(Clearwisdom.net)
Today I no longer hate others around me, nor do I bear hatred towards society, and I have gradually grown accustomed to making friends with my classmates. Moreover, I have truly experienced a light, almost weightless state after recovering from my many ailments.
A Twofold Blow - Parents' Divorce and Disappointment in Romance
During my junior high school days, I was a naive and kind-hearted girl. However, when I was in my first year of high school, the relationship between my parents soured. They quarreled and threatened each other with divorce for a period of time. Then one year later, when the conflicts developed to the point in which it became impossible for them to resolve their differences, they carried through with the divorce. I was very much disgusted by their quarrels, and I very quickly developed a mindset of rebellion. I stopped listening and started showing disrespect instead. Later I fell into the mentality of being disgusted with everyone and with society as a whole, until I gradually began to hate everyone around me.
At that time, I thought everyone else was bad and that my own misfortune was society's fault. I further developed the opinion that being innocent and kind-hearted was wrong and stupid. Because of my long-term depression and the unhealthy psychological state that developed as a result, I sought out a boyfriend at a young age. However, he did not bring me any comfort, on the contrary, he brought another heavy blow to my heart. As a result, I really could not stand to look at anyone or anything.
During the summer of my third year in senior high school, I broke up with my boyfriend, which was another blow to me. I hated him, but I hated my father even more. It was my father who deprived me of a warm family life; it was he who drove me to trying to find comfort elsewhere. At that time, I was determined to seek revenge and get payback as soon as possible.
Inability to Control the Hatred Burning in My Heart
Hatred had grown inside of me to a point beyond my control, and it made me wonder why people were so hypocritical. They had cheated me just as society had cheated me, so I thought. This hatred inundated my innocent nature, and I did not believe in truthfulness any more and there was no kind-heartedness in me. From then on, I seldom laughed from my heart, and I formed no true friendships. When I made contact with other classmates, I always had a mentality of distrust, and I took strict precautions to protect myself. I did not want to help others from my own initiative. Even sometimes when I did comfort or help others, it did not come from my heart. I only did it because I was afraid that others might accuse me of being indifferent. The worst was my envy of the pretty schoolgirls. I always hoped that they too would encounter the same experiences as me. While I was in the university, I studied half-heartedly and allowed free play to my wild imagination. For no reason whatsoever, I found everyone to be offensive to my eyes. Whenever anything happened, I would never exercise tolerance. I would flare into rage arbitrarily and try to pick on other people's mistakes. I would feel very miserable and angry if I found that others' families lived happy lives.
As a matter of fact, I knew very clearly in my heart that my behavior was detrimental to myself, because it would make me sicker and sicker psychologically. However, I just could not control this hatred as it had developed into a kind of habit. Although I received a high-level education, it still could not change my twisted notions.
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More and more people in different walks of life, including students, experience the beauty of Falun Gong's principles of "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance."
Falun Dafa Has Cleansed My Heart
On February 2, 1996, I had an opportunity to learn about Falun Dafa, and I felt like a child who had been lost for many years suddenly rediscovering the doorway of her home. When I carefully read Zhuan Falun, Teacher's every word shook my heart and soul. Teacher says:
"It is because there is such a principle in the universe: Ordinary human affairs, according to the Buddha School, all have predestined relationships. Birth, old age, illness, and death exist as such for ordinary people. Due to karma resulting from past wrongdoing, one has illnesses or tribulations; suffering is repaying a karmic debt, and thus nobody can casually change this. Changing it means that one would not have to repay the debt after being in debt, and this cannot be done at will. Doing otherwise is the same as committing a bad deed." ... "In order to cure illness or eliminate tribulations and karma, these people must practice cultivation and return to their original, true selves. This is how all the different cultivation schools view it. One should return to one's original, true self; this is the real purpose of being human." (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
After reading through Zhuan Falun, I did some soul searching and found that innocence and kind-heartedness were right after all. But because of my mentality of hatred, I had created a lot of karma, and I have brought many extremely bad consequences to myself and others. I realized that hatred could lead me to take even more vicious actions, resulting in harm to others and to society. As a result, I would become a person condemned by society. Falun Dafa taught me that by doing bad deeds, I would lose the most precious substance called, "de" (virtue), and gain the black substance, karma. Without de, I would then face the most dreadful consequence of both my body and soul becoming extinct. I also understood that people gained karma for doing bad things, and that it was the karma that would lead to future troubles and tribulations.
Therefore, I stopped hating others in society, and not only that, I actually began to thank them. I truly expressed my gratitude towards them. This was because all these bitter experiences provided me with an opportunity to learn Falun Dafa. I also enlightened to the truth that it is wrong to be jealous of others. Teacher says:
"A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions."
("Realms," Essentials for Further Advancement)
I do not want to be a wicked person, and instead I wish to strive to be a benevolent person who can eventually reach enlightenment through cultivation.
Truly Exercising Forbearance Touches the Hearts of Friends and Relatives
Through cultivating Falun Dafa, I have experienced remarkable changes. I no longer hate the pretty girls, and I now treat the people around me with sincerity and warmth after gradually having let go of my bad temper and resentful disposition. Moreover, when other people lose their tempers, I am able to forbear it. Gradually other students became willing to make friends with me, and I grew very healthy, with no diseases whatsoever. I even experienced a lightness of my body. Today you will find me full of vitality, with a very healthy complexion.
In 1995, before I learned Falun Gong, my father wanted to remarry my mother. At that time, because of my rebellious mentality, I resolutely opposed the idea. Later on, although I did not say much, I was still not happy about it, so I often lost my temper over the matter. After I started to practice Falun Gong, I realized that my father had suffered a lot living in other parts of the country for so many years. Since he had the courage to come back, it was a good thing for my mother, my brother, and me. Therefore, I needed to follow what Teacher has taught us by thinking more about others. I realized that I should offer kind advice to my father instead of always taking to heart what he had done in the past. Indeed, my attitude towards my father has changed for the better, and my mother and brother have both forgiven him. My father was deeply moved by our compassion, and he strived to improve himself both at work and at home. As a result, our whole family is now living very harmoniously, and after talking to my family about my practicing Falun Gong, they all eventually supported me.
It was Falun Dafa that saved my family. If I were not practicing Falun Gong, I would still be controlled by hatred, and I would still be a person condemned by society. My entire youth, and perhaps my whole life, would be filled with a hatred that would eventually destroy me, and the consequences are too ghastly to contemplate. Falun Dafa has created my future anew, thus preventing any harm or damage I might have otherwise done to others and to society.
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Category: Improving Oneself
