(Clearwisdom.net) About two years ago, I bought an MP3 player to listen to the Fa. I usually spend an hour and a half every day biking to my office and back home each way. With the new player, I was able to listen to the Fa on the way. I often go to other cities by train to promote the Fa or participate in Dafa activities. Again, I used these opportunities to listen to the Fa. Yet, listening to the Fa became less and less effective, and I often got so distracted that I did not know exactly what Master was talking about. Besides, every time I listened to the Fa with the MP3 player, I could not help falling asleep.
While reading Zhuan Falun at home, I always had a headache. Sometimes I became sleepy as soon as I picked up the book. Unless I was really determined to read, I laid the book down in a few moments and fell asleep. I was very concerned about my situation, and often doubted if I was a genuine practitioner at all. Sometimes I even cried, thinking that I had too much karma and therefore could not practice.
Earlier last year, I read about how a fellow practitioner memorized and recites the Fa. A thought occurred to me, "I must recite Zhuan Falun." In fact, on and off, during an earlier period, I was once able to memorize and recite Zhuan Falun. The first time I started reciting, I did it paragraph by paragraph. Then I did it section by section. I believe that as long as I keep reciting, I should be able to memorize and recite all of Zhuan Falun.
Thanks to my previous experience, I started to memorize Zhuan Falun once again. During the process, I encountered various kinds of interference, and I had the thought of giving up. Then I tried to strengthen my determination to memorize the Fa. All of a sudden, I felt as if my determination could cut through a mountain. In the first three months, it was very difficult to me. I had to spend a lot of time to memorize the book. Nevertheless I often had the magnificent experience of melting into the Fa, which strengthened my determination to keep memorizing and reciting the Fa. In contrast, studying the Fa used to be a painful experience and a task to accomplish, where I had to strive to overcome the sleepiness and headache. Later, I began to recite the Fa wherever possible. Most of the time I recited the Fa on the way to and from work and on the train. If I failed to remember some part, I simply took out the book and read it.
In about a year, I had managed to memorize all of Zhuan Falun. On the bike, on the train, or while walking, sometimes I would suddenly forget where I ended or fail to continue as a result of the interference of thought-karma. Then I tried to recall where I had started, and I tried to start over from where I could remember. I asked myself to be clear-minded when studying the Fa.
In the past two months, I have started to recite three lectures of Zhuan Falun every day. The experience of Fa-recitation this past year has changed me inside out. I'm full of energy and never tired. Whenever I face conflicts in my daily life or at work, the teachings in Zhuan Falun quickly appear in my mind, reminding me of how to handle them. I will keep on reciting the Fa. I strongly believe that one day I will be able to recite all of Zhuan Falun without any mistakes.
Even if I often recite Zhuan Falun from memory, I still sit down calmly and read the book. Besides, as practitioners we often read Master's new teachings (Jingwen). Recently, when I did not pay attention to these issues, I could barely read through Zhuan Falun in as long as three weeks. During that period of time, again I felt sleepy whenever I picked up the book. I knew that it was the interference from thought-karma, which was attempting to stop me from assimilating to the Fa.
I still remember my early experience right after I started to practice Falun Dafa. Then, too, I had the idea of being able to memorize and recite the book. Back then my memory was very bad as a result of my neurasthenia. Oftentimes I told myself, "If only I had a good memory I could recite Zhuan Falun." Yet I stopped short of actually doing anything about it right after having that thought, until one day when I recognized that this thought was exactly what Master describes in Zhuan Falun, "I will start to practice only if my illness heals." I finally understood Master's words, "When a person's Buddha-Nature comes out it shakes the Ten-Directional World."
Then I aspired to memorize and recite the Fa. As a result, Master helped me solve my poor memory problem. What I want to share with all practitioners is that as long as we are determined to memorize and recite the Fa, the problem of poor memory is never an issue.
I know I still have a lot of problems, and I often feel inferior. Even after I wrote this article, I hesitated to send it out, afraid of exposing my shortcomings in front of fellow practitioners. In fact, this is exactly the attachment I have to let go of.
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