(Clearwisdom.net) One evening, my husband (also a practitioner) suddenly said to me, "I dreamed a horrible scene: There were two of you looking exactly the same; one was lying down and the other was standing. There were several people behind the 'you' that was standing; those people and the standing 'you' were persecuting the 'you' that was lying down. I walked up and took a closer look; and the 'you' that was lying down looked awful with a pale white face; it looked like the lying down 'you' had been persecuted to the brink of death. I wanted to help and tried to pull this 'you' up from the ground, but it was very difficult, as if something was blocking my effort."
I was shocked upon hearing that! What a horrible dream it was! Am "I" participating in the persecution of "myself?"
"You really need to think this over," my husband continued. "I think the 'you' that was participating in the persecution is made of your postnatal notions."
I fell into silence. Scenes with the two of "me" flashed in my mind one after another:
- Every morning when I wake up with eyes still blurry, one says, "Get up and practice the exercise!" The other one says, "Forget it, I will have more energy when I have enough sleep. I can work better this way! Or, I can practice the exercise in the evening."
- When I want to study the Fa (the principles and teachings of Falun Dafa), one says, "Make best use of the time and concentrate!" The other says, "There are still so many things that need to be taken care of; it won't be too late to study afterwards!"
- When sending forth righteous thoughts, one says, "I must focus and hold righteous thoughts in the heart." The other says, "There are still a few loose ends that need be worked out. It's okay to delay a bit for sending forth righteous thoughts."
- When clarifying the truth to people, one says, "Don't miss anyone who has the predestined relationship; tell them as much as possible!" The other says, "It's okay, they may have already heard. There are so many Dafa practitioners, and they can all speak better than I can; besides I have so many other things to do!"
- When working on Dafa projects, one says, "I need to do more, other practitioners are already carrying heavy loads!" The other says, "There are so many practitioners, one less won't matter!"
- When I want to write articles to expose the evil, one says, "Hurry up and write it so the evil can be exposed." The other says, "There are so many other articles already written by practitioners with good writing skills. I should not even attempt with my limited ability!"
Just like that, the two "me's" have been in conflict and fighting with each other during the past few years. I have struggled in agony and followed whatever side of "me" won the arguments.
How frightening! Unknowingly, I had treated these postnatal notions as my own thoughts. It has been seven years since I started practicing Falun Dafa, yet I am still not diligent in my practice and I am still dominated by these acquired notions and cannot tell them apart from my true thoughts. It is just like what Teacher said in the article "For Whom Do You Exist?"
"The most difficult things for people to abandon are their notions. Some people cannot change, even if they have to give up their lives for fake principles. Yet notions are themselves acquired postnatally. People always believe that these unshakable ideas--ideas that can make them pay any price without a second thought--are their own thoughts. Even when they see the truth they reject it. In fact, other than a person's innate purity and innocence, all notions are acquired postnatally and are not a person's actual self.
If these acquired notions become too strong, their role will reverse by dictating a person's true thinking and behavior. At this point, that person might still think that they are his own ideas. This is the case for almost all contemporary people."
I was awakened! How could I let those notions dictate, corrupt, and persecute the real me? I remember I used to be much more diligent before the persecution started. Later on, however, I enlightened along the wrong path when I left the forced labor camp. Although I realized the seriousness of my actions and I tried to make up for it, I still fall short by a wide margin. During the period of over a year when I was being persecuted, although the real "me" did not forget that I was a practitioner and I had never given up cultivation during the past seven years, I was completely covered by layer after layer of filthy thoughts. During the period of time when I was forcibly brainwashed, the thought karma and postnatal notions controlled me; and many bad things filled my head. When one righteous thought emerged, it was immediately attacked by wave after wave of thought karma, various attachments, and notions. Of course, when my righteous thoughts were strong, the evil was really nothing; "a small finger is more than enough to crush it." (Zhuan Falun) Just like when I wanted to write this article, as soon as I had the thought, there were immediately numerous trivial matters that needed to be taken care of, and some of them were totally unexpected. But I would not follow the deviated notions anymore. I knew if I put the notions aside, they would eventually dissolve into nothing. I was determined to put this on paper so that the false "me," which is made of notions, would be exposed. I must resist the persecution from within until the end, and I must renew my divine side!
Finally, I would like to review with fellow practitioners the ending of Teaching the Fa on Easter 2004, at the New York Fa Conference:
"During this persecution every Dafa disciple has become clearheaded and rational. Back when I'd just started to impart the Fa, as I looked at the people in the audience, I was thinking about something. At the time, those people's heads had few righteous thoughts in them, and it was even rare for them to have their true, own thoughts. Human beings are influenced by all kinds of ideas out in society, and with their postnatal concepts they form fixed ideas about various things in the human world. And what's more, some outside factors control and interfere with people. That's the kind of beings I faced back then. At that time when many students said, "Dafa is great," they weren't sincere, and some people had some doubts about the huge changes their bodies were going through. As I looked at those beings, I would think to myself, "Can they do it? Will they be able to come out of that state they're in?" And then there were factors in their cultivation path that would bring interference to their cultivation and my Fa-rectification. How hard that was! Back then I thought about this all the time. But now I'm not worried about those things anymore. Those Dafa disciples who have made it through the persecution, I'll tell you, they've become more and more coolheaded and more and more aware of what they're doing, their righteous thoughts are getting ever stronger, and their awareness is increasingly clear. Not only have I stopped worrying about those things, I'm even happy to see the state you're in. (Enthusiastic applause) These beings have truly become aware, and their lives are now in the hands of their own righteous thoughts. On top of that, they're beings that are cultivating themselves in the Fa-rectification and who are clear about the paths they want to take and clear about the goal and meaning of their existence. How extraordinary. So looking at the present situation, I don't worry about anything now, and I know that the further we go the better you will do. In validating the Fa, you are the ones who've come up with many of the ideas, and you've resolved many a problem yourselves. And with validating the Fa, you are thinking about how to do well validating the Fa, this most magnificent task, and Dafa disciples the world over are thinking about their shared tasks. You're all cooperating together, discussing, and debating and analyzing things with each other to come up with the best approaches. Whatever the case, this is Dafa disciples' unique way of cultivating, and it's something history has never had before. (Applause)
Today is Easter, the day of a god's resurrection! (Enthusiastic applause) This is all I'll say today. On this special, glorious day, may Dafa disciples' divine sides also be resurrected!" (Long period of enthusiastic applause)
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