(Clearwisdom.net) Teacher said,
"So then for a human being what's the meaning of life? It's to experience the feeling you get from being attached to self-interest and enjoying the course of a human life soaked in emotion. Think about how pitiful that is, and what kind of feeling that really is. They're happy when they get something and miserable when they lose it; when they eat meat they find it tasty, and when they eat candy they find it sweet... but in the human world there's also bitter, biting, and painful things, there are the feelings young people have which come from emotional attachments, and then there are the feelings people in different social strata have as they chase after, gain, or lose things over the course of their lives--even though those gains and losses aren't something that really come from effort. That's how people are when they live in this world. People are so pitiable! And yet people just can't see through this so-called "reality," nor do they want to."
("Teaching the Fa at the Meeting with Asia-Pacific Students" in 2004)
Each person has his or her own characteristics, individual personality and disposition. However, it was not until today that I came to understand that some of my so-called characteristics did not come with birth, and yet I mistakenly thought that they were a part of me. My acknowledgement of them as me has created huge obstacles on my path of diligent cultivation and in my doing the three things that Master asks us to do during Fa-rectification. What I most strongly and erroneously saw as me was the "sentimentality" I felt.
I have always been a rather introverted person since childhood, unlike other boys who enjoyed playing and having fun. All my teachers and classmates said that I was a really quiet boy, as elegant as a young girl. My mom's friends used to always pat me on my head with a smile and praise me for being such a nice boy. As they made such remarks, they always showed approval in their eyes.
After I entered senior high school and saw all the liveliness and laughter around me, I began to feel a bit lonely. With the feelings of loneliness and the expectations for approval, the peacefulness I used to feel in myself was no longer there. I began to feel concerned about how others treated me and what others said about me. I had also become a bit moody as the environment around me changed.
When I moved on to the university, I attempted to change my introverted personality by trying to make more friends. When I saw others smoking and drinking, I would try to do the same. When I saw others looking for girlfriends, I also became restless, worrying about personal gains and losses. Life was really trying.
For a long time, even after I obtained the Fa, I could not completely get rid of this state of mind. For a while, I felt really miserable, and I thought that Dafa could not free me from this misery. Both my parents are Dafa practitioners, and when they urged me on I would be a bit more diligent, but most of the time I failed to treat myself as a Dafa practitioner deep in my heart. Due to such a state of mind, I committed big blunders in the area of sensual and carnal desires, and I only started to reflect on myself when I was overwhelmed with regret. I would write it out and share it with everyone when I was completely clearheaded.
My sensitive and fragile personality was formed unwittingly, and I had unconsciously enhanced it, which for a long time controlled my feelings and behavior. To me, the direct and adverse consequences of such "sentimentality" include the following:
First, it leads to constant feelings of low self-esteem, lack of confidence, uncertainty about one's own choice or decisions, and an inability to distinguish right from wrong. Master said,
"Everything in the world was established and created for the Fa-rectification, and Dafa disciples are the great figures of our time. Since ancient times the beings in all realms have waited in anticipation. Gather up and rescue the beings that you are to save! Have righteous thoughts and righteous actions, dissolve all hindrances, and spread the facts widely. Divine beings are among men."
("To the European Fa Conference in Stockholm" in 2005)
Master has told us about our great mission, and our greatness lies in the fact that we are connected with the Fa-rectification. Therefore, any sense of inferiority on our part shows that we are not steadfast in our belief in Master and the Fa. Besides, under the circumstances when the old forces are watching us covetously and menacingly, if we cannot distinguish right from wrong and cannot strengthen our righteous thoughts in the face of various interferences and false appearances, we would easily go astray onto a path that could destroy us. The reason that many practitioners who had listened to the evil slander and gave up cultivation was largely because they did not have confidence in themselves and they also lacked confidence in Master.
Second, it can lead one to be indecisive and hesitant to do the things a practitioner should. Moreover, even if one is able to do these things, he finds it hard to see it through to the end and is often interfered with by external factors and his own thought karma. Master requires the following of us:
"As Dafa disciples tell people the facts,
It's like sharp swords shooting out together from their mouths,
Shredding apart the rotten demons' lies.
Lose no time and save them, hurry up and tell them."
("Hurry up and Tell Them" in 2002)
Time is pressing, and as the only hope for sentient beings to be saved, we cannot wait or hesitate any longer.
Third, it leads to poor self-constraint and an inability to be one's own master. Rationality, it seems, cannot overcome sentimentality. One often fails to conduct oneself in a righteous manner. By and by, one's main consciousness becomes weaker and weaker, and he is easily distracted and has an inadequate ability to resist undesirable temptations. He is also easily lured by lust and becomes deeply trapped. Once he has developed an attachment to something or somebody, he tends to sink deeply. Master said,
"When a cultivator can't handle himself well it's hard to save him, and there's a good chance he'll ruin himself." (Zhuan Falun, Lecture 6)
Fourthly, one can easily fall into a state of self-blame and of thinking that the sentimentality is a reflection of oneself, not being aware that the thing to do is to pick oneself up and make up for the losses caused by the mistakes. Sometimes when the self-blame becomes too heavy one might lose the courage to start afresh, thus giving oneself up as hopeless and becoming an everyday person. In this way, a person has let down Master's expectations and merciful salvation.
Such so-called "sentimentality" is somewhat different from ordinary attachment, as many people take it as a kind of inborn temperament. In fact, it is not so, and it has played a rather big, negative role in Dafa practitioners' efforts to validate the Fa and save sentient beings. Because it is something that is not easily detected and in many cases it developed during childhood, it is therefore not easy to let go of. Like an addiction to smoking, drinking or drugs, it can trap people easily and make them indulge themselves. Master said,
"Some people do know it's bad, but they just can't quit. I can tell you that it's actually because they don't have the right thoughts guiding them, so it's not easy for them to just up and quit. See yourself as a cultivator, and treat it as an attachment today and try to quit, see if you can quit." (Lecture Seven in Zhuan Falun)
In fact, once we realize its damaging effect, it is nothing to us genuine cultivators.
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference")
As long as we are steadfast in our Fa-study and fill our mind with the Fa, such sentimentality would have no place to shelter itself. Furthermore, a genuine cultivator would not have the leisure and mood to indulge in "sentimentality!"
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