(Clearwisdom.net) I did some CCP membership development work after I graduated from the college. I was so poisoned by the Party culture that I lost my moral values and the normal ability to think. I was very muddle-headed. My colleague introduced Falun Dafa to me, but I did not care that much. Several months later, I was suddenly eager to learn, and went to the practice site the next morning. The volunteer assistants at the site were all very nice, and they led me study the Fa.
Experience Seeking Inward and Solid Cultivation
I didn't have any idea how to cultivate except that I was to read Zhuan Falun often, and listen to the teaching tapes.
One morning, I was walking to the group practice site from home, and I said to myself, "I am going to try not to think during the next five minutes. Shockingly, there were more than one hundred thoughts that surfaced in my mind during that time. I came to understand that I needed to eliminate the more than one hundred thoughts that did not listen to my mind's request. I needed to clean away all thoughts that did not obey my wish by measuring them with Falun Dafa. Gradually, I found my shortcomings and began to change myself internally. I had bad thought karma. Foul language kept coming up in my mind for about 1-2 years, and I kept eliminating it.
I became more and more efficient in catching the notions before they surfaced, therefore eliminating them. I used to joke around with my fellow practitioners saying, "You are seeking attachments to get rid of, while my attachments just keep surfacing wave after wave, and I never need to look for them.
I used to talk very frankly, and did not care if others could bear it or how they felt. Some fellows told me, "What you said is true, but I do not like the way you said it." I always did things at a fast pace, so I easily missed details when I did projects.
It was rather interesting when I had to cooperate with a very detailed fellow practitioner. He often helped temper my mind nature. For instance, we had ten things that needed to be done in one day, and he didn't finish the ten things because he was a perfectionist. This made me very angry inside. The method to deal with my anger was that I tried not to talk, even though I felt my heart ache. When he spoke, he talked to me in a very gentle and slow manner. I dared not answer him, because I knew I would hurt him once I opened my mouth. As long as I could stay silent, the fire inside would put itself out. In fact, to finish our tasks in a peaceful, detailed, and efficient manner went hand in hand with our xinxing cultivation.
Another fellow practitioner was very highly thought of by all of us, because he dealt with Falun Dafa tasks very steadily, was very precise, and everyone appreciated his kindness and liked listening to him. I found much deviation and non-benevolent things within me when I was doing Dafa work together with these two fellows. Although we still have conflicts and differing opinions, we were all looking inside, upgrading xinxing, and we were soon able to maintain a one-body harmony.
One time a fellow practitioner told me about how another fellow had exposed some shortcomings such as showing off, not caring enough about others, etc. I listened very quietly, and quickly found that I myself had those deeply hidden shortcomings. As soon as I found them, they were quickly removed.
Thoughts on Studying the Fa
One time a lady said, "Why is it that I cannot help but question Master's teachings?" I said, "The key is what standards you used to question him- if you were using postnatal notions, this is exactly the kind of thing we need to eliminate. When I study the Fa, I cleanse off all that is conflicting with the Fa, and seek my shortcomings. I know I am changing to become a better person. For example, I never thought of others before I cultivated, but now I have changed completely."
For a period of time, I noticed that I did read the Fa calmly. Even though my eyes were looking and my mouth was reading, I still felt that there was a blockage between the Fa and me. I then tried to read the Fa one sentence at a time, and then repeat the sentence until I felt that I got it. Then I moved on to the next sentence. I did not think about how to enlighten to the higher truth that Master taught intentionally. I just kept calm and got rid of the bad things whenever I discovered any. I knew I was changing while I was studying the Fa.
When the evil locked me in a brainwashing class, I simply recited the Fa and sought out attachments. The evil used up all of their tricks, but they never worked on me. I had one thought about the evil behind those villains, "If you are creditors of debts I owe, I will pay you with benevolent resolution in the future. If you still torture me like this and interfere with my work in helping Master's Fa-rectification, I will have to eliminate all of you." Once a lady asked me, "Why are you not scared of death?" I said, "I do not have the concept of death in my mind."
I still have many deviated thoughts within. I have learned from cultivation to study the Fa, find my own shortcomings, and seek inward amidst conflicts, rather than outward.
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