(Clearwisdom.net) Since I was very young, I have always been very timid. I was frightened even when hearing a small sound. I was afraid to go out after dark. I even had the fear of a falling leaf hitting my head. After the persecution of Falun Gong began, my attachment of fear got much worse and I was extremely worried.
Since I couldn't endure the persecution, I had given up Dafa cultivation against my will. Upon returning home, with help and encouragement from fellow practitioners, I again started cultivation. Through Fa study, I have gradually regained my confidence and understand what it is to be a Dafa practitioner during Fa-rectification and that we have enormous responsibilities for saving sentient beings. I thus made up my mind to step forward to clarify the truth.
When I prepared to go out to clarify the truth, my heart started pounding even before I stepped out the door. When I walked towards people, my heart pounded heavily and I just said to people, "Remember that 'Falun Dafa is good' and 'Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance is good!'" I then gave people a truth-clarifying pamphlet and walked away in a hurry. I would hide if I saw the same person again. After several days of practicing, my fear lessened. A few more days, the fear again became less. At the beginning, there was a lot of interference. For example, when I started to talk, suddenly several people would come around or I would experience other forms of interference. Even though I still had fear, I didn't give up. I had the unwavering thought that I needed to clarify the truth to save sentient beings. Because I was persistent and Teacher was helping me, the interference I experienced disappeared after a while.
After a fellow practitioner accompanied me the first few times, gradually I was able to communicate with people well. I did my best to be articulate so that people would understand me. I gained confidence and was able to give away lots of truth clarifying CD's. I could talk in a natural and easy manner. Sometimes, when there were several people around me, I wasn't afraid anymore. Once, I was so taken when I read an article about a fellow practitioner who was able to clarify the truth on a bus. I was thinking to myself, "When would I be able to do the same?" I couldn't believe that the very next day I was able to seize an opportunity to clarify the truth on a bus. I knew it was Teacher who was encouraging me.
As I became more confident with clarifying the truth, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party (Nine Commentaries) was published. It had caused some difficulty for me, as it was easier for me to tell people the facts of the persecution, but how would I tell people to resign from the Communist Party and its associated organizations? I was so worried that I lost my appetite and even had a dream about how to talk to people. Just like an everyday person I wanted to turn away from the difficult task and a substandard thought emerged: Why don't I just send out a few booklets every week, and maybe that will be counted as validating the Fa. Although I had such a thought, I didn't follow through with it because I felt it wasn't right.
One day when a fellow practitioner asked me whether I had gone out to clarify the truth on the Nine Commentaries, I told her that it was too difficult for me to do. She said that I needed to do it even if it was difficult. After she had brought me along for a while, she then suggested that I bring others with me to clarify the truth. I told her that I still didn't know what to say. Every day I waited for her to come get me; and if she didn't come, I didn't go out either. One day I had a dream that she and I went out to clarify the truth and suddenly she left and I waited for a long time, but she never came back. After I woke up, I realized it was Teacher hinting to me not to depend on others. I then tried to go out by myself. I felt I wasn't doing too badly. I had distributed quite a few CD's and books on the Nine Commentaries; recently, I have often brought with me a fellow practitioner to join me.
In the process of clarifying the truth, I have met different types of people. Some said that they didn't believe in anything but making money. I said to them, "Don't just try to make money. If you had money but not your life, what is the use of money? Take the tsunami for example, 200,000 people vanished in an instant. There are so many natural and man-made calamities today because of mankind's declining morality. Because so many people are influenced by the Communist's atheist theory, they don't believe in 'good will be rewarded with good, and evil punished with evil' and they dare to do bad things. Some people betray their own conscience to make money. Some high officials of the Chinese Communist Party are so corrupt that they have hundreds of millions dollars deposited in foreign banks. This party is basically rotten to its core. I have heard that The Epoch Time newspaper overseas has published a book called the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party, which has caused quite a stir. The Chinese Communist Party has persecuted so many good people that Heaven will not allow it to continue to exist. We are the good people and we don't want to go down with them. Hurry up and resign from that evil party." A lot of people have accepted what I said.
Once, I met an acquaintance that I had not seen for years. When I tried to clarify the truth to her, she said she was a Buddhist and she doesn't believe in other things. I then sent forth righteous thoughts while I clarified the truth. I told her that regardless of belief, a person's allegiance to the Communist Party would mean their eventual demise when the CCP was destroyed. You are a good person, if you don't resign from it, I am afraid that you'll be in danger. She felt that my sincere concern was truly for her own good. She said she would resign from it after thinking it over.
I realized that the process of clarifying the truth is also a process of eliminating fear. Once, when I didn't go out to clarify the truth for several days, my fear came back. I thought that when I was reluctant to go out to clarify the truth, I would have more fear. The more fear we have, the more we should do our best to overcome it. We can't let it stop us. We must eliminate it. Even though my legs trembled when I clarified the truth, I just thought of my unwavering belief in Dafa and the fact that I came to save sentient beings, then I knew I mustn't back away. As I sent forth righteous thoughts, I finally overcame the fear. Because there are fewer evil factors now, more people are able to accept us. But there are exceptions. Once, a young man didn't believe us and said he'd call the police. We sent forth righteous thoughts right away and under Teacher's compassionate care, we were able to leave safely. Now I can understand the comment Teacher made on the article, "The Only Thing Falun Dafa Disciples Have a Role in Is Saving People ** With Teacher's Commentary:"
"The fact is, those who can't step forward, regardless of the excuse, are concealing fear. Yet for cultivators, fear or lack thereof proves [one's] humanity or divinity, and it is what differentiates cultivators from ordinary people. It is something that a cultivator must face, and the biggest human attachment that a cultivator must remove."
When we truly cultivate according to the Fa and remember that we are helping Teacher validate the Fa to save sentient beings, we will be able to get rid of our fear.
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