(Clearwisdom.net)
I gain new understanding and perspective with each publication of Clearwisdom Weekly. I am often in tears after reading fellow practitioners' cultivation experiences and stories. Some practitioners showed determination as solid as a rock amidst severe tribulation and hardship; some remained steadfast through their ever-changing ordeals. Tortures could not shake them, tribulations could not frighten them, and hardship could not faze them. They maintained their righteous thoughts throughout. I was moved by their resolute spirit. So, with pen in hand, I shall write down my own experience for my fellow practitioners, and for all sentient beings.
A mere 10 months after I began the practice of Falun Dafa, the wanton suppression of it began in China. At the time, our area was under severe pressure and many people were intimidated by the propaganda and the authorities. Some practiced at home furtively, others even abandoned Dafa. Yet, there were practitioners who persisted in clarifying the truth about Dafa, notwithstanding the pressure. I was very diligent in my cultivation, especially in Fa study. I completely immersed myself into the Fa. I recited the Fa and copied the Fa. I constantly and quietly recited the Fa, even while walking, going to work, or preparing meals. Even though I obtained the Fa relatively late, I studied the Fa solidly and attentively. This established a solid foundation for my undertaking to validate the Fa later on.
At the beginning of the persecution, even without the benefit of Master's new articles, I realized that there was nothing wrong in speaking out about the truth under any circumstances. I took advantage of the favorable conditions at work to explain the truth about Dafa to all my colleagues, supervisors, relatives and friends. By then I had already realized the evil nature of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). I started to question all the historical events as put forth by the CCP, as well as all the documents and data in the CCP propaganda. When I raised my suspicions with others in the workplace, some senior administrators became quite scared, and thought that I was too naïve. They advised me, "You mustn't meddle with the CCP! You will bring fatal trouble on yourself!"
My righteous thoughts allowed me to be very clearheaded-- such a righteous great cultivation way, such a noble and grand Master, and such compassionate practitioners, yet they were being relentlessly trampled on, slandered and demonized at will by the evil. As long as I live, I will thoroughly explain the truth, and let everyone in the world know that it is the Jiang regime that's trying to deceive people, and that Falun Gong practitioners have no aspirations for political power.
Through my righteous efforts, some people started to quietly read the truth-clarification materials covering both domestic and overseas events. Some administrators also tacitly approved of my actions, providing me with a relatively accommodating environment. From the start of the persecution until October 2000 I kept on telling the truth this way. During this period, the Public Security, the 610 Office, and the Political-Judicial officials often interfered with me. They tried to force me out of my job, to make me undergo the CCP ritual of "self-criticism," and to deduct my salary. On one occasion an official declared that I had one month to change my belief and to write a self-criticism, or else they would expel me from my job. I told them openly that neither the Dafa practitioners nor I were the ones that should be doing the self-criticizing, but rather those who were in power with ulterior motives. They treated me as a separatist, and tried to "transform" my ideology.
Again and again, they created ordeals for me. I remembered once I only had a few coins left in my pocket. They stopped paying my salary. My young children cried for food, and I had no money to pay for gas. The evil, on the other hand, screamed, "If you don't repent, if you won't give up Dafa, then you face dismissal!" I did not realize at the time that it was the arrangement forced upon me by the old forces. I only indicated to Master in my heart, "Master, I will never abandon Dafa even if I have to beg for food!" (Now I realize that the destitution was forced upon Dafa practitioners by the old forces. It was not the way Master had intended.)
During that period, the 610 Office sent their people to besiege me on a daily basis, spreading lies and slandering Dafa. There were people assigned specifically to monitor me during the day. At night, it was my husband's turn to monitor my activities. On the weekend, there were a minimum of half a dozen phone calls to see if I was home. A policeman was also assigned to watch my every move. With powerful righteous thoughts, I composed and distributed "truth-clarification" flyers with fellow practitioners. The flyers exposed the atrocities of the local police, and lent support to Dafa practitioners elsewhere. The truth-clarifying material frightened the evil. They deployed substantial police resources and carried out monitoring, tracking and surveillance on me for more than 6-7 months. Due to my own omissions, I was arrested and put in the detention center.
In the detention center, confronted by the police who tortured people at will, I was undaunted. I told them how the government unashamedly fabricated lies, and how Falun Gong practitioners endured such brutal persecution. I refused to perform any forced labor. I refused to recite the prison regulations, and refused to sign any paper.
The prison guard prohibited us from studying the Fa or practicing the exercises, but I persisted in studying the Fa and doing the exercises nevertheless. They beat me, shocked me, handcuffed me, and hung me up. Even in the face of their cruelty, I told them there was no way they could force me to abandon Dafa. The police then handcuffed one of my hands, and hung me up with my toes barely touching the floor in the hallway for as long as half a month. I used my other hand to write truth clarification messages on the wall. I also wrote them all over the walls of the prison. I remembered once during the break, I wrote words like "Falun Dafa is good" in many place along the prison wall. The guards did not take any action after they discovered my words, nor did they pursue the issue further.
I met many pre-destined people in the prison, and they obtained the Fa in prison. In such a harsh and hostile environment, they helped us to protect and distribute new articles written by Teacher. There were many touching stories. I thought to myself that my effort was not wasted after all. So many people obtained the Fa and were saved. But for my part, I still had many attachments and omissions, which were then exploited by the evil.
In the prison, the guards treated us as their enemy, and the inmates regarded us as their capital to gain meritorious service. Notwithstanding this adverse environment, the wisdom bestowed by Dafa and practitioners' compassion still enabled the predestined people to obtain the Fa. They quietly got in touch with me. Some recited the articles written by Teacher, some provided much needed help. Because of my attempt to create the necessary environment for Fa study and practicing the exercises, as well as providing support for practitioners who were tortured, I was locked up in a dark, damp cell and savagely tortured to force me to abandon Dafa. They punished me to stand for 30 days, not allowing me to sleep. I would have died without Dafa and Master.
Under the harsh environment, I still clarified the truth about Dafa while resisting their attempt to brainwash me. They pulled on my collar and dragged me around. They grabbed my hair and slapped my face just because I refused to listen to their slander. I did not sleep for 30 days and nights. I was forced to stand the whole time, even when having my meals. The guards took turns watching me, they covered the windows with newspaper because they were afraid that the way they tortured me could leak out. They left the lights on day and night. Other than designated guards, no one was allowed to enter my cell. They allowed me to sit down only after my feet and legs were swollen to the point that I could no longer walk. I stood 37 days-- 37 sleepless days and nights.
During this time, the people who were assigned to transform me were instead transformed by me. I became the prime target of attack for the whole prison. They held large-scale meetings to criticize and denounce me, which culminated in a new round of even more brutal persecution. They ordered me to stand still on a daily basis as punishment, even imposed restriction for using the rest room. Because I refused to "confess," recite prison rules and regulations, the guards prohibited me from having a single drop of water. I could not wash my face, shampoo my hair, brush my teeth, wash my feet, or do laundry. It was during the hottest months in summer from the end of June through the whole of July, and not until the beginning of August before they allowed me the use of water. I stood from spring to summer, and then I stood from summer to autumn. They tortured me like that for six months in the cell. I could not see the light of day, nor was I aware of the seasonal changes outside. Once another inmate took me to the bathroom, I looked outside the window for the first time, and noticed that the leaves had changed to dark green, and the grass had grown. I could not stop my tears from rolling down my face, "Oh, It is already summer...."
The prison guards forbid me from making eye contact with others, for fear that we could be exchanging messages. Even so I was steadfast with my faith. Some practitioners compromised with the evil under exactly such solitary confinement conditions. I thought to myself while detained in the cell, "I will occupy this solitary confinement cell (as there was only one solitary confinement cell) so that there is no way the evil can use it to torture other practitioners." After I got out of that special cell, they never used that cell to torture Dafa practitioner again. During my detention they kept me from any place where people gathered, because they were afraid that I would tell them the truth about Dafa. Once, I overcame the obstacles in the prison and embraced another Dafa practitioner. The guards eventually tore us apart. From that point on, whenever I needed to go past where people gathered together, the guards would order everyone back to their cells, and had at least four guards escort me. I was not intimidated.
Dafa endowed me with boundless power and wisdom, and helped me get through that most trying period. After my jail term was up, they did not let me go home, but sent me directly to the brainwashing center, and illegally detained me there for more tortures that were more grievous. Due to various attachments on my part, as well as failing to study the Fa systematically for an extended period of time and deceived by the "fake Jingwen" fabricated by the evil, I was lost. However, with Master's compassionate hints I quickly realized what was going on after just a few days. I remained steady and dignified on the path of Fa rectification. I always went directly to the Police, the 610 Office, and the Political-Judicial offices to tell them the truth. I told them, how frightening it was for a government to mobilize so many resources to force people to give up their faith in Truth, Compassion, Forbearance, and to force people to commit crimes. They could only say to me, "There is nothing that we can do! Why don't you just practice at home?"
For the past years, I recall having stumbled time and again along the path of cultivation, and caused quite a bit of damage. But the majestic Master did not abandon me, and held my hands all along. Master, your disciple cannot express my innermost appreciation and gratitude in words.
After I got out of prison, fellow practitioners lent me their support during the most difficult times of my life-- tribulations compounded by family conflicts. Fellow practitioners used various ways to help me break away from the ordeals. I was so moved, I thought to myself, "Only when I do the three things well, will I not let my fellow practitioners down, will I be worthy of Master and the great trust the sentient beings placed upon me.
In my daily life, I met people from different walks of life. I brought them compassion and good tidings. I told them that I once held a well paying job that many people envied. However, because I clarified the truth, the government expelled me from my position and put me in jail. Thus, a once happy and wonderful family was destroyed by the evil's suppression. Then I told them about the prison, and the various tortures Dafa practitioners endured. People were shocked. I also told them that for their own sake, not to be deceived by the lies and the evil's slander against Dafa, and that they must remember that Dafa is good. Wherever I went and whoever I met, I clarified the truth about Falun Gong. I told them about the wonderfulness and magnificence of Dafa. I brought the predestined people Dafa's holy message. Some of them thanked me, and promised that they would remember that Dafa is good. It is in those moments that I feel most gratified, because there is hope for them.
In the days ahead, I will follow my path as usual to validate the Fa, and constantly get rid of my attachments and omissions until consummation. Majestic Master, although I have numerous shortcomings, I will press forward diligently, and improve day after day. Master, as your disciple, I came for the Fa, and will definitely fulfill my grand vow this time.
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