(Clearwisdom.net) I would like to report to Teacher my cultivation progress over the past year. I will also share my experiences with fellow practitioners.
1) Letting go of lust and desire
A year ago, my husband (not a practitioner) moved out of town because of his job. He couldn't come home often. I thought that this was a good thing. We did not have to see each other everyday and I would not be distracted by sexual desire. But it did not work out that way. Since we saw each other only once every month or two, when we were together, my desire became even stronger.
During Fa study, Teacher hinted that I had too much qing to my husband. Like Teacher said in Zhuan Falun:
"Cultivation practice must take place through tribulations so as to test whether you can part with and care less about different kinds of human sentimentality and desires. If you are attached to these things, you will not succeed in cultivation... If this sentimentality is not relinquished, you will be unable to practice cultivation. If you are free from this sentimentality, nobody can affect you. An everyday person's mind will be unable to sway you. What takes over in its place is benevolence, which is something more noble."
"Everything belongs to sentimentality, and everyday people just live for it. Then, as a practitioner and one who rises above and beyond, one should not use this approach to judge things, and one should break away from them. Therefore, as to the many attachments that come from sentimentality, we should take them lightly and eventually abandon them. Desires, lust, and things of these sorts are all human attachments, and all of them should be given up."
Whenever I had desires, I would recite the above paragraphs from Teacher's book. Now, a year later, I can feel that my desire has been gradually relinquished and forgotten. After I let go of my strong desire, my husband began to praise me in front of his school friends and relatives. He said that I brought good fortune to him and that I am the source of his greatest joy in life. Although now we are not always together, he can stay clear from troubles and temptations and he lives his life by high principles. I know that Dafa's mighty power has made him a better person. It is like Teacher said, "'The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.'" (Zhuan Falun)
2) Having compassion and tolerance towards my daughter
My daughter is also a Dafa disciple. When I clarify the truth to other people, I always remind myself to be compassionate and tolerant. However, I am unable to maintain good xinxing when dealing with my own daughter. Whenever my daughter's school work is not satisfactory, or when she is being naughty, I am often unable to control my temper. I know that this is a test to improve my xinxing, but I am still unable to control my temper. Every time after the incident, I feel bad and tell my daughter "Sorry. Mommy did not keep her xinxing standard this time. I should not have treated you that way. I did not have tolerance and compassion."
When I read Zhuan Falun to my daughter and come to the following paragraph:
"Some people will lose their temper in disciplining children and yell at them, making quite a scene. You should not be that way in disciplining children, and neither should you, yourselves get really upset. You should educate children with reason so that you can really teach them well. If you cannot even get over a trifle and lose your temper easily, how can you expect to increase your gong?"
My daughter always says, "Mom, you are like that." I tell her that I do not want to lose my temper and I feel terrible. How come I cannot correct my bad habit?
Recently, I read the following paragraph in Teacher's new article "The Closer to the End, the More Diligent You Should Be",
"But as cultivation is lived out, when the suffering bears down on you and conflicts come up that hit upon the deepest part of you--and especially when it rattles the rigid notions you have--the test is really hard to pass. It can even be to the point that you know full well it's a test but still can't let go of your attachments. What's more, Dafa disciples are cultivating in this "real" world that brims with temptation, so it becomes even more difficult--and even more important--to change those notions."
I have realized that the notions that I have acquired in life are hindering my xinxing advancement and upgrading of my cultivation level.
I closely looked within myself for hidden attachments and realized that I had developed a fear mentality. Because my daughter is a Dafa disciple, I paid close attention to her performance and grades. I was afraid if she did not do well, others may have negative views about Dafa. I also worry that she might be absent-minded and will not achieve good grades. I wish my daughter to be the best in everything she does; only then, can she demonstrate the greatness of Dafa. Sometimes, when I see other kids getting better grades, or their handwriting is better than my daughter's, I feel jealous. I now realize that, although wanting to validate Dafa is a good thing, these attachments should be relinquished.
The Fa rectification is coming to an end and I still have so many attachments. I feel ashamed and unworthy in front of Teacher' compassionate salvation. From now on, I will continue cultivation and abandon my attachments. I will assimilate to Dafa, improve my xinxing and put my best effort in saving sentient beings.
Please correct me if you see anything inappropriate.
October 28, 2005
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
Category: Improving Oneself
