultaneously. The other reason is that you're being interfered with. When you're interfered with you can't always think, 'I have to destroy whoever is interfering with me, no one can interfere with me.' (People laugh) Why don't you stop and think about it: Why is someone interfering with you? Why is it able to interfere with you? Is it because you have an attachment, or because you have something you can't let go of? Why don't you look at yourself? The true reason lies with you yourself, and that's the only reason it can exploit your gap! Don't you have Master watching over you? Even when an ordinary person shouts out 'Falun Dafa is good' today, Master will protect him, since he's shouted those words I can't not protect him amidst the evil. And how much more so am I protecting you cultivators! In some isolated cases some students really did come down with an incurable disease. But think about it, so many people who had severe health problems or incurable diseases before they learned the Fa became well after learning Dafa, so why is it that some students on the other hand can't make things work? Is it that Dafa makes distinctions among sentient beings? Is it that I, your Master, treat students differently? I really have to ask you: Are you truly cultivating? Have you truly followed Dafa's requirements? Are you clarifying the facts with the human mindset of disagreeing with the persecution of Falun Gong, or are you validating the Fa and saving sentient beings truly from the standpoint of a Dafa disciple? Yes, the old forces have arranged for some people to get in, but why is it that most people can handle things now but you can't? Haven't I taught the Fa to you?!"
"When problems arise, when something doesn't feel right, you have to look at yourself! Look at where you were wrong and allowed the evil to exploit your gaps. If you were wrong you should recognize it and do better. Don't forget, you are all Fa-rectification period Dafa disciples! You came to validate the Fa! Cultivation is hard, and the evil is more evil while you are validating Dafa. Those who can make it through are bound to be Kings of sentient beings."
Tears were all over my face as I read to this point. Teacher not only cherishes each and every sentient being but also treats the whole universe with immense compassion. How can we truly understand the essence of his compassion? Teacher has taught us that if one is not a true cultivator it will be hard to pass any tribulation.
From what happened to my mother, I saw my own cultivation problems. Some are quite basic. When facing a life and death situation, which part of us is in control: our uncultivated thoughts or our cultivated side? Shall we follow Teacher persistently or behave like those mentioned in Zhuan Falun:
"Some people's main consciousnesses aren't strong, and so they go along with the thought-karma and do bad things. They're done for, and they fall."
Nothing is more serious than cultivation. Do we treat ourselves like true cultivators and thus change our human concepts formed over thousands of years in human history? If we walk righteously, nothing can stop us in our cultivation.
Mother became more and more attached to her physical condition. She often needed to be reminded to study the Fa [great law, universal principle] and send righteous thoughts. I shared with her my experience of a hunger strike that had taken place two years earlier. I told her as long as one persists in righteous thoughts, one can overcome any tribulation. She felt better after listening to my sharing but still couldn't completely let go of her attachment. Eleven days after she came home from the hospital, father asked many people to persuade her to go back. Finally, mother said, "I wanted to follow my daughter's advice." I kept sending righteous thoughts without uttering a word. After all those people left, I told mother, "I have treated you as a Dafa practitioner, can you treat yourself as a true Dafa practitioner? This is a serious matter." I was able to detect the intention of the dark minions. They'll try to wear down your righteous thoughts and beliefs until they are gone and you start to have doubts about Teacher and Dafa. Eventually, you would be totally destroyed by them. Seeing mother's depressed appearance, I asked myself what I should do to re-establish her righteous thoughts.
Surrounded by so many people trying to persuade her, mother compromised despite my constant reminder by her side. I knew that if she could persist in her practice of Falun Dafa, she would experience the state that Teacher described, "the shade of willows, the blooms of flowers, a place to rest my head." As the ambulance arrived, mother said tearfully, "I am sorry I did this to Teacher and to Dafa." I felt sad when father helped mother board the ambulance. I blamed myself for failing in my responsibility. With a feeling of all my previous efforts being wasted, I told myself that I'd need to be firm in my righteous thoughts.
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