(Clearwisdom.net) In the past when I studied Master's article "Towards Consummation," I always felt good about myself and thought that I didn't have any fundamental attachments. I thought the reason for me to cultivate Dafa was that Dafa was what I had been looking for. As a result, I never seriously looked within for any fundamental attachments.
Several years passed and I kept feeling that there was a "mountain" on my path of cultivation. I could not get rid of it regardless of how hard I tried. My cultivation situation was alarming to me, as it was very hard for me to calm down when studying the Fa or doing the exercises. It bothered me a lot, but I thought this was normal for my "cultivation state."
Several things that happened recently woke me up. I started to look within myself and at my cultivation and review what initially led me to cultivate.
I was very pessimistic when I was little. I always thought that life was about suffering. Later I thought that love was the only way out of the suffering. However, I failed several times in trying to establish such a relationship. I thought about suicide or of leaving home to become a nun. I cried everyday, thinking that life was full of too much suffering. Luckily, I found Dafa. I felt that I had finally found the way to get rid of the suffering in my life. I came to Dafa with this attachment. I finally found my fundamental attachment, which was that I wanted to avoid suffering. I started cultivating in order to avoid suffering in the human world.
My attachment was that I was not willing to endure any suffering. That was why I found the brainwashing propaganda reasonable when I listened to it in the detention center. This was in line with my attachment to seeking personal comfort. That was why I was "transformed" so easily. Of course, that I did not study the Fa well was another reason. With such a fundamental attachment, how could I study the Fa well? This also explained why I still had strong attachments to fear and why I could not totally step forward to validate Dafa. I was afraid of being arrested and enduring suffering again.
This also explained why, even after I had cultivated for so long, I still could not face criticism. I always felt thrown off by and argued against any criticism. On the other hand, when others praised me, I felt very good, since it was in keeping with my notions. Such notions impacted my studying the Fa and doing the exercises. I even wasted my time on frivolous activities instead of spending that precious time saving people. This was totally against cultivation standards and against my responsibilities as a Dafa cultivator. How could I do the three things well with such notions?
When other practitioners were doing the three things well, I was bogged down by my human notions and pursuits. What an impure heart I had. I only wanted to obtain benefits from Dafa. I yearned for human desires and forgot my responsibilities in this human world. This was not what a Dafa practitioner's thoughts and behaviors should be.
When I was lost in my human notions, a married man praised me and wanted to date me, and my heart was moved. This set off an alarm bell within me, and I started to look inward to understand how I could be moved by such an immoral request. Although I refused him on the surface, why did I feel so disappointed to let such a feeling go after so many years of cultivation? Was it simply because I did not let go of qing? I felt troubled and asked for help from fellow practitioners. After studying the Fa and strengthening my righteous thoughts with my fellow practitioners' help, I gradually overcame the attachment.
At that point, a fellow practitioner was arrested. This woke me up and I started to look inward. I was shocked when I found my fundamental attachment. How could I do Dafa work well with such a giant omission? How could such an attachment not be taken advantage of by the evil? Why did I not realize such an attachment earlier? How could I have such an impure heart? What other attachments did I have?
When I was feeling really regretful, I read a practitioner's article "Human Beings or Immortals?" on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website. The article truly woke me up. I realized that I would lose my precious opportunity if I didn't correct this, which means I would not only do a disservice to myself and the sentient beings in my world, but I would also be unworthy of our great, benevolent Master's salvation. I was wrong once, yet Master did not give up on me. I must do well from now on.
Looking more deeply inward, I found that all these mistakes were caused by my not studying the Fa well. Once I found my fundamental attachment and the reason why I had ignored my fundamental attachment for so long, I could feel the "mountain" on my cultivation path shrinking. I now believe that I can eliminate such a mountain. I am not afraid of enduring suffering any more, and my attachment to fear is shrinking. My righteous thoughts are strengthening, and all my human notions are disappearing. As a Dafa practitioner, we should be able to let go of the attachment of life and death. What else can we not let go of? I will do well the three things Master told us Dafa disciples to do. I must be worthy of Master's benevolent salvation, and I must not let the sentient beings in my world down.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.
Category: Improving Oneself
