(Clearwisdom.net) I did not do my best to move forward in the past and I didn't always study the Fa. Our benevolent Teacher, however, did not give up on me and kept dropping me hints in my dreams. I dreamed many times of taking an exam. I had very little time to review my subject matter, as I had never taken such an exam before. What's more, there were many subjects that I needed to go over. I quickly picked up the book about one subject but only realized that there was another subject that needed to be reviewed, too. What should I do? I was really worried. These dreams were so vivid. Every time I woke up, I knew why I had this dream but I was not enlightened to what I should do. Once I dreamed that I failed the exams, and one night in my dream, I found that my worst subject was math. Math, math, math ..., I kept repeating the word. Ah, I got it: the word math in Chinese could also sound like "study diligently." Our Teacher wanted me to study Fa more diligently!
It has been six years since I started practicing Falun Dafa. During the period of Fa-rectification, Dafa was defamed and many fellow practitioners were persecuted, but I was safe.
This is not my first time to write an article. When I recalled the first two articles I wrote for the Minghui (the Chinese version of Clearwisdom) website, I felt very upset with myself.
The first time, I wrote an article for "The First Online Experience Sharing Conference of China." I recalled that I started writing without even really reading the contents and requirements of the notice. After submitting the article, I just waited to see if my article was published.
The second time I wrote an article to answer the call for "Validating Falun Dafa with Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions" papers. Again I didn't see that my article was published. After I read articles written by other practitioners, I felt embarrassed about my righteous thoughts and righteous actions compared with those of other fellow practitioners in validating the Fa. I knew then that I was only wasting the precious time of my fellow practitioners who worked as editors for Minghui.
After the persecution started in July 1999, I was very lonely on my cultivation path. Prior to 2003, there were no other practitioners around me. It was impossible for me to share experiences with others. I could not get hold of any of Teacher's new lectures and articles. I did not even know what had really happened on "April 25" nor did I understand the truth clarifying materials about the staged self-immolation. The evil propaganda was almost everywhere, but it did not affect me at all. Those TV programs and newspapers never showed up before my eyes. Instead, I could always hear our Teacher's words. I cultivated according to what Teacher told us to do both in my work and in my life. In the "Fa-Lecture at the Conference in Florida, U.S.A.," Teacher said, "At that time even Dafa students each thought about what this meant for them: Should I cultivate this Dafa? Is Dafa really right, or is it wrong? What kind of person is Li Hongzhi, anyway?" I had indeed thought about these questions myself. I pondered these questions over and over again until I finally made up my mind. My determination to cultivate got stronger and stronger until it could not be shaken.
Ever since I realized the importance of studying the Fa, I have understood more and more Fa principles. I found time to read both Teacher's new and old articles and lectures again. My tests came one after the other, manifesting in every aspect, in every detail of my life, in every thought of mine, as well as my every action. What were the three things? How to do them? How to do them well? How to do them better? How to be strict with myself in doing these three things? How to be stricter with my self? Often I did not do them well. I remember Teacher said something like (not exactly what Teacher said) those who did not do well need to catch up now. At first, I was filled with self-pity and self-blame. I was at a loss and had a great attachment to time. Gradually I began to understand the Fa little by little and I found that I was being elevated slowly. It was the first time that I felt my advancement in the Fa. That was the result of my striving forward for a few months after undergoing this change, even though I had been practicing for years.
Reading articles on the Minghui website has been very helpful to me. When I have some thoughts, opinions, experiences and understandings, I also want to write something. This is because many fellow practitioners in China are under great pressure, but they still write to Minghui about their experiences, the truth of the persecution and many other things, so that all of us can be enlightened and improve together. But I cannot just always take from others. Later I found that most of the articles are from fellow practitioners in China. The articles written by practitioners outside of China were only reports of some events, and were rarely about personal experiences or something like that. So, I guessed that maybe Minghui was mainly for practitioners in China. As a result, I never wrote anything.
However, today I studied Zhuan Falun and understood some principles. I felt that I really needed to write my experience down. I had a very good idea at the beginning but when I touched the keyboard of the computer, my thoughts became blurred again. In more than one hour, I only wrote two sentences. At that time, I stopped typing. I clicked the mouse and opened yesterday's articles from Minghui. Then I saw "Practitioners Outside China Should Submit Articles to the Clearwisdom Website More Often." All at once, my mind became clear. The following is my understanding of the Fa that I studied today:
"In practicing cultivation of our school, you will not have any problems as long as you can conduct your xinxing well, since one righteous mind can subdue one hundred evils. If you cannot maintain your xinxing well and go after this or that, you are bound to get yourself into trouble." (Zhuan Falun)
My personal understanding is that, as long as we cultivate Falun Dafa, and as long as we can keep impoving our xinxing, nothing inappropriate will happen to us. One good can overcome a hundred evils. This can be manifested as doing well the three things in validating the Fa.
How do we maintain our xinxing? First, "What is xinxing? It includes de (a type of matter), tolerance, enlightenment quality, sacrifice, giving up ordinary people's different desires and attachments, being able to suffer hardships, and so on. It encompasses various things." (Zhuan Falun) That means maintaining xinxing includes maintaining de (de is a type of matter). We cannot ignore the fact that de is a type of matter. Also we need to practice forbearance, giving up things, all human desires and all the attachments. We should also be able to endure hardships; therefore it includes a lot of different things. What do "things" specifically mean here? Can they be the things that we cannot be aware of? In that case, only Teacher can help us with them (I remember Teacher mentioned something like this in his recent lectures). Only in this way will we have no more problems.
This makes me realize that the simple word xinxing, which repeatedly appears in Zhuan Falun, is actually very profound in its meaning, and the standard for us to maintain our xinxing is very high. It is obviously very difficult to do. If we can really reach this standard of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, then the requirement of assimilating to the character of the universe is indeed very high, very serious, and very solemn.
The above is my understanding. If there is anything inappropriate, please kindly correct me. Heshi.
June 18, 2005
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