(Clearwisdom.net) I have encountered a problem during my recent trips to Manhattan. Fewer and fewer people accepted truth-clarification materials from me. I repeatedly looked inward to search for the cause. I finally found the root cause when I came across the following passage of the Fa.
Teacher said, "In cultivation and practice one should be in a state free of intention. As long as you focus on cultivating your xinxing, you will make breakthroughs in your level and certainly get things you deserve. If you cannot give something up, isn't it an attachment?" (Zhuan Falun.)
Although I am a relatively new Falun Gong practitioner, I have been diligent in my cultivation practice. I have been very diligent in the Fa study and even more diligent in doing truth-clarification work. Things went well when I first started to distribute truth-clarification materials on the streets of Manhattan. Many fellow practitioners mentioned that I distributed more truth-clarification materials than others. After a while, I developed an attachment to fame and self-complacency. I started to feel I was better with the truth-clarification work than other practitioners. When fewer and fewer people in Manhattan accepted the truth-clarification materials, I looked inward and found some of my attachments. For example, I had an attachment to competitiveness. I would check if anyone else could distribute the truth-clarification materials more quickly. I also had an attachment to doing things. I was very anxious to distribute more truth-clarification materials to satisfy my selfish desire for fame and accomplishment. I tried to adjust my mentality, but the situation did not improve much, for I still had an attachment to distribute more truth-clarification materials than others.
I also discovered that people often refused to take the truth-clarification materials from me when I thought in my mind, "I want to save you." After a thorough self-examination, I realized what I was "really" thinking in my mind. I was thinking, "I want to save you because I want you to take the truth-clarification material." However, I should have been thinking, "I want you to take the truth-clarification material because I want to save you." I wasn't altruistically thinking of people's best interests. I was thinking about winning the competition of distributing the truth-clarification materials. In other words, I was not thoroughly sincere or pure when I offered people our materials.
In addition, when I looked inward to search for the cause within, I prioritized the upgrading of my personal cultivation practice over saving the world's people. I felt bad about my low character, not about people who haven't learned or accepted the truth about Falun Gong. Teacher said:
"You are a cultivator, so you need to have mighty-virtue. And where does your mighty-virtue come from? Doesn't it come from letting go of self and being selfless in this grueling environment, and being completely responsible to the Fa as a Dafa disciple? Isn't that, itself, mighty-virtue? And what's more, you did it in a grueling environment. The more you put you first or mix in [factors of] self, the less mighty-virtue you have, and that's why it is less likely that you succeed at things or do them well. Dafa's things should be the most sacred, and that's why the less you have of your own notions and involve your own factors, the better you can handle them and the more likely you are to succeed." ("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students")
Teacher is so right! I had such a strong attachment to validating myself. I carried many personal notions and factors when I distributed truth-clarification materials. No wonder fewer and fewer people wanted to take the materials from me. I hope that my past wrongs will be a lesson to other fellow practitioners.
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