(Clearwisdom.net)
I am a Falun Dafa practitioner in Mainland China. I began cultivation in 1998, and I have practiced Dafa for over seven years. After I studied the Fa more in depth, my life improved and got better. Though I still have many human attachments that I have not yet eliminated, I feel that I should write down some of my cultivation experiences and questions for other practitioners' consideration and reference.
When I started cultivation, I had strong attachments to family and qing. After practicing peacefully for one year (1998 to July 20, 1999), I had a clear understanding of the purpose and meaning of life. I understood that the reason we have difficulties and tribulations in our lives is to pay back karma. Gradually, I stopped blaming God and other people for my tribulations and was able to live peacefully and cease worrying about the minor things in life.
After the persecution started on July 20, 1999, the whole country was terrorized. The CCP started spreading propaganda to slander Falun Gong practitioners. Although I thought I was clear-minded at the time, I didn't know what to do. After constant pressure and threats from my workplace for going to the provincial government to appeal, I wrote a "pledge" promising not to appeal anymore. I became realized later that I should not have given in to the evil, but I had too many attachments and didn't go to Beijing to appeal. Shortly afterwards, when I saw that 36 Western practitioners had come to Tiananmen to validate Dafa, I was moved to tears. I spent some time reflecting and was deeply ashamed that my righteous thoughts were not very strong. Afterwards, I started to walk the path of cultivation and validate Dafa, becoming a genuine practitioner who can genuinely assist Master Li in Fa-rectification.
During the past few years, Master has protected me whenever I distributed materials, posted stickers, or talked to people face to face to clarify the truth. From my initial fearful and apprehensive state to my current calm and rational state, I have removed many attachments. Last year, I set up a small truth materials production site at my home, and I learned how to go online and download, typeset, and print the materials. The site provided us with Master Li's new articles, the Minghui Weekly, and other truth materials. At that time, many material-printing sites operated in our area. We printed large-sized booklets of the "Nine Commentaries on Communist Party" as well as small booklets for easier distribution. We distributed over 100 booklets every day.
We organized a truth-spreading team to spread Dafa and the truth to people in remote, mountainous areas. Though the work was hard, everyone was confident and energetic.
At this time, our local practitioners, mainly those in the truth-spreading teams, formed a Fa-study group. When we worked with each other for a long time, our conflicts and attachments were also gradually exposed. Some practitioners did not talk as politely as before, speaking as if they were above the others and as if the other practitioners should all learn from them. When there were different opinions, they insisted on their own point of view and eventually made the final decisions by themselves. When other practitioners pointed this out to them, they didn't listen sincerely, but instead looked for excuses. One fellow practitioner, who had been separated from his family because of the persecution, developed human mentalities, sentimentality, and bad habits after a long period of homelessness. When conflicts arose, some practitioners could not solve them with a cultivator's mindset, but instead blamed other practitioners, creating gaps between practitioners. They were even careless about the relationships between female and male practitioners, causing misunderstandings for practitioners and their families. When problems emerged, they didn't look inside and reflect, but instead complained that other practitioners were narrow-minded and filthy-minded. Our Fa-study group was full of tension at the time. One practitioner who appeared to be diligent suddenly died in a car accident, and another practitioner who was just released from a forced labor camp was arrested again.
During that period, many practitioners (including me) were interfered with, but we failed to look inside and be guided by Dafa, and we lost our stability. As a result we failed to print truth clarification materials for a short period of time.
Afterwards, a few practitioners studied Dafa together with clear minds and discussed our current condition.
"This instant is precious beyond measure." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Chicago")
We could not afford to delay in validating Dafa. Is anything more urgent for Dafa practitioners than saving sentient beings? The evil would be able to achieve its purpose if we had any internal tensions. Upon realizing this, we all did our parts and formed a unified whole. We resumed making truth materials and reorganized truth material distribution teams. We were back on the right track.
From this incident, I learned that the first priority of practitioners in the Fa-rectification period is to study Dafa and cultivate our hearts. We need to genuinely cultivate ourselves and not just talk about it. We need to search inside whenever we run into any problems, and we should rectify any word, action, or idea that doesn't conform to Dafa. We should not rationalize and try to find excuses for our attachments, and we should genuinely be responsible for Dafa, for sentient beings, and for ourselves. Ancient people once said, "A real man's word is effective and influential." If even ordinary people can do that, then shouldn't Dafa disciples, with the highest rank in the cosmos, be able to do what we say?
My past few years of cultivation have been accompanied by bad human thoughts and selfish thoughts. For example, I was willing to communicate with fellow practitioners who have good relationships with me, but I was not willing to communicate with those who disagreed with me. When I clarified the truth to my colleagues, I would judge them based on my impressions of them because I forgot about my responsibility to save any and all beings. Though I could let go of fame and personal interest, I still felt uncomfortable when I was assigned a job I didn't like. I didn't let go of my qing toward parents and children, and I even longed for attention, care, and protection. Even though I knew clearly that any qing would be a rope that tied me down, I still could not discard or eliminate it.
We are fortunate Dafa practitioners that Master Li has saved from the path to destruction, and our sole responsibility is to validate Dafa and save people. During this great, historical moment, one that will not occur again in thousands of years, we don't have the time or the right to be hobbled by things of the human world. We should carefully follow Master's teachings and take every step well on the path home.
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