(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Dafa practitioner from Huanan County, Heilongjiang Province. Recently I was imprisoned at a detention center for seven and a half months. Under Master's great compassion, constant hints and protection, I was inspired by Dafa's mighty power and wisdom. With righteous thoughts and righteous actions, I was able to walk out of the detention center with dignity.
On September 30, 2004, my wife and I were arrested at our home by local police. (My wife is also a practitioner and she is still under police detention). During the detention, my state of mind was not right and I was very emotional. At times, I was even hoping for some everyday persons to end the persecution. As a result, I lost quite a few opportunities to get out of the detention center. I feel ashamed to have let Master down. I did not meet the standard for a Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period.
After I walked out of the detention center with righteous thoughts, fellow practitioners repeatedly suggested that I write about my experience. But for a while, I was blocked by my own attachment to reputation. I thought that since I did not do well during my detention, my conduct was not up to the high standard. Therefore I didn't want to publicize my own shortcomings and tarnish my reputation. The strong selfish mentality and pursuit of fame prevented me from writing this article for a long time.
After studying the Fa and sharing understandings with fellow practitioners for a month, I changed my thinking. Master's compassion has enhanced my righteous mind. Everything we have was created by Dafa. Everything we do is to validate Dafa. During the Fa-rectification period, we cultivate ourselves as well as save sentient beings. We must put forward our best efforts to do the three things that Master has asked us to do. All unrighteousness, selfishness, the attachment of maintaining one's reputation, and human vanity are bad things that we should abandon through cultivation. Because we still have these attachments, we can still cultivate and give them up during the Fa-rectification of the cosmos, as we rectify our own thoughts, speech and conduct. This condition allows us to validate and assimilate to Dafa.
Now I would like to write about my experience and thought process during my detention, so I can expose and dissolve the unrighteous and bad elements. In the meantime, this also allows me to share with some fellow practitioners who may have similar attachments and mentalities. The purpose is to motivate every one of us to be more diligent as a group and walk well on the path of validating Dafa.
On September 30, 2004, my wife and I were arrested at our home by the police. They found some Dafa materials in my house after we were taken away. That night they illegally locked me in the detention center. As this was just the beginning, I still had a strong righteous mind. A week later, the police subjected me to an extensive 4-day interrogation. One night, I suddenly had a righteous thought, "No, I can't stay here, I have to leave. This is no place for a Dafa disciple." Then, I saw that two policemen had fallen asleep and the other two went to play poker. I pulled the two handcuffs (both hands were cuffed separately) and said "open." Both cuffs opened instantly like magic. Next, I was trying to open the steel door, but I hesitated, "No, if I am gone, what will happen to my wife? They will put all the pressure on her." My sentimentality came back and human mentality took over, "She has suffered enough these years. She has been detained and sent to labor camps several times." Without righteous thoughts, quietly, I returned to the same spot and put the handcuffs back on myself.
After I handcuffed myself, I suddenly woke up. What am I doing? Was this what a Dafa Disciple is supposed to do? Master's words came to my mind,
"Human beings are just human beings. At critical moments it is hard for them to let go of their human notions, but they always try to find excuses to convince themselves." ("Position" from Essentials for Further Advancement II)
"It is extremely dangerous to add anything human to cultivation practice." ("Digging Out the Roots" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
I immediately tried to pull off the handcuffs, but this time they didn't open. Later they sent me to the Procuratorate and then the court trial. In two open trials, Dafa's power prevailed. I won the court debate in both trials and the court declared that I was innocent. My family demanded an immediate release, but the court refused and returned me to the detention center.
Back in the detention center, Master gave us another chance. Because of my complacency and show-off mentality, I pinned hope on everyday society. I speculated the outcome using human logic and believed that I would never get a jail sentence. My family members also said that there was no trouble, and that I would be released in a few days. My mind was not clear. I even enjoyed some gratification from the success.
The day before the Chinese New Year Eve 2005, my wife was released. After that, I waited in anticipation for my own release. One month later, my wife was tricked back into the detention center again. Subsequently, both of us were illegally sentenced to jail terms. Suddenly, I woke up, "What's wrong?" I began to think calmly and judge my conduct using the Fa as the standard. After I discussed with my wife, we found that both of us were troubled by sentimentality. We had a strong comfort-seeking mentality, became complacent with the current status, and were unwilling to further give up vested personal interests. We had relaxed our righteous thoughts and tried to protect our personal interests using human tactics. We recognized the old forces' evil arrangements on a deeper level, and realized that we were passively enduring the persecution.
After we found our fundamental attachments, we discussed it further. Both of us improved our understanding of the Fa. We recalled Master's teaching:
"In the ordinary world you can live your life for whatever it is ordinary people pursue, or out of fear you can drag out an ignoble existence in the shadows. But since you have come close to Dafa, I hope there is a chance to save you, and that is why I keep giving you chances. I will always give you chances, but as for whether you can become a Dafa disciple, whether you want those chances, and whether you can sober up and live in a way that's accountable to yourself.. ...at this point in time things can't continue to be dragged out. Even if you begin to make up for all of that and try to catch up now, very few chances are left. I think that after a short while even these few chances will be gone." ("Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. International Fa Conference")
Through Fa-study and discussion, we repositioned ourselves and enhanced our righteous thoughts. We firmly believed that Master would give us more chances. On May 17, 2005, my family members visited me. During the visit, I thought to myself, "I must get out this time." I told the guard that I needed to use the toilet. From inside the restroom, I could see the police room. I thought, someone should close the door or block the view. Immediately, a person came to make a phone call at the window. I thought to myself, this is still not good enough, he had better stand at the door and not move. Indeed, the person turned around and stood there at the door. I quietly walked out of the restroom and moved toward the detention center entrance. At the entrance, I saw a top official of the detention center coming in, but he did not notice me at all. I was highly inspired by Master's compassion and the power of Dafa. I felt the mighty power of the righteous thoughts bestowed on us by Dafa. Finally, I walked out of the detention center with dignity.
This is my own understanding from cultivation. Please correct me compassionately if you find anything inappropriate.
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