(Clearwisdom.net) Thank you Master for giving me another chance to examine the state of my cultivation. I obtained the Fa five years ago, but the present state of my cultivation is not as good as it used to be. I am not as diligent as I was when I first obtained the Fa. Although I have done a lot of work for Fa-rectification, strictly speaking, that is just work. Using the excuse of being busy, I could not guarantee the quality of Fa study, and did not have time to practice the five exercises. I also could not concentrate while sending forth righteous thoughts. Day after day, I treated the three things that Master bestowed upon practitioners as routine work. I knew this deviated from cultivation. I often thought about it and looked inward. When I found a problem, I thought that I had found the root cause. Yet the state of my cultivation did not change. I often felt guilty and helpless. I even doubted whether I could still cultivate, and I could not step forward because I felt inferior.
Lately, a thought crossed my mind: Do I respect Master? Although this question was brought up by a fellow practitioner before, I did not really think about it. Since the beginning of my practice I have never attended Master's 9 day classes. So I decided to calm down and watch Master's lectures carefully. Every minute I did not want to be out of Master's line of vision. Master's facial expressions and movements were so compassionate and peaceful. I felt as though I had learned many Fa principles which I had never known before. It felt just like the first time that I obtained the Fa. I respect Master so much, and I am so thankful.
I was physically and mentally very unhealthy before cultivation. Master purified my body after I obtained the Fa. I still remember the most painful purification process. I had abdominal pain and a hematoma that lasted two weeks. It was a test of my firm belief in Master and the Fa. I had only one thought at that time and that was to believe in Master and the Fa. Every morning, wind or rain, I went to the practice site to exercise and study Fa. I feel that this Fa is so good. I do not know how to repay Dafa. Master said that exercising at practice sites is spreading the Fa. So, I cannot miss it.
I grew up in a family with one parent. Because of my poor health and pressure from my family, I did not complete my education as I wished. The seeming unfairness and difficulties in the process of growing up hurt me deeply. I also developed a sense of inferiority. The Fa opened my wisdom. I think that I received so much from the Fa, and I should do my best to spread the Fa to repay what I have been given. In the period of Fa-rectification, Master gives us the ability to send forth righteous thoughts, and asks us to clarify the truth. Gradually, I learned to clarify the truth through the internet. In order to send truth clarifying materials to sentient beings, I learned to use email, to edit the truth clarification material and to chat on BBS. I sincerely want everyone to know that Falun Dafa is good, and hope that they understand it. I acquired several skills. They were granted by Master. Whenever I wanted to use a skill, Master would arrange someone to teach me.
To better clarify the truth, and coordinate as one body, we set up several groups. During this process, several of my attachments surfaced. Some examples are focusing purely on doing work, jealousy, the mentality of showing-off and competition. They replaced my pure motive to clarify the truth. All the unrighteous states were caused by my loophole. I did not openly talk about my cultivation state, and was afraid to expose my shortcomings to fellow practitioners. I was afraid about what others would think if I did not cultivate well. I was afraid of so many things. The deeply hidden attachment to inferiority started to interfere with me. I knew that I was not in a good cultivation state, so I did not dare to be involved in editing truth clarification material any longer. Because my heart was not pure, the work could not touch people's hearts. The more I thought about it, the more I was afraid of doing it, and the more I isolated myself.
In every experience sharing conference, Master has emphasized the importance of studying the Fa with a calm mind. But how can we really study the Fa in our hearts? I enlightened that we need to study the Fa with full respect for the Fa, and the respect should come from the bottom of our hearts. Now when I study the Fa, I ask myself to sit in full lotus position, or at least in half lotus position. I calm down first, and then study the Fa with a calm mind.
From the beginning of my truth clarification, I have been using "true heart" as a pen name. I hope I can really put "Truthfulness, Compassion, Forbearance" into practice, and use my true heart and compassionate mind to touch the hearts of sentient beings. The detour from my cultivation path has delayed my mission to save sentient beings. I thank Master's compassionate guidance on my path to enlightenment step by step. I am grateful that Master has given me another chance to let go of this attachment. From now on, I want to begin my cultivation anew, and do well in studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending righteous thoughts and clarifying the truth. I wrote down this experience and hope that my fellow practitioners can avoid the same mistake that I made. I hope that we can all cultivate ourselves well, and advance diligently on the path to Consummation.
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