Shared at the 2005 Washington DC Falun Dafa Conference
(Clearwisdom.net)
Greetings, Master!
Greetings, Fellow Dafa Disciples!
I. Experiences at Law School
A year ago my husband and I moved from Boston to Washington, DC where I had been accepted to a law school. Just before moving, we heard about the call for practitioners to go and clarify the truth in Manhattan. I tried to think over the situation calmly - should I go to Manhattan or go to school? Over the years I had trouble balancing all the aspects of daily life - school, family, social activities, Fa study and exercises, and truth clarification. Usually I chose to do truth clarification and Hong Fa activities and put my schoolwork off until later if there was time. I used the excuse that nothing is more important than clarifying the truth to cover up the fact that I disliked doing ordinary work, which I found time-consuming and usually not very useful. By graduation, I barely managed to find a temporary job. After getting married, my husband and I felt financial strain and it became clear that I needed to take responsibility as a married adult and as a practitioner upholding the image of Dafa. We decided I should get a professional degree and work my way into a financially secure job. It was clear that my conditions were not right to go to Manhattan, and I was confident that others would take the bulk of the responsibility for it.
Everything went smoothly until we arrived in DC. We found it difficult to get to know local practitioners and to join the local projects since everyone was busy shouldering a large number of projects. Moreover, since law school turned out to be more grueling than I expected, I was even more let down for not devoting more energy to saving sentient beings. On the surface I looked relatively composed, but inside there was an intense struggle to overcome nerves and emotions and to see things from the perspective of Dafa's needs. After my husband and I began attending the weekly group Fa study, although we didn't know many practitioners there, the energy field was pure and it strengthened our righteous thoughts.
My classmates are good people who believe in human rights. Although they knew about Falun Dafa and the persecution, they joked that morality was passé and belief in gods was something for the uneducated. I became increasingly concerned about them because Teacher had recently lectured about righteous belief in gods being very important for people. Yet I could not figure out a way to talk to them more deeply and in a broadminded way that they could accept. I knew that if I could only shake them and make them realize that their thinking contained some Communist notions their true selves would awaken and be cleansed so they could truly understand that the persecution against Dafa is evil and stop joking about such things.
Towards the end of classes, the constitutional law professor stated in a nutshell that Darwin's theory of evolution was the correct theory for high school science students to learn because theories of creation were one-sided since they were 'religious' and thus made atheists feel like second-class citizens. Sensing the urgency of shaking my class out of this dangerous way of thinking, I raised my hand although I had not figured out exactly what to say. I asked Teacher to help me save these beings and have my professor not take me as opposing him. The words just poured out that explained that Communist ideas like atheism and science's 'survival of the fittest' were quietly seeping into American law and classrooms. Then words came out to explain that today's scientific and godless theories are only bringing us backwards whereas belief in gods has held together civilizations. After class ended, my professor emailed me for more information and many students said they felt that my words were so refreshing and so right. My class had truly been shaken out of its old warped way of thinking, and I was confident they would take the persecution against Dafa more seriously. The professor became interested in the Nine Commentaries and promised to do everything in his power to come to the Goodbye CCP rally. Although he could not, I felt he was being rectified.
In preparing for his final exam, I took this exam first and foremost as an opportunity to clarify the truth deeply to the professor. I spent a few hours writing him a personal letter, answering an essay question that he had not asked yet but I felt in my heart he was going to ask. I spent the night before the exam sending righteous thoughts and doing the fifth exercise. At the exam, lo and behold - the exam question was exactly the one I had answered in my letter to the professor! Once again, Teacher created an opportunity to save this being.
After coming across many things that were difficult for me to handle at school, I concluded that we can do anything if our minds are set on Dafa.
II: Experiences with Dancing
I was asked to join DC's Gala performance but initially declined. When I was little, my parents enrolled me in dance and music classes, and I felt somewhat accomplished in both areas because of the conditioning to hear phrasing, be graceful, etc. But after moving, I decided to no longer get involved with practitioners' dance teams because many attachments surfaced among the ladies, such as the show-off mentality and emphasis on surface things, and instead of purifying in the process of saving beings, it seemed we muddled in those human things. Moreover, I thought I was the strongest dancer and should play an important role on the team. Drawing such a conclusion was unnecessary and problematic, and the result of being attached to my own importance. Although I tried to engrain in my mind that a practitioner's skills are given from Dafa for validating Dafa, which teaches us to be selfless and harmonizing, I thought it was best to take some time away from dancing to strengthen a righteous field. That was not to be, however, since DC needed one more lady for the Gala and time was running out.
The dance practices became a source of improving xinxing because the atmosphere was very tense and I became the point on which it seemed many took out their frustrations. At some point, many of the dancers, a Gala coordinator, and even a dancer's mother were yelling at me - "'Move like this!'" "'No, move like that!'" "'Keep your torso straight!'" "N'o, bend your waist!'" I had to smile because nobody was making sense. But I knew it was not really a laughing matter and I needed to look inside for the cause of the problem. Admittedly, my thoughts were not pure and righteous and that made me think that our dance was not beautiful, our costumes looked like babies' clothes complete with bibs, and the dancers treated me like I was a mute Chinese, not bothering to translate even when I asked and had trouble following what was happening. By the way, I am not Chinese and do not speak it - my heritage is Korean. Moreover, the dancers' movements did not quite match the instructor's movements, and we received word that our performance was weak and might not make the final cut.
Soon after, a practitioner who I have always tiptoed around called me to say I was vain, childish, and she no longer wanted to be my friend. No matter how cool I remained on the surface, inside so many emotions welled up like pain, sadness, reliance on others, and injustice. Through these emotions, it was clear that my heart was not completely devoted to validating Dafa and supplementing practitioners' efforts but was partially devoted to validating myself.
In the days leading up to the Gala, I studied the Fa more and tried to calm my heart. My husband is a practitioner artist and shared that he had painted a piece for the art exhibition but was told that though he was very good for his age and level of training, his work did not meet the level required of the art exhibition. He was advised to use the artistic skills that Dafa gave him for Dafa - so he began doing design work for other Dafa projects. His sharing touched me because he really is very talented, but has taken himself so lightly and quickly did what was needed most in Fa Rectification. I realized that no matter how we act on the surface, we need to purify ourselves deep in our heart of hearts and truly validate the Great Law with righteous thoughts and righteous actions. In truth, there was nothing for me to be selfish over since I am just a very fortunate being who has Master's Great Law in the Fa Rectification. When I thought of that practitioner who had said those harsh words, I realized that I had failed to maintain a truly openhearted and harmonious relationship with her, as well as with the dancers. I quickly changed my movements to match the other dancers. Our performance was light and cheerful and we all felt very good about it.
What I learned through this process of dancing is that cultivation is about letting go of self and putting others before ourselves and that includes other practitioners. I am not fooled that I should have those things on my path since I am a young and graceful woman because I think Teacher made me this way so that I could eventually let go of the significance and benefits of being a young, graceful woman, and in doing so validate the power of the Fa. Whatever I am supposed to have or not have on this path comes from Dafa's needs, and I know deeply that nothing is truly mine. So when I'm not put in the center or on the stage at all, that's truly okay. And whoever has the heart to lead the dance, I would be happy to follow, celebrate the team, and supplement how I can. The superficial things like who is most beautiful or talented are very empty because they are selfish, and for female practitioners may be crucial things to overcome. When we are all able to step over these petty things, that's truly when we are most radiant and when all beings are touched by our performances.
III: Rectifying a Family Member
Recently my husband and I visited my family. After I began practicing Dafa, I would often tell my family about it, but the results seemed to depend on my state of mind. Although my sister was against the persecution, she felt somehow that practicing was selfish and that I thought I was superior to her. Through these years, I have realized many deep and selfish thoughts and come to understand why she felt this way.
I realized that things like what type of family we were born in to and what opportunities we were given and took are big factors in defining who we are in the human sense. But through cultivation, I understand that those things do not truly identify us. We have all taken different paths to walk - to cover all the bases so to speak. In Fa Rectification, each of us plays a different role in society - some roles seem easier than others, and some roles seem more menial than others. Some of us validate the Fa while struggling to have the basic needs met, and others are capable in so many areas. But the connection that our specific role has to us is perhaps not important. It is the Fa that gave us everything, and we are all here in all of our roles for the purpose of validating the Fa as one body. I realized that Teacher's giving us these roles to fulfill far surpasses any and all of our personal things. This is for Fa Rectification, and it concerns the entire cosmos, and it is Teacher's choice that we try to fulfill. And however well we all do as one body - that is how wondrous the future will be.
This time when I came home, I came not to humanly spend time with my sister but to save her. My husband and I sent righteous thoughts frequently because we only had a day to spend with her. Through our day together, she saw the kindness of practitioners, and at some points she would just stare at us. I was reading Zhuan Falun when she asked me whether I could mail her a copy. On several prior occasions, I had asked her whether she wanted to read the book, and each time she declined, saying maybe in the future when she was ready. We started talking about the Epoch Times newspaper, and tears filled her eyes when she heard about practitioners' efforts to create such an upright paper. She said she wanted to write cooking articles for the paper since cooking is her favorite hobby.
When we were about to leave that night, my husband let us stay a little bit longer even though the drive back would be long and he had to work the next morning. We thought it was important to say more to my sister, to make sure all the remnants of bad thoughts towards the practice were cleared away. I believed she would understand as long as I was open-hearted with her. I told her that in the book, Master explains that suffering is for a reason and is not allowed to be so without a reason. In the Guangzhou videotapes, when Teacher said that he looked like He was tearing, I thought Master was so kindhearted to every being and at that point knew that His Dafa is truly the Great Law. I told my sister that Dafa taught me that we really do not know who anyone is. When we pay off our debts, maybe we will have a very happy existence and reach a very high realm. "Even for people who are successful like you - a young doctor - do not let that limit who you truly are, which might be much more wonderful. For instance, I practice Dafa but you do not right now. But I am not better than you, though right now maybe I feel much luckier. Dafa has taught me deeply that no matter how things seem, beings are equal." She was crying a lot and told me she loved me, which is very rare for her to say. I knew she had been deeply touched by Dafa. Soon after, my sister emailed that she had begun reading the Nine Commentaries and would become a regular writer for The Epoch Times.
These are some of the experiences I've had over the past year. I'm really thankful for all the practitioners for keeping up cultivation and Fa validation, and for sharing their experiences to help us improve as a whole. And most of all, I'd like to give thanks to Master, who has truly the greatest wish - who has borne every pain and hardship to save every single being in the cosmos and given us all hope and a bright future. On the remainder of our journey together, I hope we will walk to the end of this road hand-in-hand, improving as a whole, breaking through longstanding issues, and doing everything to make the future cosmos that Master has created the most wonderful.
Thank you for coming and making this conference so special and listening to my limited understandings.
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