(Clearwisdom.net)

Since beginning the practice of Falun Dafa, I have had a relatively peaceful environment. The operation of the materials production site has been very smooth, although my family didn't understand and had some complaints. The real persecution seemed far away from me until one day, the peace was broken.

One day we heard that a practitioner was arrested. The next day, another practitioner was abducted. Then came the third and the fourth. I became somewhat uneasy though not too nervous. I wasn't too familiar with these practitioners and had barely had any contact with them. I still operated the materials production site as usual and regularly distributed the materials to other places.

Two weeks later, a practitioner named Xiao Yu, who had kept in touch with me frequently, was suddenly missing. The telephone to her home did not go through and also no one answered her cell phone. I made a phone call to her father's home. The old man said she was not in. "Did she go out?" I asked cautiously. "She was abducted!" he replied.

I was shocked. I had never thought of this possibility before. I always believed that she was very safe. We had just seen each other yesterday. If she was being tracked, didn't it mean that I must have been exposed, too? At that moment I felt like the danger was closing in.

"I must go back home. There are so many truth clarification materials and I must move them immediately." I took a deep breath and calmed down. Carrying my bag, I called a cab and went straight home.

Since there was no one with whom I could discuss this, with Xiao Yu being arrested and myself not knowing other practitioners personally, I could now only depend on myself. I kept on sending forth righteous thoughts on the road and asked Master for help, "A disciple ran into some tribulations. Master, please help me!" I continuously kept these thoughts, yet my heart was beating hard.

"I have to find a safe place first." I was planning while walking. I recalled that a friend of mine had just moved to new place and the old place was still vacant. I found his office. After I explained my purpose, my friend was very straightforward. "No problem, it's empty anyway," he said, and gave me the key.

As soon as I got back home I started to wrap things up immediately. There were too many items and there were materials in nearly every corner. Over the past couple of days I had bought a great deal of supplies so as not to be out of stock. Seeing that big pile of compact discs, the paper, as well as the packing materials, I somewhat regretted my purchases, "Had I not been so hasty, things wouldn't be in such a mess." Later, after this incident, I realized that having bought these supplies was done just at the right time.

I took out the luggage and rearranged the things by categories. There is a picture of Master on my desk. Every day when I was studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I always felt that Master was taking care of me. That was my most joyful time. Whenever I encountered a difficulty, I would seek help from Master and the problems were all easily taken care of. On the cultivation path, every single step forward or any of my improvements was because of Master's merciful protection. But now, it seemed this peaceful life was going to be soon shattered and I had no idea what was awaiting me.

One box of CDs was already opened and there were about thirty CDs left. I decided to complete making these CDs. After these CDs were completed, I had almost finished packing my things and started to move.

The suitcase was very big and I filled it up quite full. On going out, I realized that I had neglected considering its weight - it was too heavy. I couldn't even stand straight while holding one bag, and I staggered downstairs. I didn't dare to go out through the main entrance. Instead I went through several bypasses. In a quiet alley I called a cab. Even now I can still recall that experience quite well. It took me quite a few dozen minutes to walk several hundred meters. Every step was very difficult, however, I was too nervous to think about it. As soon as I arrived at the storage place and had put down the

suitcase, I immediately returned back home, picked up another bag, went downstairs and called a cab. I went through this process five times. The old man guarding the gate asked me, "Are you moving out?"

After the moving was done, my whole body was running out of energy. I was lying down on a sofa, but my mind couldn't remain at peace. I sat up and turned on the computer and wrote a letter to one of my overseas friends. This is the practitioner who had introduced the Fa to me, which had led me to start practicing Falun Dafa. Although I have never met him and don't know where he is, I've always been appreciative. I just briefly described the situation here. Though I was in extreme fear, I was not willing to reveal too much. But I wanted to tell him that no matter what happened, I would not give up and would forever follow our Master. I wanted to tell him that if there should be no information about me for a long period of time, he should be able to make a prudent assumption.

The next day I became calmer and did not indulge in flights of fancy. I thought about what I should do. I took out some pre-recorded compact discs and prepared to distribute them that night. "Doesn't the evil just use the issue of life or death to scare me? I insist on going on and doing what I am supposed to do. I must complete the path that I recognize and chose." I thus encouraged myself.

At noon I went to my parents' house to eat. At around one o'clock, a fellow practitioner whom I had recently become acquainted with, took a risk and telephoned me. His whereabouts have been under strict surveillance. We use a special way of contacting each other. He told me that some practitioners were abducted the previous night at around 2:00 a.m. I said, "Yes, Xiao Yu had also been abducted." He said, "These few were all in contact with Xiao Yu. Perhaps she couldn't withstand the pressure and said something."

My heart sunk. Regaining my thoughts, I immediately rushed into the room and unplugged the computer and carried it out. My mother asked what was going on. I did not have time to explain and rushed downstairs. Upon returning home, I but the CD burner in the place of my computer and quickly relocated my computer elsewhere.

The next time I returned home, I cleaned out all the drawers again, looking to see if there was any sensitive information. Even with everything checked, I did not have a slight feeling of relief. If only Xiao Yu had been arrested, I still could think that it was accidental and that this would not involve me. But the arrest of the other practitioners left my last line of defense destroyed.

I didn't know what to do, so I just did what I was supposed to do. By now, not one piece of paper could be found in the house. But what about the next step? What should I do? "Master, help me, please, help me!" I was constantly saying this in my mind. The only one who could help me now was Master.

I walked aimlessly in the street, hoping that the nonstop walking would make me ease up. It seemed as if the air was full of evil, all pressing down on me. I repeated the Fa-rectification phrases over and over, constantly asking Master to help me, to give me strength, and to let me break through this tribulation. In my mind I was clearly aware that I would not give up, ever. It does not matter what happens, I will definitely not give up! I will forever follow Master!

Having calmed down, I arranged my train of thought. Actually, what I feared was not arrest itself. From the first day of Dafa cultivation I knew what I had chosen. A cultivator must be able to endure ordeals that ordinary people cannot, and in tribulation, cultivate oneself and look inward at oneself, and get rid of the most fundamental attachments. But the huge mental pressures inflicted upon my relatives, especially my parents and my child, made me worry. Nevertheless, even if the worst were to come, I would still be able to think it through. Every person has his own path to walk. What should be, will be, and what should not be, Master certainly would not let it happen, because I am a Dafa disciple.

In the evening I ate at my mother-in-law's house. My mood was heavy. Maybe I just had a few hours of freedom left. Thinking of this made me feel extremely bad. I said nothing, and just ate mechanically.

I wanted to have a talk with my son. I wanted to tell him to remain steadfast in Master, persist in studying the Fa, cultivation and practice, particularly if I were to be arrested. I hoped he would understand that Mom was not wrong. The persecution will not last. We will see the day when we regain our freedom, and I hoped he would remain strong.

My son had gone to a soccer game and would return very late. There was still time left. I went to my parents' house, gave them some money and told them I was going on a trip and might not return for a long time.

Returning again to my mother-in-law's house, my son had already come back and was taking a bath. I walked over to him and said, "You see how good studying the Fa is for us. It does not matter what difficulty, however great any pressures arise, or even if we are arrested, threatened to be beaten or killed; we will still steadfastly practice and never give up, understand?"

Even though my son was in the middle of bathing, he listened earnestly. With water droplets on his head and face, eyes wide open gazing at me he nodded and said, "Understood." I said, "In case they don't let Mom practice and abduct Mom, and if they tell you to urge Mom to give up practicing, would you do it?" He shook his head, "I won't do it!"

"If this would happen and you don't get to see Mom, what would you do?"

He thought for a while, "I still won't do it!"

I heard this and felt truly relieved. I told him to study the Fa more, listen to the lecture tapes and follow Master's teachings. Then I left.

Returning home, my husband asked why I exchanged computers. I said the environment is really tense; some people were arrested. He heard this and became enraged, "I knew this day was coming! I warned you! Sooner or later you will get arrested." I became extremely angry and yelled loudly, "Arrested! I will still practice! Even facing death, I will still practice!" I originally wanted to tell him that I already hid all the materials and if the police did come, there would be no need to be alarmed. They cannot do anything if they do not find any evidence. But the situation has already turned this way, so I did not mention it.

I went to have a bath and washed for a long time. I thought that this might be the last time, so I washed until I was clean and fresh. Then I put on some clothes that retained heat well and allowed for easy movement. I sat on the bed, waiting for the police to come and arrest me.

It was getting closer to 2:00 a.m. The ticking of the clock seemed like the footsteps of the police, spasmodically sneaking up on me. I had never been this terrified. In my lifetime, I've experienced agony, vexation, disappointment, and sadness but had never been terrified. I am not afraid of anybody or anything. There are no hardships that can crush me. But now, I intimately felt what fear is, that fear which drifts from place to place. Sometimes I shouted in my heart, "Come, appear faster, and quickly take me away, I'm not afraid of you!"

At half past one I started to sit in the lotus position, and sent forth righteous thoughts. I thought of nothing and only felt my body being surrounded by energy. My palms intermittently became hot. Half an hour later the police had not come and I continued to send forth righteous thoughts. Another half hour passed; the police still did not come. I relaxed my legs, half-lying on the bed.

I could not sleep. I was very tired, but still could not sleep. The sound of cars on the street and footsteps in the building all seemed as if they were directed at me. When I was absent-minded, I even heard the doorbell ring.

In this way I toiled through the night. The next day I did not get up to practice the exercises. From the beginning of my cultivation, this kind of situation had rarely occured.

I decided to leave, as I couldn't stay anymore. Even if I were to be arrested, I would not let my own family watch with sadness. I remembered that I had another relative in the countryside that I used to help a lot; maybe I could stay there for a while.

Before anything else, I wanted to clean up the office, for there were many Dafa materials as well as computer files that needed to be processed. In the office, I wrote another e-mail letter to that overseas practitioner. As I was writing the letter I was in tears, as I could not help feeling fearful and sad. I don't know if he could sense it from my letter.

After finishing the letter I went home to pack. Before I left, I called my son and then my husband. When I told him that I was going on vacation with a fellow student he replied, "No you're not! You're going to appeal (for Falun Gong)." I felt very ashamed hearing this and I told him, "I am not that courageous. I haven't reached that level yet."

With two large bags of luggage, I made a long trip to my cousin's home. He was very surprised and happy at my sudden arrival. I told him frankly that I came to escape the persecution because I practiced Falun Gong. He replied, "No problem, you may practice whatever you believe here and stay as long as you need."

There were many things to do in my cousin's daily life, such as maintaining the fields, feeding the livestock and fish, and taking care of his four-year-old son who just started preschool. Working almost around the clock, he and his wife rarely get a break. I became a big help to them, making meals, taking care of the child, and feeding the livestock in addition to, of course, studying the Fa and practicing the Falun Gong exercises. Gradually I readjusted to my normal mindset.

The scenery in the rural village was beautiful. In front of the house lay a large field, ponds and bamboo trees. The weather was also very nice and sunny. When I wasn't working I liked to take a stool and sit at the edge of the field and watch the people work. The setting sun made the earth shine a golden color. Looking into the distance there were only two shadows of people working. I felt awed at such harmony between man and nature. This is the kind of life people need - a hard working, simple, and compassionate one, without that many attachments.

It is quite far from my cousin's home to the city, so buying things is not easy, and therefore they try to be mostly self-sufficient. There are two large ponds for breeding ducks and fish. The ducks are similar to the people in that they leave home early and come back late in their search for food, so we rarely get to see any trace of them except in the mornings when there are large piles of duck eggs in the yard.

At night the scenery is even more beautiful; one can never see anything like this in the cities. The small, moonlit rural roads shine brightly. Lying on my bed I could see the vast night sky with the moon and stars. Although there are no TVs, refrigerators, washing machines or even radios, nothing feels amiss. No matter how many changes in the outside world, lives here keep the same rhythm. There was no clock, which made me feel as if time had stopped.

Three days later I went to town and used a public telephone to call home and my husband's cell phone. He said all was fine and everything was normal. This finally made me rest easy. A week later I was ready to say goodbye. Before leaving, I bought a washing machine for my cousin as a gift for his selflessness and acceptance towards me.

My cousin's father is one of my distant relatives who is over seventy years old. He lives by himself since his spouse has passed away and he doesn't speak very much. Knowing that there was a visitor in town (me), he brought some local specialties for me to taste.

While we were chatting, the old man told me that he often saw his spouse coming back from the dead and pulling his covers. Sometimes while he was asleep he would suddenly feel as if he was being pushed down by a large body and could not move because of it. The children all think he's crazy but I understand. I told him it was real and this kind of situation was possible. What could a seventy-year-old man have to lie about?

He also said that he often saw a large man in the mountains wearing black clothes. Whenever he tried to get closer the man would disappear into a small cave. If one looked into the cave nothing would be there. I told him to remember some words to say often and before he slept as well. The words were "Falun Dafa is great." I also told him that if someone still dares to scare him, then he should shout, "Master Li, please help me!"

Several days later I asked him if he was still having those nightmares. He replied that they were all gone. "Odd, how a few words could be so powerful. How come they never taught me this?" He has not slept well for decades, but now he can sleep undisturbed until the morning.

When I was about to go back home the old man insisted on seeing me off. He said, "Let me say those words once more and see if I said them right, 'Falun Dafa is great,' 'Master Li, please help me.'" I nodded and he said "Good, I will repeat these often in the future."

The grandma of my cousin's wife is over ninety years old and is in very good health. One day I taught her the same words to say often - "Falun Dafa is great." She was very happy to hear it and repeated them a few times, saying, "This is easy to remember. I will repeat this daily."

My other cousin also lives quite close to his father-in-law. Unlike most of the village folk, he is lazy and a glutton. He drinks and smokes and doesn't do any work. One day, the hospital sent him his health report and he was greatly disturbed, for he had gotten lung cancer and required hospitalization. I told him not to worry and that if he was willing to cultivate Falun Dafa and do as Master requires, the disease might be cured. Many people with conditions worse than his all became better after cultivation practice. He was taken by what I said and became interested in learning Dafa.

Several days later he told me, "Look, now I neither smoke nor drink. I don't even think about it and I've quit both of these habits." He also said, "Last night was very strange. I had a dream where someone was moving my hands, my neck, and even my lungs were grabbed at. Then I had a stomachache and I had to go to the bathroom at 2:00 a.m." I told him he was very lucky, for Master was cleaning his body. "Cultivate well! Things will get better!"

After a few days his health began to improve. He stopped coughing and he found walking much easier. However, being bored at home, he went outside and abandoned cultivation practice. I told him he shouldn't do this, for cultivation is a serious issue, especially with people at his age; for the purpose of extending one's life is not to let him live longer as an ordinary human being.

They say farmers go through many tribulations so therefore they have little karma. I think that is true. When I began explaining Dafa to them, not a single one rejected it, and my cousin's wife even finished reading Zhuan Falun and will let me teach her the exercises whenever I get the time.

Having finished my vacation, it was time to go home. The police never did come. From being unstable and nervous, I came to be calm and have self-control. I study the Fa, do the exercises as before, and the materials production site was back in operation. A fellow practitioner said, "Did you know that you now shoulder enormous responsibilities?" Yes, I knew it well. Through this period of time I learned to value time and opportunity. Like a dead person brought back to life, Master's compassion had scooped me up from hell. How should I pay back such a mercy?

As I write this article I look back at everything I've been through and I know I can feel calm, for I have come through. Though there were obstacles, there was also experience gained and lessons learned, and the tribulations did not beat me down. Rather, they made me wiser, more mature and more steadfast in my belief. Although I experienced that terrifying night in which a minute was endless, now looking back, aren't all the tribulations and difficulties I experience just like a flash? In this short flash, I've been about letting go of many attachments that I had clung to in the past.

I would like to thank my Master. Although my gratitude cannot be expressed in words I want to say, "Thank you Master, for your compassionate care and protection on the path."

I'd like to thank that overseas practitioner who guided me to obtain the Fa so that I could start my new life.

I want to thank Xiao Yu, whose firmness and not yielding to evildoers in detention protected my safety.

I want to thank my son whose encouragement made me feel confident.

I have so many people to thank. I can only strive forward diligently in cultivation so that I will have no regrets.

March 23, 2005