(Clearwisdom.net)
Practitioners have published many experience sharing articles regarding fear, which have inspired me a great deal. Below I want to share my own experiences and thoughts. I believe that if what we fear most is missing the opportunity to be saved by Dafa, we will then have nothing to fear.
The April 25 incident happened not long after I learned Dafa. I was a person who was not afraid of any person or things. From then until June, 2001, when I was illegally sent to a forced labor camp, all talks, group discussions, laying off, relocation, and the subsequent arrests, home ransacking, detentions, fines, and forced brainwashing did not affect my determination to cultivate in Dafa. I had only one thought: By no means would I give up such a righteous Fa, especially since I had attained it so late. But because I did not study the Fa enough, I did not know how to cultivate, let alone how to deal with the persecution. All I did was to persist with a human being's courage out of a strong attachment.
I would not give up Dafa, but I did not know I should give up my attachment either. This in reality created the opportunity for the evil to persecute me. As I was unable to restrict the evil in other dimensions, it controlled people to persecute me repeatedly and at will. They would come to my house according to their liking, leaving me with no sense of security. As time went on, my courage waned, and the fear began. Although I continued to study Dafa and tell people the facts about Dafa, I was always fearful of being caught. Later I would panic when I heard anyone knocking on the door. In the end I had to move to a relative's house. Even though I studied Dafa while I was hiding, I was still scared. Studying Dafa without cultivating your heart, you are not a true practitioner, and thus are in danger. But the evil would not let me go so easily. They sentenced me to two years of forced labor in my absence. Later they arrested my daughter and used her to entrap me, and put me into the forced labor camp.
Because I learned Dafa later than many others, I did not know too many practitioners. While in the forced labor camp, I met many of them and I tended to follow those who seemed to be practicing well. In the beginning I refused to be "transformed." But my attachment of looking at role models was noticed. A "role model" who had more years of education and had begun cultivation very early succumbed to the pressure. I followed her example and wrote "the three letters." Fortunately I did not give up Dafa. I realized that to "transform" was a mistake. Although I was too afraid to make it public I did write declarations to nullify my earlier actions. Probably because of this little bit of righteous thoughts that remained in me, Teacher helped me and they released me and let me go home after two months.
When I was released I began to spend a lot of time studying Dafa. I also published a statement to nullify my previous wrong actions. It was only at this point that I learned what it means to elevate one's xinxing. But my attachment of fear and other things were still very strong, not to mention learning to have compassion and be kind. I was arrested again when I went to distribute Dafa materials. This time I kept thinking about Teacher's Fa, and looked inward for my own deficiencies. Not being intimated by evil's threats and not cooperating with them, I was released that same night.
From then on, I was not so fearful as before, although I still had a lot of different attachments. My xinxing almost did not change. Because I did not heed it even when Teacher gave me all sorts of hints, the evil took advantage of the gaps in my understanding again. During the "two CCP conferences" period they put me in a forced labor camp again. This time it was again my most respected "role model" who dragged me down. I agreed to ignore everything else except for "Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance." But when I found that she wanted me to give up even "Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance," I refused. In the meantime, I knew what I should be doing. I went home four months later when the term of forced labor ended. I wrote a nullifying statement and returned to Fa-rectification cultivation. Recalling what had happened in the past, the process of learning these hard lessons was extremely painful for me.
My workplace withheld my wages during the time I was in the forced labor camp. They told me that I had to write a report clarifying my position before I could get paid. Some practitioners refused and they did not get paid or were laid off. I thought to myself: if I were going to write, I would write down the facts of Falun Gong. It was actually a good opportunity for me. A few days later, my company delivered my wages to me and did not ask me to write anything. They consoled me over what had happened, and promised to study my request for the back wages. This time I had better appreciation and realized that the best way to get rid of the fear is to maintain the Fa in my heart.
In the last two years, I felt that I have matured a great deal from my cultivation in the Fa-rectification process. I have been doing the three things that Teacher said that we need to do, and eliminated a lot of my attachments. After a great deal of Fa study (repeatedly reading through Zhuan Falun and then reading through all Teacher's lectures after July 20), I made my heart clearer and clearer and my capacity bigger and bigger. Dafa cleared my heart and changed my physical condition dramatically.
I truly feel Teacher's immeasurable benevolence, and the righteousness and greatness of the Fa. It is beyond descriptions by any words. Compared to Dafa, whatever we are afraid that we might lose is nothing. Nothing is more horrible than the potential of losing Dafa. When I had this thought in mind, everything around me changed. Doing the three things is no longer as difficult. The key is that I realized that as long as our minds are on Dafa, we will always be the safest. All goodness comes from Dafa. To get rid of fearfulness, one must study the Fa more and assimilate to the Fa.
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Category: Improving Oneself
