(Clearwisdom.net) I started my cultivation practice of Falun Gong in 1996. In the past nine years of cultivation practice, especially the past six years since the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong, I have been treating the Fa as Teacher and continuously identifying and removing my attachments in my family life. Because of Teacher's hints and protection, I have been progressing steadily on my cultivation path while helping with Teacher's Fa-rectification.
The Abrupt Degradation of the Cultivation Environment
As soon as the CCP started its persecution against Falun Gong, the peaceful and harmonious cultivation environment at home was ruined as a result of the nationwide hate propaganda against Falun Gong on the Chinese media. My husband and I started fighting every day to defend our own beliefs. I refused to watch, hear or believe the CCP's vicious propaganda, but my husband accepted every lie about Falun Gong reported on the Chinese media. He stopped at nothing to make me become the victim of the CCP's lies as well. On the good days, I would cite some of the CCP's history of lying and try to talk him out of accepting the CCP's lies in a peaceful and kind manner, but he refused to listen. Instead, he responded with abrasive remarks and incessant nagging.
On the bad days, my competitive side would get the better of me, and I would try to win the fight even if it meant I needed to act tough. I thought, "I don't care what you say about me, but if you dare to insult Falun Gong, I will start a Holy War with you." So I bickered with him as a means to defend Falun Gong. I thought, "I cannot make the TV stop spouting lies, but I will make you stop!"
On the day that CCTV broadcast the staged "Self-Immolation" incident on Tiananmen Square, my husband acted like he had found a real piece of evidence against Falun Gong. He summoned me loudly to go watch the TV report, but I ignored him. Then he ran into the room and ordered me to go watch it in a very loud voice. I became irritated and told him, "I will not believe anything on Chinese television!" My husband was shocked and speechless. I also told him, "Do you even want to run a forced brainwashing center at home?"
One time, a fellow Falun Gong practitioner who was forced to flee from home to avoid further persecution gave me a call and asked me to meet her. I promised to meet her. That night, I told my husband I needed to go on a trip of a few hundred miles. As soon as he heard what I said, he started throwing a tantrum and bickered with me all night long. At around 5:00 a.m. the next day, a fellow practitioner and I got on a bus and traveled for two days and one night. We hardly slept or ate. After I returned home, my husband said a lot of nasty words. I pretended I was dead tired and hit the sack to get some rest.
I rarely tried to understand my husband's thoughts or feelings. In 2001, the police illegally arrested a fellow practitioner I knew. After I heard the news, I hid all my Falun Gong books and Teacher's photographs in a box in order to protect them from the police. Then I left them in the care of a trustworthy colleague at work. I didn't tell my husband anything. I put away a bag of my clothes and personal belongings. I decided that if the police should arrest me, I wouldn't even ask my husband to deliver the things I need to prison.
After my husband learned of the abduction of the fellow practitioner, he told me, "If anything should happen to you, let's get a divorce." I replied curtly, "No problem! I will not become your baggage." Every day I went out to validate Falun Gong, but I responded to the challenges at home like an ordinary person. Sometimes, I wanted to be able to endure my husband's abuse, but I always ended up losing my temper after a while.
During one of our fights, I suddenly felt like hitting my head against the wall to make my husband feel sorry, as I saw his fierce and tenacious look. I was shocked by my idea and suddenly became more clearheaded. I calmed down and asked myself, "Is this the state of mind of a genuine cultivator?" Suddenly I became clearheaded.
Studying the Fa, Cultivating My Heart and Upgrading My Cultivation Level
Teacher said,
"Forbearance is the key to improving one's xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator." ("What is Forbearance (Ren)?" from Essentials for Further Advancement.)
During my ongoing Fa study, I thoroughly searched inward and truly identified my strong attachment to fighting, my demonic nature of selfishness and the wickedness bred from my attachment to self. For a very long time I had covered up these attachments and flaws with my so-called responsibility to protect Falun Gong. As I continued to allow these attachments to breed, protecting Falun Gong became a lost cause. Instead, I have undermined the Fa in a way that an outsider never can. Once I realized what I had done, I was overcome with pain and regret. I resolved to start over and study the Fa more. I decided to behave like a cultivator in my family, rectify myself continuously, and validate the Fa and clarify the truth about Falun Gong by behaving like a good person.
After I identified the obstacles and removed my attachments, I became peaceful and harmonious at heart. I no longer felt anger or resentment towards my husband's behavior. Sometimes I would even try to put myself in his shoes. I could imagine how terrified he must be about the CCP's persecution against Falun Gong because his family had suffered from severe persecution during the CCP's Cultural Revolution. For things that my husband had misunderstandings about, I no longer argued with him directly. Instead, I would find a solution that he could accept. While eliminating the evil elements from other dimensions that were manipulating my husband to say nasty things about Falun Gong, I tried to communicate with him in many different ways. I addition, I did my share of the housework well and consulted with my husband before I jumped into action. Gradually, we began to talk to each other more and I was able to share my thoughts about Falun Gong with him.
One time I decided to visit my relatives in a farming village and invited my husband to come along. On our way home, I told him cultivation stories of fellow practitioners. He was deeply moved by these stories. Once when he returned home after seeing a friend off, he told me happily, "Someone gave me a copy of some Falun Gong truth-clarification materials and told me that I must be a kindhearted person judging by my face." I replied with a smile, "Indeed. You are a good person but you have not learned the truth about Falun Gong. That's why Falun Gong practitioners wish to save you."
In our family life, I require myself to keep righteous thoughts at all times and deliver positive messages to my husband so as to form a benevolent cycle of communication and to build a righteous family atmosphere. I continue to eliminate my attachment to various types of qing and strive to assimilate to the Fa in each and every thought. With the kindness and compassion I have obtained from my cultivation practice, I try to tolerate and understand everything and everyone around me. Once during a light conversation, my husband told me, "It appears that nothing can upset you now." I replied, "I have been cultivating in Falun Gong for so many years. If I can be easily irritated, what is the use of cultivation?" He said, "That's right."
While I continue to upgrade my cultivation level, I also witnessed my husband's transformation. Our family life became harmonious and peaceful and my husband began to understand and approve of my truth-clarification work. One day when I went out, I noticed there were four sheets of Falun Gong truth-clarification material littered on the ground in the building, so I picked them up. After we returned home, my husband asked me what I had picked up from the ground. I showed them to him and said, "It is a waste to throw away such wonderful truth-clarification materials. Falun Gong practitioners save money to make them by leading a very frugal life."
I used an eraser to wipe off the traces of dirt and inserted the flyers in envelopes. Next I wrote on the envelope, "It is your good fortune to obtain this and a predestined relationship to read it. Be kind to Falun Gong and you will be blessed with good fortune and peace." My husband laughed and commented, "You are very resourceful. These materials are good. Why don't you get some?" Sometimes when Teacher published a new article, I would become busy delivering the new article to fellow practitioners. My husband would buy a lot of takeout dishes and told me, "It looks like you will be busy for a few days. I have bought takeout food to save you some time." I truly appreciate his thoughtfulness from the bottom of my heart.
Recently, a new Falun Gong practitioner failed to upgrade her xinxing in the face of obstacles. Another fellow practitioner came and told me about it. I felt it was necessary for me to go help the new practitioner. It was after 3:00 p.m. when I left home. She lived far away and it took me nearly two hours to travel to and from her home. I didn't think much before I got on the bicycle and left with the fellow practitioner. When I returned home, I was already late for making dinner. I explained what happened to my husband, but surprisingly he said, "You have done a right thing to help her upgrade." Next he shared his thoughts on this issue and he talked as though he was a Falun Gong practitioner. I told him, "You have a good understanding. When she calls on us next time, why don't you share your thoughts with her?" He agreed graciously and said, "No problem." I am truly happy to see my husband's transformation.
My husband and I have positioned ourselves correctly in our family life. We can now understand each other and speak the same language. We both upgrade our morality at different levels. It is our predestined relationship that brought us together. In order to help us return to our true homes, our family members have suffered and contributed a lot as well. We must free ourselves from the degenerated circle of human thoughts and cherish the millions of years of waiting so as to bring hope to sentient beings. We shouldn't select an environment just to suit ourselves. Instead, we should unconditionally search inward when we find ourselves in an adverse environment. We should create a favorable cultivation environment with our righteous thoughts and actions. With the kindness and compassion we have obtained from our cultivation practice, we shall completely disintegrate the evil elements' interference. By manifesting the appearance of Falun Gong practitioners, we will leave mankind with a righteous path to godhood.
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